


𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌. [ Kiyoomi Sakusa x Reader ]

by Cutesight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Germaphobe Sakusa Kiyoomi, Love Triangles, Miya Twins, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 42
Words: 77,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29848677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cutesight/pseuds/Cutesight
Summary: " 𝕎𝕖'𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕣 𝕚𝕟 𝕕𝕚𝕗𝕗𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕪𝕤. "- - - -A story where a germaphobe encounters a "broken" girl.- - - -⚠️ Disclaimer ⚠️There will be mention of rape and drug use.- - - -I *do not* give anyone any permission to translate, create videos, or republish my work. I have all rights to my stories and would appreciate everyone to enjoy them on the platforms I post these stories on. These stories are free and I don't feel comfortable knowing others are making money off of them. (｡•́︿•̀｡)If you see my work anywhere else other than Wattpad and AO3, just know I did not give them any permission.
Relationships: Sakusa Kiyoomi/Reader
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	1. Wednesday regular

**𝟜:𝟙𝟝 𝕒𝕞**

You groggily wake up from the sound of your alarm from your cellphone. The annoying voice of Atsumu's voice recording screams beside your ear. 

_"_ _Wake up sad girl!"_

Grumbling under your breath, you stretch your arm out towards your night stand. The phone falls onto the floor and you're forced to get up now. Sitting up, you rub your eyes and ruffle your hair. You stare out into the darkness of your room and lean over to grab the phone you've dropped. 

"Shut up..." Your finger taps the alarm off and you stare at the time. You have roughly 15 minutes to get ready and another 20 minutes of walking to do to get to work. Not wasting anymore time, you pull the blanket off of you and head into the bathroom to freshen up. After your morning skincare and teeth brushing, you throw on a black tee with the shops logo plastered boldly on the back.

**An onigiri.**

A yawn escapes from you as you wiggle yourself into your jeans. Tossing your hair in a messy bun, you then slip on a pair of socks, a face mask, and sneakers before hurrying out of your empty apartment. You make sure to lock the door before hurrying down the staircase. 

Phone, check.

Keys, check.

Wallet, check.

Pack of cigarettes, check.

Lighter, check.

Pocket knife, check.

You mentally check if you've grabbed everything before you've walked too far from the apartment. 

You've lived alone for five years now since the age of 15. Your grandmother originally had her name under the contract. But since you're 20 now, you're legally able to take over the contract without her help. There are moments where you missed your family but you know that you're much safer being by yourself. 

_Away from that man._

Anxiety litters your body when you think about him and you reflexively embrace yourself. You couldn't let the thoughts take over you first thing in the morning. You reach for the pack of cigarettes in your back pocket when someone snatches it away from you. Alarmed and annoyed, you turn around with furrowed brows. Ready to yell at whoever it is. "Y/N, you know how I feel about the smell of cigarettes." A monotone voice speaks from above you and your anger subsides when you see who it is. 

**Osamu Miya, your boss and friend.**

Exhaling under your breath, you reach for the pack out of his hand. 

"What's stressing you out so early in the morning?" The two of you walk together towards his onigiri shop.

You've met Osamu just a year ago when he was in desperate need of an employee after several others ran out on him. They couldn't handle his anger when things were not done quickly. But you've yet to see this angry side of him. Other than his brother Atsumu who provokes him from time to time. 

Your relationship was merely a business relationship but as time went by, a friendship had formed by how compatible the two of you work together. But of course you hid certain things about yourself from him. You didn't want to burden him with your problems. 

Shaking your head, you slide the cigarettes back into your back pocket. "It's nothing." 

Osamu glances at Y/N briefly but he doesn't press the issue. The two of you walk to the onigiri shop in comfortable silence. 

Upon reaching the onigiri shop, Osamu takes the keys out of his pocket and unlocks the door for the two. He parts the door open to let you in first. You're familiar with the usual tasks by now. The two of you quietly prepare the ingredients for todays set of onigiri's. Being located in the busiest street of Tokyo means a lot of foot traffic comes into the shop. 

The two of you only operate during the mornings and afternoons, closing right before dinner rush. With this limited time slot, the amount of customers triple thus making Osamu's onigiri shop a popular spot. 

You notice a jar of pickled plums besides the other ingredients in the fridge. Taking the jar out, you walk over to Osamu who's washing the rice. "Are we making pickled plums a regular Wednesday special?" 

Osamu nods his head, lowering his eyes back down to the rice. "There's a guy I know who loves them. I'm trying to coax him to visit the shop more by luring him in with these. They're apparently one of the best pickled plums in Japan." 

You smile under your mask at how childish Osamu sounds but you don't tease him for it. "This guy...Is he a good friend of yours Osamu?" You walk back to the fridge to grab the other ingredients out. Several containers line up the wooden counter behind you. The onigiri's are made to order with a front counter sitting service to allow the customers to watch. 

Osamu closes the lid on three different rice cookers. He walks over to you and helps you prepare the fillings for todays onigiri. "Hm...he's closer to Atsumu but since we're together most of the time, we share the same group of friends." 

You cringe at the thought of Atsumu.

His carefree and overly confident personality wears you out. You can only imagine his group of friends may be the spitting image of him. The two of you continue to converse freely as you both prep. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You walk towards the door to flip the open sign over but before you can even do so, the door flings open. 

"Y/N~" Atsumu grins from ear to ear when he sees you. "It's so refreshing to see a beautiful face first thing in the morning." 

"You can't even see half of my face Atsumu." You reach past him to flip the sign over before walking back to the kitchen. Atsumu shrugs when he watches you. "I know your beauty under that mask. So my point still stands." 

"Are you here to eat or talk Atsumu?" Osamu eyes his brother with a still expression when he walks out of the bathroom. "You have classes this morning, right?" Atsumu groans at the thought of his morning classes, a frown on his face. "Don't remind me." He walks over to take a seat in one of the stools. A smirk plasters on his face when he eyes you. "Y/N can I--"

Before Atsumu finishes his sentence, you're already busily making his usual order. His golden eyes lower down to your busily plastic gloved hands. The smirk on his face softens to a smile and he hums under his breath. "Heh, I'm touched you know my order Y/N." 

"Why wouldn't she?" Osamu stands beside you with his arms to his side. "You're a regular who doesn't pay. I'd remember your order too if I were her." Atsumu gasps dramatically. "I shouldn't have to pay my brother for food. Besides, my presence in your shop is enough payment." Osamu shakes his head and changes the conversation. "Where's Sakusa?" 

"What for?" Atsumu raises a brow and Osamu holds up the pickled plums. A devilish grin forms on Atsumu's face when he eyes the jar. "You're adamant about Sakusa becoming a regular, aren't you 'Samu? You know how he hates crowds. Your shop is literally in the heart of Akihabara." 

"The shop opens at 6AM. The crowd isn't that packed at this hour." Osamu retorts. A soft jingle of the windchimes pulls their attention away to the door. "Speak of the devil, there he is." Atsumu raises a hand up towards Sakusa. 

You welcome the guest, not looking up to see who it is when you place the two tuna onigiri's on a plate. You lower the plate in front of Atsumu and turn your eyes over to the person who's stepped in. You raise your eyebrows when you look at the person who tiredly stands at the front entrance. He's a bit taller than the twins. His hair a wavy black with two moles on the right side of his forehead. His voice is muffled by the white face mask he wears. "Morning." 

Atsumu points to the seat to his right. "Good morning Omi-kun. We were just talking about you." Sakusa walks over to the right of Atsumu and takes a seat. 

"This is the guy I mentioned earlier Y/N." Osamu glances over at Sakusa. The two of you share eye contact and you're unsure how to read him. His deadpan expression reminds you more of Osamu than Atsumu. You flick your eyes between Sakusa and Osamu, analyzing the two. 

"What is it?" Sakusa speaks up towards you. "Did you say something bad about me Osamu?" His black eyes glance over to Osamu's silver ones. Osamu shakes his head, he's unsure why Y/N is acting like this. 

"I just expected someone annoying like Atsumu." You speak bluntly. 

Sakusa presses his lips together under his mask, he eyes the girl in front of him with a steely gaze. You feel a coldness tingle down your spine from his stare. Atsumu's mouth is too full to retort back and you hear a low chuckle from Osamu. "I apologize for Y/N's bluntness Sakusa." 

You bow slightly when you feel Osamu's eyes glare at you. Atsumu swallows his piece and bickers at you. "You think I'm annoying Y/N? I'll have you know, there's several girls who'd like our friendship." You hold back the eye roll and smirk. Atsumu sees the glimmer in your eyes, a frown forms on his face when he's unable to see your smile. "Say, why do you wear a face mask Y/N? Are you a germaphobe like Sakusa?" 

_So that's why he wears a face mask._

You only wore yours to hide your face from the potential of running into the people you disliked the most. Whether Tokyo is enormous or not, you didn't want either of your parents to stumble into you. You shake your head. "I'm hiding from someone." The others are unsure if you're joking or not but from your serious tone, they think otherwise.

"Are you a fugitive Y/N? Osamu did you do a background check on her before you hired her?" Atsumu turns his attention to Osamu who's grabbing a few pickled plums out from the jar. "Her records clean. Don't let your imagination run wild." Osamu shuts Atsumu's imagination off. He grabs a handful of rice and begins to mold a triangular shape into his palm. "How many would you like Sakusa?" 

"Just two." Sakusa answers immediately. You grab an empty cup and pour green tea into the glass before placing it in front of Sakusa. He quietly thanks you and lowers his mask to take a sip of the drink. Atsumu is still stuck on Y/N's answer, he rubs his chin and looks over to her. "Who could you possibly be hiding from? Your mysteriousness is attracting me Y/N." 

"I refrain you from flirting with my employee Atsumu." Osamu places a plate in front of Sakusa who thanks Osamu. 

"She's not just your employee Osamu. She's a friend too. A friend who's hiding something from us." Atsumu crosses his arms and you reach over for his plate to wash it. "Say...you're curious too right Sakusa?" Sakusa is about to take a bite of his onigiri when Atsumu speaks to him. He lowers the onigiri down for a moment to look at Y/N. "Don't we all have things we keep hidden from others? I'm sure she has her reasoning Atsumu." 

Despite looking so expressionless, Sakusa's words are full of emotion when you listen to him. You start to question why a guy like him hangs around Atsumu. Sakusa takes a bite of the onigiri after saying his piece. The corner of his lips briefly curl up but he's quick to hide the smile. 

"Maybe the two of you should be friends. You're both so to yourselves." Atsumu looks at Sakusa and Y/N. The two of you share eye contact again and Sakusa is the first one to look away. He shrugs his shoulders in response. "You know I'm horrible at making friends Atsumu." 

"Well, yeah. But so is Y/N. There's one similarity right there! You both also wear face masks." Atsumu chuckles to himself. "Half of Japan wears them." Sakusa speaks nonchalantly. 

"Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to just because Atsumu says so." Osamu interjects into the conversation. "Besides, Y/N has a say if she wants to be friends with Sakusa too." 

The three turn their attention towards you. You turn off the sink and wipe your hands on a towel. If Sakusa becomes a regular on Wednesdays; there's no reason for you to not get to know him. You're here at the shop every five days that it's open anyway. You walk over to stand in front of Sakusa. The counter dividing the two of you. You lower your mask briefly to smile at him. You then formally introduce yourself to him. "I'm Y/L/N Y/N. You can find me here if you ever want to chat." 

Sakusa nods his head, eyeing Y/N's smile before it's hidden away from the face mask. 

"Damn it." Atsumu grumbles when he looks at the blurry photo he's captured. Osamu grabs his phone from him and deletes the failed attempt of capturing a photo of Y/N. The two bicker at each other and you quietly giggle to yourself. 

"Sakusa. Sakusa Kiyoomi." A low voice speaks over to you and you turn your attention over to Sakusa. He doesn't offer you a smile but you can see his still expression relax a bit. "The soon to be Wednesday regular who loves pickled plums?" You offer Sakusa a pickled plum on a toothpick. He's careful to not touch your fingers when he takes the toothpick from you. 

"I guess so." Sakusa looks at the pickled plum before flicking his eyes over to you. 

Little do the two know, that this moment is the start of something so fragile and tender. 


	2. I'm here to listen

Osamu flips the sign closed and locks the front door with his keys. He turns to look over at Y/N who's rubbing her shoulders. Things at the shop picked up once Sakusa and Atsumu left after their breakfast.

You release an exhale and turn around to say goodbye to Osamu but he seems to have other plans with you. "Y/N, come with me." 

"Uh..." You raise an eyebrow, watching his tall frame walk further away. You're not working anymore so technically you can decline his offer as a friend. Osamu notices how Y/N's stalling to make an excuse. He stops in his steps and turns around, crossing his arms and giving her an unimpressed expression. "Let's get some drinks together. We had a long day today." 

_Drinks?_

You figured Osamu was dragging you to the supermarket to buy ingredients so he could make some strange concoction as a new onigiri flavor. "Are you paying?" You smirk under your mask. Osamu wears a lopsided grin and turns back around to walk ahead. "Let's go Y/N." Osamu calls out to you. 

You smile to yourself and hurry next to him. Osamu always handled the bill whenever it's the two of you. He insisted on doing so as a way for you to not quit on him since the first day you were hired. Of course you are easily persuaded when someones willing to pay for the tab. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

After wandering around for ten minutes, the two of you settle on an izakaya that's tucked away in the busy food street. The two of you take a seat in the corner of the bar and settle in. 

The owner walks over and places a menu in front of you two before tending to his other customers. You glance over at an employee grilling a fish. The setting is much like the onigiri shop. With the difference of alcohol and smoking. Osamu waves over the owner and begins to order for the two of you. Two pints of beer and a variation of skewers. When you reach into your pocket for your lighter and cigarette, a pint of beer is placed in front of you. 

"At least drink with me before you start smoking Y/N." Osamu raises his glass and you lower your things. You reach for your beer and a soft 'clink' sound rings out when the you two cheers together. 

The two of you silently drink the cheap beer and you lower the glass onto the wooden counter top. Osamu reaches for your lighter and flickers it on. 

"You know, I don't want to lecture you about your habits but...you've been smoking more than usual." Osamu raises the lighter towards the cigarette that rests between your lips. Inhaling, you drag out the smoke through your lips. He twiddles the lighter between his fingers. "What's wrong Y/N?" 

You stare at the cigarette that rests between your fingers. "I've just been more stressed out than usual. It's nothing to worry about." Raising your cigarette up to your lips, you take another puff. You've started to smoke a month after working with Osamu. The medicine you took for your anxiety couldn't suppress the emotions you had and you were sick of it. You didn't want to walk around with pills in your pockets so cigarettes are more convenient. 

Osamu lingers his eyes on Y/N's distant face. He feels so far from her despite sitting next to her. "About earlier today...you were serious when you said you're hiding from someone, right?"

_Who could she possibly hide from? A friend? Ex-boyfriend? A family member?_

The different answers float around in his mind. He's unsure if Y/N will answer him. He doesn't know if Y/N sees him as someone she can put her trust in. 

A moment of silence fills the conversation between the two of you. Exhaling slowly, the smoke seeps out of your lips. Osamu reaches over and pinches his fingers between your cigarette. He pulls it away from your lips to get your attention. You turn to look at Osamu with bewilderment. "What--" Your words cut off when you see the serious expression on his face. His eyes demand you to answer him but he doesn't murmur a single word. 

"You're not getting this back until you answer me." Osamu places the cigarette between his lips. You're ready to say a witty comeback but you realize Osamu is also holding your lighter hostage. You wouldn't be able to light up another cigarette without it. 

"Since when do you smoke Osamu?" You steer the conversation away from yourself. 

"There are some things about me that you don't know either Y/N." Osamu curtly says as he drags out a puff of smoke. You'd be lying if you didn't think Osamu looked attractive right now. Your eyes avert from his and you raise the beer glass to your lips. The cold liquid quenches your dry throat. 

"Do you not trust me enough Y/N? Or do you perceive me as just a boss you work for?" Osamu speaks up again. He's cornering you now with more questions. Scrunching your nose, you exhale. "You're a bit needy tonight Osamu." You lightheartedly giggle, a faint smile on your face. "And you're being more stubborn than usual." He extends his hand to poke your forehead but you tense up, the color in your face draining. You quickly wrap your arms around yourself out of reflex. Osamu quickly notices Y/N's closed off behavior and pulls his hand back. 

He's never seen Y/N look so uncomfortable until now. The two work closely together behind the kitchen so seeing her react like this throws him in for a loop. Maybe she's more bothered from physical contact and not close proximity? 

_She isn't a germaphobe like Sakusa. So..._

"Sorry." Osamu whispers out an apology, his eyes are apologetic. You pull yourself together and release your held breath. 

Osamu is only showing his concern for you and you've constantly shut him off tonight. Maybe telling him this secret you've kept to yourself will give you some relief. Asides from Osamu, Atsumu is the next closest person to you. You'd rather tell Osamu this sensitive topic over Atsumu any day.

Your fearful eyes soften when you look at Osamu. A weak smile forms on your face when you speak up. "What I'm about to tell you is something I've never spoken about besides my immediate family." Your words stop in your throat and you bite your tongue. Fear wraps you around it's finger when you anticipate what Osamu will think of you after you tell him everything. 

Osamu notices Y/N's troubling expression. The way her brows knit on her face to the quivering of her lips. Whatever she plans to tell him must be something that weighs her down. Physically and mentally. Osamu extends the cigarette back to her. "I'm here to listen if you're willing to talk Y/N." 

Your eyes lower to the cigarette. "You'll most likely look at me differently when I tell you...and that thought alone makes me not want to say anything Osamu." You reach for your cigarette but he pulls it away from you slightly. 

"If you're going to tell me you murdered someone, I'll be sure to keep my lips sealed." Osamu tries to ease your nerves with a horrible joke. He places the cigarette between your fingertips and raises the beer glass to his lips. "The night's young. I have no where to go. So, take your time." 

You raise the cigarette to your lips but stop midway. Closing your eyes, you put the cigarette out and inhale deeply. "Alright. Don't complain to me in the morning if you're tired Osamu. I'm about to tell you my life story. The story of a sad broken girl." 


	3. Broken girl

⚠️ **Disclaimer: Mention of rape and drug abuse this chapter** ⚠️

𝟞 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕒𝕘𝕠 | Y/N - Last year of middle school.

"I'm home." You call out from the small foyer of your families home. There is no sign of your father in the living room when you walk past the main entrance. You recall seeing his car parked outside.

_But where is he?_

You walk over to the kitchen to grab something to drink before making your way down the hallway towards your bedroom. You notice a few beer bottles aimlessly thrown on the ground. Knitting your brows together, you reach down to pick them up. The bottles are still cold to the touch. 

_Did dad chug these down the moment he came home?_

Things must've gotten worse at his day job. You walk back over to the kitchen to toss the empty beer bottles away. The sound of a door cracks open in the hallway and you assume it's your dad. "Dad, mom's going to be upset with you if you don't keep your drinking to a minimum." You call out from the kitchen. "You better sober up before she comes home soon." 

A groggy voice calls out your name and you turn around to see your dad completely wasted. He wobbles over to you and grips onto your shoulders. "Y/N, I was fired today at work." 

"What?" Your eyes widen when you look at your dads redden face. The glow in his eyes are long gone and replaced with a hollowness. "They caught me stealing some of the merchandise to sell. Don't tell your mother about this." He slurs his words and stares directly into your face. You couldn't hide this from your mom. She'll eventually find out anyway. 

"No. We have to tell her. Why should we hide this?" Your answer aggravates him and dad squeezes your shoulders with more strength. Despite how drunk he is, his strength isn't weak. You wince from the pain, trying to pry his fingers off but fail to. "Dad that hurts!" 

"I'll show you what hurts even more. You need to be punished for not listening to me." 

_Punished?! What is your dad even spewing out right now?_

You turn your face to bite his hand but he slaps you in return. "You bitch! Did you just try to bite me?" 

"GET A GRIP DAD!" You scream out, shoving him off of you but he's much too strong for your weak self. His consciousness is long gone when you feel his hand wrap against your neck. He pins your back against the kitchen drawers and tears the front of your buttoned dress shirt off. 

Your eyes grow petrified at where things are going. Your eyes lower down to your exposed bra.

Mustering all your strength you try to kick and flail your arms and legs at him. But you grow weaker from the grip on your neck. Breathing becomes a struggle as you try to pry his fingers away. "What are you even doing dad?! THIS IS WRONG." 

He doesn't utter a word as he slips his hands under your skirt and past your panties. You cry out in fear when you feel his fingers slip inside your lower region. The tears sting your eyes as you scream for him to stop. No matter how loud you cry out, your voice goes in and out from one ear to the other. An excruciating pain is felt down below from his rough fingers. 

Your dad uses you as he pleases. Thrusting his fingers inside of you while he chokes you. The disgusting man you call your dad grows aroused from the situation while you grow numb and your vision slowly starts to blacken out. He releases his hold on your neck to unbuckle his belt and lower his pants down to stroke his hardon. 

You feel completely disgusted, hurt, and in pain as you watch the man before you. Air returns to your lungs and you slowly regain strength. You weakly open a drawer and grab the closest knife to you. However your attempt to protect yourself fails when he swats the knife out of your hand. He turns you around and clasps his hand around your wrists. 

A sharp pain pierces inside of you when you feel his length forced in. The strength you had earlier is long gone when you hear his grunts from behind you. "I'll show you how to keep quiet." His low voice paralyzes you. You mindlessly give in. The will to fight back slips away from you when you feel the numbness return. Tears stream down your face. 

No matter how much you scream, no one will be able to save you. You didn't live in an apartment with thin walls. You didn't have any siblings to rescue you and your mother is still on her way home. 

_You're completely powerless._

You're unsure how long times pass when the sound of the door opening startles your dad. The sound of your mothers voice shrieks into the air. Dad quickly pulls away from you and he attempts to get his pants back on. 

Your legs give out from under you and your mother hurries over to your side. Father spews out a lie that you beckoned him to have sex with you while he's under the influence. But your mother was not having it. She called the authorities against your father and everything else that happened after is blank for you. 

You can't recall what happened months after the rape. 

Dad was apparently fined with sexual misconduct and sent to jail. Mother fell into debt after the divorce and had to deal with dad's own debt he left behind. Overwhelmed by everything, she grew hatred towards you. She blamed you for her broken marriage and the mass amount of debt that piled onto her. 

Thankfully you have a grandmother who loves you endlessly. After a year of living with your mother, your grandmother rented an apartment for you to stay in. You started your first year of high school in an apartment which you've started to call home. 

ℙ𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕖𝕟𝕥 𝕕𝕒𝕪

"An alcoholic dad and a mother who grew to hate and blame her daughter. With the two combined; they've created me. A girl who's broken on the inside." Your e/c eyes stare at the wooden table. A tear slides down your cheek and you turn away from Osamu to wipe it away. "So, to answer your question...I'm hiding from my parents. I'm sure that man has a few more years in jail but I can't be too safe." You slowly turn back around. You hesitate to see Osamu's expression. He's been quiet the entire time the moment you started to tell your story. 

_Did he see you as disgusting?_

The thought alone makes you sad. If Osamu couldn't see you more than a broken girl, you couldn't possibly have the strength to stand in front of him. You didn't want him to see you as such. You only wanted Osamu to see you as a reliable friend and coworker. 

Anxiety crawls in your palms and your natural instinct is to light another cigarette. 

Osamu extends his hand to grab the pack of cigarettes away from you. You hesitantly turn to look at him.

_What expression will you see from him?_

_Disgust? Pity? Sorrow?_

Your suggestions are completely wrong when you see Osamu with tight knit brows.

**Anger.**

His silver eyes waver and a single tear drips from his left eye. He seems to be suppressing his tears with anger and you're taken aback from his response. It's so uncharacteristic of him to show these two emotions to you at once. 

Osamu wants nothing more than to pull Y/N in an embrace but that's something that will only cause her trauma to flare up. There's no words that he can say to comfort her when the events have already happened years ago. He's upset at the way her parents treated her and he's full of sadness with the thought of how lonely and harsh it must've been for Y/N to bare this weight on her shoulders at such a young age. 

"I don't see a broken girl Y/N." Osamu finds his voice to speak up. "I see someone who's tougher and much braver than anyone I know." 

Osamu's words touch your heart and you feel the tears brimming in your eyes. You bite your inner cheek to avoid the tears from falling.

"I only wish you wouldn't have kept this from me for so long. Let me take some of the pain from you Y/N." 

"I didn't want to burden you with my problems Osamu. Don't take it so personally." You murmur out. He presses his lips together, turning his attention away from you and towards the other customers in the izakaya. "Thank you for letting me in Y/N. As your friend, I'll be sure to lend you a shoulder whenever you want. I hope you'll allow me to do the same?" Osamu looks at you from the corner of his eye. 

Nodding your head, you form a small smile. The two of you raise your beer glass and clink them together, silently drinking. The weight on your chest feels much lighter after talking to Osamu. 


	4. My upstairs neighbor

"Say Omi-kun, what do you think about Y/N?" Atsumu and Sakusa both exit the train station after their university classes have finished up for the day. 

"Y/L/N? The girl from earlier this morning?" Sakusa glances at Atsumu for a brief second, he hugs closer to the right to avoid the crowd that's passing him on the left. "Yeah. She's a catch, right?" Atsumu smirks when he thinks about Y/N. "It's nice to have a girl who's not madly in love with me as a friend." 

"She thinks you're annoying, that's why." Sakusa curtly responds. "And she thought I would be annoying too because of you..." He says the second sentence more to himself than to Atsumu. Atsumu waves Sakusa off. He pretends to ignore the 'annoying' part. "I'm sure you'll get along with her if you stop at the shop more often."

"Why? You know I hate crowded places. They also don't serve the pickled plum onigiri's any other day." Sakusa easily refutes Atsumu's suggestion. "I don't know why you're so headstrong about her and I being friends..." Atsumu shakes his head and places a hand on Sakusa's shoulder. "Because you my friend, need a girlfriend." 

"Can you not touch me." Sakusa brushes Atsumu's hand off of his shoulder but Atsumu persistently places his hand back. "Also, isn't it obvious that Osamu may have feelings for Y/L/N?"

Atsumu widens his eyes and stops in the middle of his walk. The thought never crossed his mind that his brother may possibly like Y/N. The two work closely together and see each other every day. But he's never seen the two hang out on the weekends. There are times where the two will eat dinner together after work but that's pretty normal for coworkers to do. But...they're also friends. 

Atsumu clenches his head. This is too much for him to analyze right now. 

Sakusa looks at Atsumu with a deadpan expression. "The thought never crossed your mind, did it?" He then shakes his head and continues his way towards the apartment complex. "I'll be seeing you later then." 

Sakusa leaves Atsumu behind. He places his earbuds in and flicks through his playlist to drain out the noise of the honking cars. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You're walking up the staircase to your apartment after parting ways with Osamu at the izakaya when you notice a slightly familiar figure walking up the same steps as you are. Tilting your head, you squint your eyes on the back of the person. The person seems to feel your eyes on them and stops their footsteps from climbing up the staircase. To both of your surprise, that very person is Sakusa. He looks just as alarmed as you are but his eyes soon relax to a still expression. 

"Huh...this is uncanny." Sakusa murmurs into his mask. He takes his earbuds out and you stay rooted to your spot. "Y/L/N, right?" 

"Yeah. Do you live around here Sakusa?" You raise an eyebrow and he turns to look up at the next flight of stairs. He points up. "I live on the top floor." 

Your brows furrow together and you're surprised the two of you haven't crossed paths before. You lived on the floor under his. Sakusa turns his attention back to you. "I'm assuming you also live here?" 

Nodding your head, you point to the apartments behind him. "I live on this floor. It's surprising how we've never bumped into each other."

Sakusa turns to look behind him. Each apartment building consists of three floors. He lived on the top floor while Y/L/N seemingly lives on the middle floor. 

"You do wake up early for work, right?" Sakusa points out the thought to you and you nod your head. "I guess that's true. I would've also been at home at this hour already. So bumping into you would be very slim." You feel stupid for not realizing the fact and avert your eyes from Sakusa.

Sakusa silently looks at Y/L/N, not inputting anything else to the conversation. An awkward silence looms between the two.

"Well, I should get some sleep if I want enough rest for work tomorrow. It's nice to meet you again Sakusa." You wave goodbye to him before passing him to walk towards your apartment. 

"Y/L/N." His muffled voice calls out to you but another voice calls out for him. "Sakusa! Is that you?" An energetic voice rings out into the silent night. A guy with brown hair with bushy round eyebrows emerge from the bottom staircase. He stops short when he notices you. "Oh. Who's that?" He glances at you and then at Sakusa. 

"She's Y/L/N Y/N. A friend of the Miya twins and apparently our downstairs neighbor." Sakusa answers the person. You raise a hand to greet him. The guy forms a smile to you and mimics your gesture by raising his hand, waving. "I'm Komori Motoya. It's nice to meet you. I hope Kiyoomi and I haven't been annoying upstairs neighbors for you." 

The person naming Komori seems to be easier to speak to. You shake your head. "Not at all. I'm sorry to cut the conversation short but I should really get some sleep." 

"Oh, sorry! We can talk another time then Y/L/N." Komori urges you to go inside. He pushes Sakusa up the stairs and the two quietly leave you alone. You stare at the ceiling above you, overhearing Komori speaking to Sakusa. 

"Did I interrupt your conversation with her Kiyoomi? Sorry if I did." He lightheartedly chuckles. Sakusa shakes his head and opens the door. You hear the door close behind them and walk to your own door. You wonder why Sakusa called out to you earlier.

_Did he want to say something?_

"I'm home." You whisper to the empty apartment as you slide off your shoes. You tiredly walk over to the sofa and lay down. A vibration tingles in your pocket and you take your phone out to see a text from Osamu.

"Who are you texting Osamu?" Atsumu crashes into the sofa next to Osamu, snatching his phone from him. "Hey!" Osamu reaches for his phone but fails. Atsumu quickly reads the texts between Osamu and Y/N. He stands up just as quickly as he crashed into the sofa. "SAKUSA LIVES IN THE SAME APARTMENT COMPLEX AS Y/N?!" 

Osamu snatches his phone away from Atsumu, grumbling under his breath. "Why are you so excited for?" Atsumu lowers his excitement to look at his brother. The thought that Sakusa's planted into his mind reemerges. "Say...'Samu. You don't have feelings for Y/N, right?" 

Osamu raises an eyebrow, sliding his phone back into his pocket. "Why would you ask me a question like that? " Atsumu presses his lips together and speaks nonchalantly. He takes a seat and rests his arms on the back of the sofa. "Well, I figured I would match Sakusa and Y/N up. I think they're more alike than we think." 

Osamu eyes his brother from the corner of his eye. "Why are you playing matchmaker for? You should let things happen naturally. Besides..." He stops short on his sentence. The last thing Y/N probably wants right now is a boyfriend. Osamu remembers how pale she turned when he reached toward her forehead. Whoever she dates will have to understand her fear of physical touch. Knowing the guys around their age, that's something many will be impatient about.

Atsumu eyes Osamu with squinted eyes and crossed arms. "Are you saying that because you like her or are you trying to genuinely stop me?" 

"Y/N is a friend. One that I care for. So I'm not letting you play with her heart like that." Osamu stands up to leave Atsumu alone in the living room. "So you do like her?" Atsumu calls out to Osamu who ignores him. 

Osamu didn't particularly have any wavering feelings for Y/N. He's only seen her as a friend and an excellent coworker. But after she opened her heart to him tonight...she's someone he's wanting to protect without any intentions of love.

At least...that's what he believes. 


	5. 3AM conversations

You lean over the railing of the back porch of your apartment at 3AM. It's been a three weeks since you've come clean to Osamu about the thing that gives you constant anxiety.

Your friendship seems closer now since that wall is knocked down.

You drag out a puff of smoke and stare out into the dark night. There are no stars for you to look at. The only sound is of the faint cicadas and music that's being played at another apartment building across from yours. You can't imagine the neighbors who share the same building as the one that's still partying this late into the night.

The soft noise of a screen door opens from above you and you tense up.

_Is it Sakusa or Motoya?_

The smell of your cigarette gives you away and you hear a low voice call out your name. "Having a hard time sleeping?" The voice belongs to Sakusa. He sounds much clearer so you assume he's not wearing his face mask. You wonder if you should put out your cigarette incase it bothered him.

"Yeah. What about you Sakusa? You're not up at this time usually." You walk over to your ash tray to put out the cigarette. Sakusa remains quiet. The smell of Y/L/N's cigarette seems less powerful than earlier. She must've put it out in consideration for him. He didn't know she was the neighbor that would frequently smoke. He only assumed it was the neighbor next to her.

Sakusa couldn't envision what Y/L/N may look like with a cigarette in her hand. "I just needed some fresh air. I couldn't sleep." Sakusa musters an answer after pondering in his thoughts for too long.

"Ah...sorry for polluting the air with my cigarette." You lightheartedly laugh. Walking back over to the railing, you lean forward and exhale. It's getting a bit colder now that fall is here. You didn't feel the cold earlier but with your mind no longer clouded, you definitely feel the chills.

"I didn't know you smoked Y/L/N." Sakusa makes small talk while the two of you stare out into the darkness. "Yeah...it's a habit I'm hoping to stop." You say the words weakly. You'd hope one day you wouldn't have to depend on drugs just to ease your nerves. The one drug you wouldn't ever rely on will be alcohol. The thought makes your chest tight and you feel the quick panic rising again.

You dig your fingernails into your palm to feel the pain rather than to feel anxiety.

"Is there a reason why you're smoking? If it's too personal, I understand. You don't have to explain it to me since we're just neighbors." Sakusa seems more talkative than any of the times you've seen him. Maybe he's more comfortable since you're not talking face to face. You also feel the same way.

"You're also my Wednesday regular Sakusa." A smile forms on your lips when you look up. You're surprised to see his eyes looking down at you. He averts his eyes shyly when you mention him as a regular.

Lowering your eyes back down, you clear your throat. "I smoke to ease my anxiety from flaring up into panic attacks." You don't delve into the deeper details and Sakusa doesn't pry it out of you. He silently nods his head and slowly turns his attention back down to Y/L/N. "I'm not much of a talker but Motoya tells me I'm a great listener. So..." Sakusa trails off, his hand ruffling through his wavy hair.

"I can't burden you with my problems Sakusa."

"It wouldn't be a burden. Besides, isn't it easier sometimes to talk to someone who you're not close to? I don't have much of an opinion of you yet so I wouldn't be able to judge harshly."

Your breath shortens when you listen to Sakusa. He seems to have a way with his words. And every time, you're moved by them. Feeling overwhelmed by his kindness, you clench your hand against the railing and silently nod your head. You raise your head up to look at Sakusa with a small smile.

"Same goes for you Sakusa. I'll be here if you have something on your mind." Sakusa answers you with a small nod. You briefly leave the balcony to grab a paper and pencil, scribbling your name and number down. You then ball it up into a paper ball and return back to the balcony. "Here. It's my number." You toss the ball upwards and Sakusa extends his hand out to catch it. He slowly unfolds the paper ball to see Y/L/N's small handwriting.

He lets out a small chuckle. "You could've just told me your number."

"Yeah...but." You don't know how to act when you're speaking to Sakusa. He's very expressionless like Osamu but on another level. "You should get some sleep Sakusa." You purposely change the topic.

"Are you going to get ready for work?" He asks softly before turning around to go back in. Nodding your head, you run your fingers through your hair, pushing it back. "Will I be seeing you later?" You wear a small smile when you look up into Sakusa's eyes. Sakusa nods his head. He raises a hand to say goodbye. "Don't work too hard Y/L/N." You watch Sakusa disappear from the railing and you hear the sound of his screen door open and close.

Inhaling the cool night air once more, you then head inside to get ready. With the extra time on your hands, you decide to put some effort on your eye makeup and hairstyle.


	6. Sakusa or Osamu

Osamu pulls his jacket closer to him, a cloud of mist escaping from his hot breath in the cold morning air. His footsteps come to a halt when he sees Y/N sitting on the steps of the onigiri shop. She looks different than usual. The ends of her hair are wavy today and it seems like she's wearing makeup. The leather jacket on her small frame gives her an intimidating aura.

She lowers the black face mask from her face and fishes her jacket pocket for a lighter. 

Osamu anticipates for her to light a cigarette but she only plays with the lighter. Flickering it on and off. A smile forms on his face when he walks over to her. He quietly sits next to her. "You're here early." 

Startled, you flick the lighter off and turn to look at Osamu who sits next to you. His gray hair is slightly damp when you look at it. "And are you trying to catch a cold? You should properly dry your hair Osamu." 

"Are you lecturing your boss?" Osamu raises an eyebrow. With a smirk, you point at his watch. "My shift doesn't start for another ten minutes. So you're on my friend time right now." He dryly chuckles under his breath and shakes his head at your response. "You seem happier this morning. Something good happened?" Osamu returns his gaze on you. Folding your arms, you rest them on top of your knees and stare up at the dark blue sky. 

"I had a little chat with Sakusa earlier this morning. He seems a bit hard to talk to and I don't know how to act around him but he seems really kind. He seems to know the right words to say despite not knowing anything." The corner of your lips curl into a small smile and you rest your chin on top of your arms. "I shouldn't have judged him too soon before meeting him. He's nothing like Atsumu." 

Osamu quietly watches Y/N smile to herself. He's glad to see her smiling but there's a slight jealous feeling he gets at the thought that Sakusa knows the right words to say to her. Osamu knows Y/N longer and he still has trouble with forming the right words. Atsumu's idiotic question creeps into his thoughts.

_"Say...'Samu. You don't have feelings for Y/N, right?"_

"Y/N." Osamu huskily calls out to her. "What are your thoughts on Sakusa? Is he someone you think you'll fall in love with?" The question slips past his lips before he can process what he's asking her. It's too late to take his words back now. He figured Atsumu will eventually ask her this question anyway. It didn't matter if he asked her first. 

You stare at Osamu questionably. "Where did that question come from? Is it because I said he has a way with his words?" You notice the stern expression Osamu wears. He wears such a serious look on his face that you start to feel tense. "I barely know Sakusa. The last thing I would think about is falling in love with him." You tuck your hair behind your ear but it slowly unravels and falls onto the side of your face.

"What about me?" Osamu whispers his next question. 

Your eyes widen briefly and you turn to look at him. "What?" 

Osamu's serious expression doesn't waver. "What are your thoughts on me? Am I someone you can fall in love with?" 

Hearing Osamu repeat himself again makes your mind frazzled. You feel a knot in your chest and your heart flutters slightly. You didn't see Osamu in that kind of way. The thought never crossed your mind actually. Yes he's good looking but you never stopped to think that he'll make a good boyfriend. "You're my boss and someone I think I can start calling my best friend." You answer him honestly. "But...I don't think I deserve to fall in love with you Osamu. You're out of my league."

You start to raise a finger for every compliment you give him. "You're handsome, smart, kind, and mature. You also have a successful business that you've done all by yourself for the most part. You're in a league all of your own Osamu." You return your gaze to him. "You shine far too bright for someone like me." 

Osamu quietly listens to you and you watch his serious expression falter into a small smile. "I think you put me on too high of a pedestal Y/N."

"Are you kidding me? Have you not seen yourself Osamu?" You dryly laugh when you watch him run his fingers through his hair. "Besides, why does it matter if I don't fall for you? There's plenty of girls who come to the shop just to see you." You slowly rise to your feet when you notice the time on Osamu's watch. 

"Because...I don't know them like I know you Y/N." Osamu answers your question as easily as you questioned him. He looks up to you from his spot. Your heart flutters from his answer. You're unable to maintain eye contact with Osamu so you avert your eyes. 

"I can't tell if your words have a double meaning Osamu." You murmur under your breath. He slowly stands up and shrugs. "I'll let you ponder on that thought Y/N." Osamu hesitantly raises his finger. You flinch in anticipation. You then feel his finger gently press on your forehead. Your shoulders relax and he holds his finger there a second longer. 

The two of you share a moment of silence before he lowers his finger. "Let's start prepping." He turns around to unlock the front door. You slowly raise your hand and press your fingertips on your forehead when he's not looking. 

_Osamu just poked your forehead. That's a first._

Neither of you speak to each other after the conversation outside. The two of you quietly focus on your morning tasks to prepare for the morning and afternoon rush. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

The windchimes echo in the quiet onigiri shop and Osamu parts his lips to welcome the guest but he's taken aback when he sees who it is. 

"Sakusa, you're here early." He raises his eyebrows and wipes his hands with a hand towel. Sakusa murmurs a tired good morning. He looks around and notices Y/L/N isn't around. "If you're looking for Y/N, she's in the bathroom." Sakusa presses his lips together, feeling a bit embarrassed that he's so easily readable to Osamu.

"Your regular order?" Osamu grabs the pickled plums out of the jar when Sakusa takes a seat in front of him. Sakusa silently nods his head and takes his face mask off. The front door opens again and so does the female bathroom door. "Y/N! You look more beautiful than you usually do today." Atsumu is loud as ever when he enters the shop. "Close the door Atsumu, you're letting the cold in." Osamu lectures his twin as he grabs a handful of rice into his palm.

"Oh, you're here early Sakusa." You purposely ignore Atsumu when you see Sakusa sitting at the counter. "Hey!" Atsumu walks over to stand in front of you. He corners you by the bathroom door and your anxiety starts to flare up with the closed off proximity. 

"Atsumu you're too close." You weakly mutter out, the color in your face starts to pale but Atsumu is clueless to the situation. He extends his hand to lower your face mask, unaware of how overly friendly he's being. 

You let out a soft yelp, pushing Atsumu away. Osamu raises his eyes up from the onigiri in his hand and notices how Atsumu's cornered you. "S-Sorry did I hurt you Y/N?!" He grows flustered when he sees the corner of your eyes tear up. Sakusa turns around to see the situation and he notices how pale Y/L/N looks. Her chest heaves up and down heavily and she's trembling. 

"Atsumu, get away from her." Osamu lowers the onigiri onto the counter and starts to make his way over to the two but Sakusa stands up from his seat before him. 

"She's starting to have a panic attack. What did you do to her Atsumu?" Sakusa pulls Atsumu away from the hem of his jacket. "I was just trying to tease her by taking her face mask off. I didn't mean to make her react like this."

Sakusa shakes his head and looks at Atsumu with a deadpan expression. 

Osamu is careful when he approaches you, he squats down to your eye level and gives you plenty of space to not feel cornered. "You can't be so touchy with her Atsumu." Osamu flicks his eyes over to his idiot twin. Atsumu wears a guilty expression and profusely apologizes to Y/N. "Y/N, can I help you up? Get some fresh air out back." 

Osamu extends his hand to her but he's unsure if she's going to accept his offer. Her small trembling hand only grabs hold of his pinky. For a brief second the word cute floats on his mind. She grips onto his pinky tightly and the two stand up. He escorts her towards the back of the shop and she exits from the back door to recollect herself. 

Osamu reemerges to the front of the shop. "Why did she react like that? You know something don't you 'Samu?" Atsumu sits down at the counter with furrowed brows. "She's traumatized about something." Sakusa speaks under his breath. 

"It's not my business to tell. Y/N will tell you one day. Maybe. Probably not." Osamu washes his hands and returns to making Sakusa's onigiri. "Just don't corner her next time. She's also sensitive to physical touch so refrain your grabby hands. She's not one of your fangirls where you can just toy with." Atsumu sulks in his seat, pouting. "I wasn't trying to hurt her. I only wanted to see her face." Osamu places two onigiri's in front of Sakusa and turns his attention to his brother. "Are you here to talk or eat Atsumu?" 

Atsumu straightens up in his seat. "To eat. But I don't want you to make it for me." Osamu looks around him and back to Atsumu. "I'm the only one here right now so you'll have to deal." Atsumu groans at the thought and gives in. "Fine, I want four of them today." 

"Should someone check if Y/L/N is okay?" Sakusa lowers the onigiri he's bitten and stares at the back door. 

"You're free to go back there Sakusa." Osamu glances over to Sakusa for a brief second before returning his eyes on the onigiri in his palm. "Atsumu don't follow him." Atsumu lowers his butt down on the stool after being caught by his twin. He huffs under his breath and watches Sakusa disappear to the back. 

Walking down the narrow hallway towards the back of the shop, Sakusa carefully opens the door. His eyes glance to the right towards Y/L/N who's wrapping her arms around herself as she stands off to the side. She's quietly counting to ten to inhale and exhale with her eyes closed. Sakusa looks down at his coat. He's usually not one to offer his clothes but Y/L/N is just in a black t-shirt. 

He quietly takes his coat off and is careful to drape it over her. Her breathing is sharp when she flutters her eyes open. She turns to look at Sakusa who keeps his distance from her. 

You're surprised to see Sakusa out here. Your eyes idle a bit on his bare face and then you realize the sudden warmth from his coat. "Um, you didn't have to give me your coat." You reach up to his coat to pull it off of you but Sakusa stops you with his words. 

"No, it's alright. Keep it on. I just..." He pauses for a brief moment before speaking again. "I was worried. So I came out here to check up on you. It's never fun whenever you start to get a panic attack. I used to have them a lot when I was younger." 

"Oh...Well thank you Sakusa." 

He nods his head and a silence fills the conversation. Sakusa slides his hands into his pockets and he quietly leans against the wall. You look at him from the corner of your eye, feeling a bit better now. "You don't have to stay out here with me. I'm feeling a bit better now." 

"It's alright. I don't want to be in there while Osamu lectures Atsumu. Those two can bicker for awhile." Sakusa drags out a sigh and you can see a cloud of hot air form from his breath. You notice how lanky Sakusa appears in his black sweater. Feeling guilty, you take his coat off of you. You then recall Atsumu calling Sakusa a germaphobe the first time you met him.

_Should you return his coat after taking it to the dry cleaners?_

"Um, should I get this cleaned for you before returning it? Or..." You feel as if you're asking a stupid question. Sakusa shakes his head. "Are you going back in now?" 

Nodding your head, he takes the coat from you and places it back on. "If you were Atsumu I would definitely take it to the dry cleaners. My phobia of germs isn't extreme. You're fine Y/L/N." He opens the door for you and you thank him. You notice his awareness of keeping his distance from you when the two of you walk through the narrow hallway. 

"Y/N! I'M SO SORRY." Atsumu yells out the moment he sees you reemerge. You walk over to the sink and wash your hands before drying them off to grab plastic gloves to wear. Atsumu sulks when you ignore him. "Are you feeling better?" Osamu asks you when you stand beside him. You nod your head. Atsumu lingers his eyes to Sakusa, curious to what the two of them spoke about in the back. He catches a whiff of a floral perfume coming from Sakusa's coat. He's about to open his mouth to badger Sakusa about sharing his coat with Y/N, when Y/N extends an onigiri out to Atsumu. 

He narrows his eyes on the onigiri and trails his eyes towards her shy expression. "You're forgiven Atsumu. It's not your fault that you don't know about my trauma." Atsumu forgets about Sakusa and grins from ear to ear. "Heh, you're so cute Y/N. Are you feeding me?" Atsumu easily makes you flustered when you see him open his mouth innocently. 

"You can feed yourself, idiot." Feeling your face redden, you lower his onigiri onto his plate. Osamu chuckles under his breath when he watches the exchange. Atsumu groans but happily eats his fifth onigiri of the day. 

You then turn to look at Sakusa who finishes off his second onigiri. You offer him a pickled plum on a toothpick, just like your first meeting. A faint glimmer appears in his eyes when he sees the pickled plum. You smile at his reaction. He must really love these pickled plums. 

Expecting Sakusa to take the toothpick from your hand, you're surprised when he leans forward to bite it off the toothpick. Atsumu chokes on his onigiri when he sees the scene beside him. "IDIOT. YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO TAKE THE TOOTHPICK." Sakusa pays Atsumu no attention as he happily chews with a blank expression. 

"Since you're feeding everyone." Osamu speaks beside you, he raises an onigiri towards you. Your brows knit together when you see the mysterious smile on Osamu's lips. You're hesitant to eat whatever he's filled the onigiri with. "Don't leave me hanging Y/N. It's embarrassing if you do." Giving in, you lower your face mask and take a bite from the onigiri. Osamu's heart wavers when Y/N takes a bite from the onigiri he's extended. Like you expected, the onigiri he feeds you is a concoction that's mixed together. You hurry over to the sink to spit it out. 

"O-OSAMU. What did you put in the onigiri?!" You pour yourself a cup of water, chugging it down. Curious to see why Y/N's reacted so strongly to his onigiri, Osamu takes a bite from the same onigiri. "Indirect kiss." Atsumu mutters his thoughts out loud. His eyes narrow on the two.

Osamu scrunches his nose when he tastes the mixed flavor. He combined the pickled plums with tuna and leftover natto beans. "Yeah...that's pretty disgusting." Osamu forces himself to finish the onigiri. Unsure why Osamu would force himself to eat it, you hand him the cup that's in your hand. He washes the foul taste down with water.

"Second indirect kiss." Atsumu points out. 

"More kisses than you'll ever get from her." Sakusa nonchalantly says to Atsumu. 

"HEY! Since when did you learn to joke like that Sakusa!?" Atsumu turns to bicker at Sakusa while Y/N questions Osamu's creation. The four of them breakoff into their own conversations.


	7. Telling the two the truth

"How did these two end up shopping with us..." Osamu murmurs under his breath, pushing the shopping cart down an aisle in the supermarket. You're staring at the list of supplies the shop is low on from your phone while you slowly walk beside Osamu. "Did you just want it to be the two of us?" You lower the phone down to glance at Osamu. He remains quiet from your question. 

"Say Sakusa...what do you think about Osamu and Y/N?" Atsumu whispers to Sakusa who's staring blankly at the selection of ramen. Sakusa is wondering how Atsumu managed to persuade him to stay out longer after the busy day he's had from his classes. "What about them?" Sakusa's voice is slightly muffled. 

"They've been closer lately." Atsumu crosses his arms. He feels left out from the loop. 

"Does that bother you? You could just tell them so. You speak your mind without a care anyway." He walks away from the ramen to follow after the two who've managed to move along to the next aisle. 

"Well...The thing is, Osamu technically met Y/N first. So I guess it makes sense if she finds him more comfortable. But I think I'm an approachable guy. More so than Osamu." Atsumu starts to ramble his inner thoughts aloud while Sakusa quietly listens. "You worry over the silliest things Atsumu. Shouldn't you focus on your classes? I heard from Komori that your grades are slipping in everything but volleyball." Sakusa looks at Atsumu from the corner of his eye. Atsumu stiffens when he thinks about his grades. 

"I don't need to hear that from you Sakusa. Just answer my question." 

"I've answered your question before. Don't you think Osamu likes Y/N? They've gotten closer like you said." Sakusa answers nonchalantly, leaving Atsumu behind. "You live with him too Atsumu. Shouldn't you be the first to know your own brothers feelings?" Atsumu hurries after Sakusa, ready to retort.

"Atsumu, do we have anymore pudding at home?" Osamu calls out for his brother, pulling him away from Sakusa. "Damn it." Atsumu hurries over to Osamu's side. The two stare intensely at the pudding selection. Sakusa notices Y/L/N isn't by Osamu and wonders where she's disappeared to. 

"Where's Y/L/N?" Sakusa asks Osamu and he points over to the seafood part of the market. "We'll be over there shortly." Osamu glances at Sakusa who nods his head. He slowly makes his way to Y/L/N. 

You stare at the different packaged roes laid out beautifully with a sticker of the different fish the roe came from. Pollock, salmon, and cod roe. You needed the three but there seems to be different companies who provide them. The one Osamu usually likes seems to be sold out. 

"Is something wrong?" Sakusa's voice startles you when he silently appears next to you. "S-Sakusa." You stammer out his name. "It seems like the brand Osamu likes is sold out so I was wondering which one I should pick." 

"He's with Osamu right now to pick out pudding. He said he'll come over after that." Sakusa relays the message Osamu told him earlier. Nodding your head, you continue to look at the packaged roes. The man behind the counter notices your troubled expression and walks up to the counter to assist you.

"Having a hard time picking something, miss?" The kind older gentleman smiles at you when he calls out to you. 

"Ah...yes. Which roe would you suggest is the best tasting for onigiri?" You point to the roes and the gentleman glances down. He grabs six packages, two of each kind from the different companies. "It's better if I let you taste them for yourself." He scoops a small amount from each package onto their own spoon and then places them on a small plate for you. You thank him before he walks away. "Well, that was nice of him." Sakusa mutters beside you. 

"Yeah." You glance at Sakusa, smiling under your mask. "Now, should I wait for Osamu or should I trust my own palette..." You stare at the six spoons of roe. Asking Sakusa will be out of the question. Eating off the same spoon might be too much for him. It's more extreme than sharing his coat. 

You decide to trust your own taste buds for this one. Lowering your mask, you raise one spoon to your mouth, eating only half of the salmon roe. "How is it?" Sakusa asks Y/L/N. Her expression answers his question. Your face scrunches and you pull the spoon out from your mouth. "It's so salty." Shaking your head, you mentally vote a no. Sakusa smirks from under his mask, holding back his laughter at Y/L/N's reaction. Osamu and Atsumu rejoin the two after deciding on two separate puddings. 

"You still haven't picked anything out Y/N?" Osamu notices your contorted face. 

"They're not selling our usual brand so I'm trying to find one to use in the meantime. Help me decide." You point at the plate of spoons and Osamu eyes the spoon you're holding out. He leans forward to eat the other half. 

"Three indirect kisses." Atsumu narrows his eyes on the two. Sakusa feels a bit guilty that he couldn't be of assistance to Y/L/N when she needed help. He's unable to share a spoon like Osamu is. 

"Stop mumbling weird things and try this one." You glance at Atsumu, raising a spoon to his lips. His eyes sparkle at the thought that he'll possibly share an indirect kiss with Y/N. But Osamu is the one to finish off the other half of the salmon roe. Sakusa presses his lips together, holding back the chuckle he has when he sees how devastated Atsumu looks. "The second one is better." Osamu pays no mind to Atsumu. 

"Alright. Now we have to try the cod and pollock." You grab the salmon roe package and place it in the cart. Osamu leaves the cart to stand beside you. Sakusa then leaves from Y/L/N's side to rejoin Atsumu. 

"Do you not trust yourself to pick the ingredients Y/N?" Osamu takes a bite from the spoon of cod. "Not exactly. You're really picky with your ingredients." You avert your eyes from Osamu. He wears a small smirk from your response and raises the spoon to your lips. You're hesitant to eat the cod.

_What if it's salty like the salmon roe?_

Osamu patiently holds the spoon for you and you nervously finish off what's on the spoon. 

"Ugh. It looks like they're a couple." Atsumu grumbles when he looks at Osamu and Y/N. "They're also ignoring me as I'm standing not even six feet from them. Doesn't that bother you too Sakusa?" Atsumu looks over at Sakusa who's silently watching the two. "They have chemistry." Sakusa speaks nonchalantly. "But I think they're better as friends." 

Osamu glances over at Atsumu and Sakusa. "Can you two not talk as if we aren't here?" 

"So you were ignoring me!" Atsumu ignores Osamu's statement to point out another. 

"Atsumu you should just tell them what's been on your mind." Sakusa slyly puts the attention on Atsumu and for the first time in the year that you've known Atsumu, he's flushing red. "Damn you Sakusa." Atsumu says between clench teeth. 

"What is it?" You raise an eyebrow, raising your face mask back up after tasting all the samples. Atsumu knits his brows together and inhales deeply. "I feel a bit left out of the group between you and 'Samu. I know you see him more than I do but...we've all been friends at the same time." Atsumu then looks at Sakusa. "Don't you feel left out too Omi-kun?" 

Sakusa knits his brows together, confused to why he's dragged into the conversation. "I'm indifferent. Y/L/N and I have only met for a month." 

"But you still feel left out, right?" 

"Well..." Things like that didn't bother Sakusa. He hasn't grown any emotional attachment to any of them. Atsumu shakes his head at Sakusa and returns his gaze at Y/N. 

"Are you two secretly in love and are too afraid to tell me because I'm the third wheel?" Atsumu blurts out a ridiculous idea and Osamu can't help but laugh at the thought. You shake your head at Atsumu's question. Your eyes glance over to Osamu and you repeat your answer you've told Osamu previously this morning. The two of you share eye contact. 

"Osamu shines far too bright for someone like me." 

The smile on Osamu slowly falters when he looks into your eyes. Atsumu and Sakusa both feel like they've witnessed a silent rejection when they listen to Y/N.

"Someone like you? You speak as if you're less valuable Y/N." Atsumu raises an eyebrow and you pull your eyes away from Osamu. Running your fingers through your hair, you exhale. "Because I am. My purity was stripped away from me without my consent and I haven't been the same since then." 

Atsumu doesn't understand the meaning to her words while Sakusa tries to piece the things he's learned about Y/L/N. 

Changing the conversation, you raise the phone up to look at the list. "The last thing we need is rice. We should get it before the checkout lines get too long." You leave the three behind without waiting for their response. 

"Way to go Atsumu. You made her bring up something she's sensitive about." Osamu glares at Atsumu who tenses up. He didn't purposely want to hurt Y/N for the second time today. "Osamu, was Y/N violated by someone?" Sakusa speaks in a low serious tone. Atsumu widens his eyes in terror when he slowly comes across the thought. Exhaling, Osamu lightly nods.

"Who?" Atsumu fumes in anger but Osamu seals his lips. He's unwilling to tell them Y/N's business like that. Sakusa lowers his eyes, his chest tightening at the thought. Seeing as though Osamu wouldn't tell him, Atsumu leaves to look for Y/N personally. 

You hear rushed footsteps to your left and glance up to see Atsumu with an angry expression. His emotions seems to be all over the place today. "Who did it Y/N, I'll kick their ass?!" 

"Who did what?" You raise an eyebrow, clueless to what he's talking about. 

Atsumu holds the urge back from gripping her shoulders and shaking out the information from her. Her eyes glance to the left towards Osamu and Sakusa. "Who hurt you Y/N? You told Osamu, right? I want to know too. So next time I wouldn't purposely hurt you." Atsumu looks flustered when he eyes her clueless expression. 

Sakusa silently stands beside Atsumu, pulling the hem of his jacket. "That's not how you should confront someone Atsumu. She has to be willing to tell you on her own term." 

It seems like Sakusa and Atsumu have realized the real meaning behind your words. There's no reason for you to hide it from them now. They've managed to piece things together quickly. 

"You don't need to get revenge for me Atsumu. He's already in jail. The person I'm hiding from..." You bite your inner cheek. The thought of having to call the man the title he didn't deserve makes you upset. Osamu notices Y/N struggling to finish her sentence. He aches to hold her hand. To give it a gentle squeeze. But he can only mentally cheer her on. 

You squeeze your eyes shut and the images flood your mind. Your body begins to tremble while you squat down to wrap your arms around yourself. You thought you were ready to answer Atsumu since you've told Osamu but it seems like you're still not mentally strong. 

Atsumu clasps and unclasps his hands together, unsure what to do for Y/N. Sakusa lowers himself down to her level and pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket. The twins quietly watch Sakusa. Osamu remembers Y/N's words from earlier today as he watches Sakusa comfort her. 

_"He seems to know the right words to say despite not knowing anything."_

Sakusa delicately presses the handkerchief onto your face, wiping the tears away from dripping onto your face mask. Your eyes slowly flutter open to see Sakusa. He quietly wipes your tears, focusing on your face. 

"Don't push yourself. If Atsumu is a good friend as he claims to be, he'll patiently wait to hear your answer when you're ready." Sakusa turns his attention towards your eyes directly. You stare into his black eyes that hold little expression. You start to wonder if Sakusa sees you as a burden. You've made a horrible first impression and the only thing you've done today is have him cheer you up. 

If you were in his position, you'd question if this is the type of friendship you needed in your life. You mutter an apology to Sakusa. "Sorry Sakusa. I seem to trouble you a lot. It's not too late to back out on being my friend. I'd hate to burden you with my problems too."

He answers you with silence, seeming to be in thought. You straighten yourself up to look at Atsumu who wears a pained expression. 

"I made you cry again Y/N. I can't seem to be the friend you can lean on." Atsumu murmurs under his breath, hanging his head down. Seeing him like this didn't fit his character. Sakusa slowly stands up and stands beside Atsumu. Clenching your hands, you inhale and exhale slowly. "My dad." 

"What?" Atsumu raises his head up to look at you. 

"My dad is the one I'm hiding from." You slowly raise your arms to your body, whispering softly for the two to hear. "He molested me when I was 14 while he was intoxicated and my mother grew to hate me. She blames me for her failed marriage and the amount of debt that's piled onto her because of it. That's the secret I hid from you." 

Sakusa and Atsumu stare at you with horrified expressions. Osamu rolls the cart past them and stops beside you. He wears a small smile when you look up at him. "I'm proud of you Y/N. That must've taken you a lot of courage to tell these two." 

You nod your head to Osamu, feeling more of the weight on your chest lighten. You lower your arms down and exhale deeply. Todays been a complete roller coaster and the last thing you want to do right now is be in a supermarket. You ached the silence of your apartment. Osamu grabs two bags of rice and the four of you walk over to the checkout lanes. Atsumu and Sakusa remain quiet the remainder of the shopping trip and the trip back to the store to drop off the ingredients. The four of you then split off to go home.

Sakusa and you both walk quietly back to the apartment building and you exchange a good night when you walk towards your floor of the building. Not wanting to go inside just yet, you pull out a cigarette and a lighter. Placing the cigarette between your lips, you raise the lighter to light it. 

"Y/L/N." Sakusa calls out to you from the steps. You're surprised that he's still standing there when you look over to him. He quietly walks over to you and you pull the cigarette out from your lips. "Is something wrong Sakusa?" 

"Don't say things like you're burdening me or to not be your friend. I can't easily forget the things I've learned about you these past few weeks."

You tense up from Sakusa's statement. You feel like he's scolding you without intently doing so. "I can choose whether or not I want this friendship and I choose to stick around." 

"O-Okay." You stammer out a response. Unable to keep eye contact with him any longer, you look away to take a puff from your cigarette. 

Sakusa silently watches her smoke. Y/L/N's isolated eyes makes him feel far away from her.

_What would Osamu do right now?_

He would probably take her cigarette from her and bicker about how bad smoking is. But Sakusa didn't have the strength to do something like that. The cigarette rests between her lips and his chest tightens at the thought of touching it.

Sakusa decides to turn around and leave after telling Y/L/N goodnight.


	8. Matching costumes

"Are you almost done Y/N? I'm about to turn the lights off." Osamu calls out from the back of the shop as you hang the last Halloween garland up by the front window of the shop. The two of you stayed back for an hour to decorate the shop for the upcoming holiday. 

"Yeah!" You call out to Osamu. With a click, the shop lights cut off allowing the fairy lights to glimmer in the shop. The lights aren't as bright due to it still being bright outside, but you're sure it'll look beautiful when it's dark out. 

Osamu walks towards the front of the store and eyes the decorations. A small smile etches onto his face. "I'm sure the customers will like the new decorations when they come by next week."

The shop only operates Monday - Friday and with Halloween being on a Saturday this year, the two of you expect next weeks foot traffic to double. 

"Are you coming to the Halloween party Atsumu is throwing at our apartment?" Osamu asks you while opening the front door for you. You take a step outside and wrap your gingham patterned scarf around your neck. Pressing your lips together, you ponder on the thought.

"It'll be fun?" Osamu tries to sound enthusiastic about the idea but his persuasion needs a bit more work. "I'm not sure how comfortable I'll be around a bunch of drunk 20 year olds." You murmur under your breath. "I'll be there." Osamu glances at you from the corner of his eye. "You're forced to be there. It's your place." You giggle in response, shaking your head. 

"Sakusa will be there too. Or well, Atsumu's somehow pulled him into going." Osamu glances up at the clear sky above him. "And he hates crowds." 

"Are you trying to bait me into going by mentioning Sakusa?" The two of you stop at a crosswalk, waiting for the pedestrian signal to light up. "I'm just saying that he hates crowds and he's somewhat willing to go to a Halloween party." Osamu wears a playful smirk and you avert his eyes. 

"You know this will all be solved if you tell me you want me there to keep you company Osamu." 

"Would you say yes if I ask?"

With a smirk, you return your gaze on Osamu. "I don't know, will I?" Osamu relaxes his raised eyebrows and lets out a dry chuckle. He shyly runs his fingers through his gray hair, pressing his lips together. 

You find it amusing that he's getting shy over something small like this. He exhales and parts his lips slightly, ready to ask Y/N when the light flashes for her to cross. This is where she usually crosses the street while he takes a left turn. But, she waits for Osamu to muster up the courage to ask her the question. 

The two step a bit closer in front of each other to let the other pedestrians cross. Osamu forms a troubled expression when he mentally asks the question on repeat. For once food isn't the only thing on his mind. He'd hate to be stuck at a Halloween party with others he didn't find that entertaining to be around. Majority are Atsumu's university friends. 

You notice the crease in his forehead and the awkward silence starts to make you feel uncomfortable. Nervously, you raise a finger and gently poke Osamu on the forehead. The crease disappears from his forehead and his eyes widen when he looks over to you. "I'll be there Osamu. Just, don't expect me to dress up." You lower your trembling hand back to your side, still surprised you poked Osamu. He seems just as surprised as you are when you see his cheeks turn a soft shade pink. 

"Alright." Osamu clears his throat to answer you. "Sorry for making you miss your chance to cross the street." Shrugging your shoulders, you smile. "It's still early. I'm not in a rush to head home." 

"Then, do you want to come with me to get a costume?" Osamu extends the offer to you and you nod in response. "What did you have in mind? Are you and Atsumu going to wear matching costumes?" 

"Just because we're twins, doesn't mean we have to do everything together." Osamu wears a half smile and you walk next to him. "I was thinking about an onigiri costume." 

"R-Really? But, that's...not appealing." You grimace at the thought. "Some girls would take the chance to dress overly sexy, wouldn't guys try to dress overly sexy too?" 

"Sexy? Is that what you're interested in seeing during Halloween Y/N?" Osamu teases you and your face easily flushes red. "N-No!" You stammer out. "But, I'd prefer to see you in something other than an onigiri. We work with onigiri nearly every day." 

"Then, what should I be? Maybe we can match?" Osamu throws out the idea to you. But you can only imagine what Osamu may possibly think of. Food is always on his mind so you're not going to be surprised if he forces you into a food combo costume with him. "Let's just not dress up..." You mumble out. 

"Oh look! This looks silly and can be sexy if you use enough imagination." Osamu stops at a storefront and points out a soy sauce costume. You facepalm and groan. "I'm going home Osamu. Your taste in costumes is unappealing." Osamu ignores you with a huff under his breath. "This is probably harder than I thought."

"What's Atsumu and Sakusa dressing up as?" Despite saying you'll leave, you continue to stick close to Osamu who's scanning the different costumes. 

"A werewolf and a vampire." Osamu raises up a tempura costume against his chest and he turns to look at you. You giggle in response, finding Osamu completely hopeless. An employee spots Osamu looking through the costumes and raises a different outfit to suggest to him. 

"Sorry for intruding, but I think this costume will look nice on you." You anticipate another food theme costume but you're surprised to see a popular anime themed one. Osamu raises an eyebrow when he looks at the well designed Tuxedo Mask outfit. 

"We have Sailor Moon's serenity dress for your girlfriend as well if you'd like to match."

Your eyes widen when you hear her call you Osamu's girlfriend. Parting your lips to correct her, Osamu asks her to bring the dress out and she leaves to get it. "W-Wait, Osamu. Why didn't you correct her?" You stammer out, feeling flustered. He ignores you to look at the costume the staff picked out. "Wow, this is really well made. It's not made out of cheap material either." Osamu stares at the tuxedo in the protective covering. 

Exhaling, you shake your head and notice the staff returning with the dress she's mentioned. Your breath is taken away when you see the dress. It's more of a formal dress than something to playfully wear to a Halloween party. You can't imagine the price tag on the costume. Before you can retort to Osamu about this costume idea, he's already walking off with the staff to the cash register. You hurry after him to stop him but you're baffled at the price tag. 

_52,712 yen._

"Thank you! Have a good day." The staff bows to the two of you after handing Osamu two large bags with the costumes. You're baffled by how easily Osamu drops his money.

_Does he do this on a regular basis?_

"Here." Osamu extends his hand out with your bag. "Consider this a gift from me for your belated one year anniversary for working at the onigiri shop." 

When he words it like that, you couldn't possibly decline the gift. You hesitantly take the bag from him. "Thank you Osamu. But, you do know what Tuxedo Mask and Sailor moon are, right?" 

"Yeah. They're a couple. Like us." Osamu speaks nonchalantly. You're choked up, coughing on your own saliva. "Just for the night of Halloween, obviously. You'll shine just as bright as I will. So don't reject me for the third time Y/N." 

_Third? Did he consider those times as rejection when you stated that he shines too bright for someone like you?_

"I should still find an onigiri costume just incase we need it to promote our shop." Osamu walks ahead and you keep your distance from him. You start to wonder how Osamu feels about you. His words may have a double meaning but you're too hesitant to think about it. You've told yourself many times before that love is something you didn't deserve. 

You couldn't stand looking at yourself. So you feared to let someone else love you. 


	9. You like Y/L/N, don't you?

ℍ𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 ℕ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥

You attempt to style your hair like Sailor Moons but it doesn't look quite right because of your hair length. Sighing, you give up and grab your belongings to toss into a purse before exiting the lonely apartment. The sound of the doorbell startles you when you walk towards the foyer. 

_Who could it be? It's not Osamu is it?_

You look through the door hole to see Sakusa and Komori. 

"Do you think she left already?" Komori asks Sakusa. Sakusa fidgets with his cloak and shrugs. "Atsumu didn't say she was there." 

"What made you want to walk Y/L/N to the party anyway Sakusa? It's not like you to go out of your way for someone." Komori wears a Cheshire cat like smile.

You overhear their conversation and find yourself also wondering why Sakusa is extending a hand to walk you over to Osamu's.

_Is it possible he still thinks about the secret you revealed to him and Atsumu at the supermarket three weeks ago?_

Atsumu and Sakusa have been considerate to not mention the topic after that night. So you only assumed that they would ignore it. 

"She's a friend." Sakusa softly says under his breath. He's not wearing a face mask so you hear his answer very clearly. Komori smirks when he hears Sakusa's answer. Sakusa extends his hand again to ring the doorbell before turning around to leave. 

A warmness spreads in your chest when you process Sakusa's words. You walk back slightly so your voice sounds further away. "Coming!" Clenching your nervous hands, you turn the doorknob to open the door. 

Komori leans to the side to look past Sakusa. "Oh wow. I didn't know we are going to be escorting a princess." You notice the red hood over Komori and the basket he holds.

_Is he little red riding hood?_

So he's matching with Atsumu who's going to be the werewolf. You giggle at the thought. 

"You look cute Komori." He flushes from your compliment. Sakusa remains quiet when he gazes at you. He seems speechless. With a smile, you look up to Sakusa. "I guess I shouldn't fight back against you Sakusa. I wouldn't want to be bitten by you." 

Komori chuckles at your joke. "Sakusa would shrivel up as a vampire. He'd be too freaked out about sucking someone's blood." 

Sakusa hangs his head low when Komori teases him. You step out of your apartment to lock the door. "Let's get going before it gets too crowded on the streets." Komori says, leading the way. You walk beside Sakusa and a silence drapes over you both. Pressing your lips together, you nervously look over to Sakusa. "Thank you for walking me to the Halloween party."

Sakusa nods his head, sliding his hands in his pants pocket. "We live in the same apartment complex, it would be weird if we didn't go there together." The conversation falls short again and you're unsure what to say next. Sakusa considers you a friend but you don't know much about him at all.

_Is there something you two both are interested in?_

As the two ponder in their own thoughts about what to say, Komori is the one to fill in the silence with small talk. "Say, Y/L/N. Is it true Osamu would make weird combinations of onigiri? There's a rumor he hides them randomly in an onigiri and sells them to customers." 

You raise an eyebrow at the topic. "I don't recall him ever doing that. The onigiri's are made to order so the customer would be able to see if he's slipped something in. I do know he makes me the guinea pig of these horrible concoctions..." You shiver involuntarily when you think about it. "I bet he gets a kick out of it when he sees your reactions." Komori chuckles at the thought. "That seems a bit cruel..." Sakusa comments. 

"He eats whatever is leftover of his experiments so I'm not the only one suffering." You smile at the thought of Osamu. Food really is on his mind constantly. The two of you can have a serious conversation and he'll suddenly steer the conversation to lunch or dinner.

The three of you arrive at the Miya twins apartment not long after the small talk. A faint sound of music leaks through the walls. Sakusa quietly sighs next to you. He looks drained already and neither of you have stepped inside. "Sakusa, did Atsumu drag you here?" You ask the question that's been itching you. Sakusa presses his lips together, wondering how he should answer. The door swings open and speak of the devil, Atsumu is the one to greet the three of you. 

"Took you guys long enough to get here. The parties already started so, come in, come in." Atsumu pushes Komori and Sakusa in. A smirk forms on his face when he looks at you. "Your date has been impatient Y/N." 

"Date?" Komori raises an eyebrow when he hears what Atsumu's told you. Feeling embarrassed, you correct Atsumu. "Osamu's not my date." His smirk widens and there's a glimmer in his eye. "Sure. He thinks otherwise." 

Actually, Osamu did say on Halloween night the two of you will be a couple. But you didn't take him seriously. He mentioned the onigiri costume right after so you were unsure if he meant his words. With Osamu, you needed him to clearly state what he means. 

Osamu appears before the four of you not a second later with plastic cups filled with _"fruit punch"_. "Sorry if it's a bit crowded in here. The balcony is free to use if it becomes too unbearable." Osamu looks at Sakusa specifically before he turns his attention to you. You're not used to seeing Osamu's face mostly hidden. The mask he wears over his eyes covers majority of his top half. A smile etches on his face and he speaks softly. "You look beautiful Y/N." 

Unsure how to accept his compliment, you avert your eyes away from him. "You don't look too bad either." You sheepishly reply. A warm chuckle erupts from his throat and he extends a cup to you. Taking it from his hand, you're careful to smell the drink before taking a sip. "Don't trust me?" Osamu raises an eyebrow. You shake your head no. "I can't trust the person who tricks me into eating disgusting filled onigiri once a week."

Osamu quietly chuckles and runs his fingers through his gray hair. 

"Huh, so this is what you meant when they have chemistry." Atsumu leans over to whisper to Sakusa. "I thought Osamu was trying to steal the light from me with his costume but he's actually wearing it to claim Y/N for himself. Doesn't that annoy you Sakusa?" Atsumu rambles more to himself, crossing his arms. Sakusa feels indifferent.

Two months have passed since his friendship with Y/L/N and he doesn't know her well. But he hasn't made much of an attempt to be friends with Y/L/N, besides seeing her every Wednesday. Even then the two only converse about every day topics like how are his classes going. 

"I guess." Sakusa answers Atsumu. 

"Wait, you guess it annoys you? D-Does that mean you find her interesting?!" Atsumu seems more energetic than earlier. "That means I can go back to plan A."

"Plan A?" Sakusa raises an eyebrow, unsure what Atsumu is going on about. "Plan A. Getting you and Y/N together." Atsumu grins from ear to ear. Sakusa blankly stares at Atsumu. 

_That again?_

Not wanting to give into Atsumu's little plan, Sakusa walks away from him. 

You only speak to Osamu for a brief minute before he's being called away by his old high school classmates. He apologizes to you and promises to come back shortly after but you insist for him to catch up with his friends. Feeling a bit suffocated, you decide to step outside onto the balcony. 

The problem is getting to the balcony. Several bodies fill the small apartment and everyone's extremely close against each other as they dance to the music. A troubled expression forms on your face. You analyze the possible route to take towards the balcony when a voice calls out your name to your right side. 

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" Sakusa meets your troubled expression with gentle eyes. "It's getting too crowded in here..." You notice his pale face and nod your head. He offers you his cloak to hold onto. You giggle softly at your situation. Sakusa who also hates crowds is the one to help you. Something about that seems comical. 

Taking hold of his cloak, the two of you brush past the crowd and successfully make it to the balcony. You close the screen door behind you, muffling the music inside. Exhaling deeply, you walk over to the railing. 

You forget how cold it gets now that it's late into October. Your arms litter in goosebumps. Going in now isn't something you'd prefer so you force yourself to ignore the cold. "It's a bit cold out here." Sakusa speaks up when he walks over to stand a few inches beside you. "Y-Yeah. But it's much better out here than going back in." You quietly murmur out. 

Sakusa silently nods his head. "To answer your question earlier. Atsumu did drag me into going to the party. But so did Komori. He seemed really excited about the party so I couldn't bring myself to tell him no." You smile at the fact that Sakusa puts his friends first before himself. "That's kind of you. But, is Komori okay with you being out here? I'm sure he must be looking for you."

"He'll be okay." Sakusa turns to look at the packed apartment, he flinches at the sight and roots himself to the balcony. "What about you Y/L/N? Did you come here for Osamu?" 

"Like you, I was going to say no too. But, Osamu really wanted me here for some reason. I think it would've been fine if I wasn't here though. His old friends from high school seem overjoyed to hang out with him tonight." You turn to look inside, easily spotting Osamu being surrounded by other guys. They all wear bright smiles and seem to enjoy the conversation they're having. 

"Well...I'd notice if you weren't here." Sakusa softly murmurs under his breath. You tense up and turn to look at Sakusa. "I would be out here by myself if you chose to stay home. I'm sorry I'm not Osamu. You probably would prefer him out here, right?" 

"W-Why would you say that?" 

Sakusa shrugs. "We can't seem to hold a stable conversation?" 

You lightheartedly giggle, twirling your finger around the tips of your hair. "I guess that's true. But that's only because we don't know each other that much." The two of you silently avert each others eyes when the conversation falls short. Sakusa slowly turns his attention to Y/L/N's distant eyes. She stares out at the darkness in front of her. He'd like to get to know her better without pushing it. But he's hesitant to start the conversation. 

"Sakusa." Hearing his name from her lips makes him tense up slightly. He silently responds to her call. "You said your phobia isn't extreme, right? What's something you absolutely hate that others do? I want to make sure I don't offend you." You turn to look at Sakusa. His stiff expression relaxes when he hears your question. 

"You wouldn't be able to offend me so easily Y/L/N. Most of my fear deals with lip interaction. I don't like it when others are too handsy with me either but I can't expect strangers to know that about me." Your fingers reach to touch your lips when you hear Sakusa mention it. You're glad you didn't ask Sakusa for help at the supermarket. Something small like that could've put him in a tight spot. 

"I envy Osamu." Sakusa continues to speak. "Envy him? What for?" You raise an eyebrow. 

Sakusa scrunches his nose and looks down to his feet. "I couldn't help you that time in the supermarket when you had to taste those samples. But Osamu easily ate after the same spoon as you."

You giggle to yourself.

_He's envying Osamu over something like that?_

"Have you tried to overcome your phobia?" You're unsure if your question is offensive or not and you soon regret asking him. "A-Actually you don't have to answer that." 

"No, it's alright. I haven't thought about it. I've just dealt with it. My parents and older siblings are never around a lot so I guess I picked up this phobia all on my own without intentionally doing so. I didn't have a lot of human interaction so the thought of sharing the same cup just...ugh." 

_Sakusa has older siblings? You wouldn't have guessed that._

"But when I watch your interactions with Osamu. I start to wonder if it's okay for me to get over this phobia of mine. I wouldn't want to burden whoever I date with my germaphobia." You're surprised to hear this from Sakusa. It's not very often you hear from someone about their thoughts on love. 

"That's really brave of you Sakusa. I'm sure you can get over it slowly. Maybe we can help each other? I'm afraid of physical touch and you are too in a way. I guess that's something we have in common." 

"Wouldn't Osamu be upset?" Sakusa raises his eyes up to Y/N after hearing Sakusa speak. 

"Upset about what?" Osamu quietly emerges in front of the two. Startled, you step back when you see Osamu. "What are you doing out here in this cold Y/N?" He takes his black suit jacket off to drape over your shoulders. "It's stuffy in there...and I was suggesting an idea to Sakusa." Osamu's cologne evades your nostrils when you pull his suit jacket close to you. Osamu turns his attention to Sakusa, waiting for him to answer the question. 

"Y/L/N suggest we help each other get over our fear of physical touch. I figured you would be upset about it." Sakusa bluntly answers, his cheeks slightly redden but with how dark it is, no one can see his blushing face. "Why would I be upset about that?" Osamu tilts his head. 

"You like Y/L/N, don't you?" Sakusa blankly stares at Osamu when he asks the question. Osamu's expression falters slightly and you grow nervous to hear his answer. He turns his eyes over to you, lips pressed together. A tense silence looms. You can't hear anything but the sound of your heartbeat. 


	10. Get your thoughts together

Sakusa and you gaze at Osamu, waiting for an answer. Osamu ruffles his hair and exhales. "I care about Y/N but it's not in a way where I can straightforwardly say I like her. She's someone I can rely on and open up to. I guess you can say I see her as a best friend. Love may eventually come. Or maybe it won't." Your stiff shoulders relax when you listen to Osamu explain his emotions. 

"She already rejected me twice. So, I'm sure whatever small chance of love I feel is slowly being crushed." Osamu turns his attention over to you, a small smile on his face. "I think it's a good idea for you two to spend more time together. Y/N's already taken a liking to you anyway, Sakusa. She told me you seem to know the right things to say. Something I have a hard time doing." Exhaling under his breath, he flicks his eyes over to Sakusa. 

"O-Osamu! You didn't have to tell him that." You lower your eyes, feeling embarrassed. 

"Did you really say that Y/L/N?" Sakusa turns his attention over to your blushing face. To avoid answering the question, you down the alcohol in your cup. The warmth from the alcohol spreads from your throat down to your chest. Osamu widens his eyes when he watches you knock back the drink in a hurry. "Hey, drink in moderation Y/N." 

"I'm going to get a refill." Murmuring under your breath, you excuse yourself from the two and head inside. Osamu and Sakusa silently watch her disappear. A soft chuckle rumbles from Sakusa's throat. He swirls the alcohol in his cup and takes a sip. "She did that on purpose to avoid the question. Yet, I answered honestly." Osamu shakes his head, exhaling under his breath. 

"You really don't have any feelings for Y/L/N, Osamu?" Sakusa looks up towards the clouded moon. Osamu grows quiet. He stands beside Sakusa and stares up towards the night sky. "I know we're adults now and I should man up to my emotions. But, I'm terrified of the idea of falling in love. I don't want to ruin what Y/N and I have right now. My business is going well and I just want to focus on that for now." 

Sakusa quietly listens to Osamu. Out of the twins, Osamu isn't the one Sakusa spends his time with often. So hearing something so serious from Osamu takes him aback. "Are you really okay with that?" Sakusa turns to look at Osamu's distant expression. His eyes are conflicted while his face remains neutral. "Will you be okay if Y/L/N's attention is pulled away by another guy?" 

"We're coworkers first before we're friends." Osamu bluntly answers. 

"Really? Your expression says otherwise." Sakusa notices the furrowed brows hidden under Osamu's bangs. "I think you're trying to talk yourself out of your emotions Osamu." Osamu's eyes waver when he looks over to Sakusa, his lips pressing together. He's unable to retort back to. 

"Well, get back to me when you do understand your feelings. You'll see me around more often." Sakusa leaves Osamu to rejoin the party inside. He braces himself for the pounding music when he opens the screen door. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You quietly watch the party from one corner of the apartment after tossing away your cup. Several faces are unknown to you. The feeling of uncomfortableness seeps in and you wonder if you should go back to Osamu to return his suit jacket before leaving for the night. "So where's your refill, Y/N?" The familiar voice of Osamu catches your attention when you look to the right. He points to your empty hands. Scrunching your nose, you avert your eyes to avoid his. "Why did you have to embarrass me in front of Sakusa." 

He lightheartedly chuckles and leans on the wall next to you. "Did you want to keep it a secret from him?" 

"Well...not really. I would tell him eventually when we get closer." Your eyes stare at the floor beneath you. Osamu nods his head slowly. "Did you bring a pack of cigarettes with you?" He changes the conversation, eyeing you. Nodding your head, you reach for them in your purse. "Why?" 

Osamu takes it from you and tilts his head to the front entrance. "Let's talk outside. It's loud in here." You follow after him, confused to why he's suddenly wanting to smoke. You flinch when you spot Atsumu French kissing one girl and holding another around their waist. You've heard he's known to be the player between him and Osamu but it takes you by surprise when you physically see him with two separate girls. 

Osamu makes a face of disgust when he notices Atsumu. He extends his hand to grab yours but retracts his hand as quickly as he extends it. You take notice and timidly grab hold of his pinky. Osamu tenses a bit when he feels your warmth. He leads you past the apartment and towards the small park that's placed in the middle of the apartment complex. Letting go of his pinky, the two of you take a seat on the swings. "Atsumu seems to be enjoying himself tonight." You dryly laugh. 

"A bit too much." Osamu grumbles. The conversation falls flat but it's a comfortable silence. You hear Osamu open the pack of cigarettes beside you. He places the cigarette between his lips and you raise the flame of the lighter towards him. "Something bothering you Osamu? You're not one to smoke." You take the pack of cigarettes back from Osamu, placing it back into your purse. He drags out a puff and quietly sighs. 

"Can I ask you something?" Osamu leans forward, while your eyes glance up towards the moon. "Sure." You whisper. 

"Do you see me as your boss or your best friend?" 

_Does Osamu worry about your view on him? That's odd. You figured the answer is common sense._

"Well, you're my boss when I'm at work and my best friend when I'm not at work. Why?" You lower your eyes from the moon to look at Osamu. His shoulders relax and the corner of his lips curl into a smile. Your answer seems to clear his mood a bit. He drags out another puff and lowers the cigarette in between his fingers.

"I've always seen us as coworkers first before best friends. But hearing your answer, it makes much more sense." The cigarette ash slowly drips onto the ground while the two sit in silence. 

"Is there a reason why these titles bother you Osamu?" 

"Yeah, I guess there is." Osamu turns his head to look at your face. You grow anxious to hear his answer but he doesn't explain himself further than that. 

"You like me, don't you Osamu?" You speak hesitantly. There's no other answer you can possibly think of for his behavior.

The long silence he had when Sakusa asked him makes it very clear that Osamu may have some kind of feeling for you. 

"Did you make up a lie in front of Sakusa? If so, it's just the two of us right now. You can speak freely. But, if I'm wrong...sorry for assuming something so stupid." You cut yourself off from rambling. 

Now you're the one that needs a cigarette. You can't believe you blurted something out like that. You clench your hands on your dress, antsy by the silence. Osamu hesitantly pokes a finger on your forehead to get your attention. You raise your eyes from your lap to look at his gentle smile. "Yeah, I like you Y/N. But I've accepted that this may end up being one sided." Osamu lowers his finger from your forehead. Your breath hitches and you can only stare at Osamu in response. "I don't want things to be weird between us, so let's keep it professional when we're at work." 

"You can't just say things like that Osamu. You know things will be weird now." Your brows knit together and you retort back. "And what do you mean by professional? Do you want me to keep to myself like I did in the beginning? Weren't you the one who wanted me to open up to you?" 

Osamu processes Y/N's words and he seems just as confused as she is. "All I'm saying is." He bites his inner cheek. He didn't exactly know what he is saying to begin with. 

You exhale and sit up. "Tell me when you actually get your thoughts together Osamu. I'll see you at work Monday." You take his suit jacket off and gently drape it over his broad shoulders. 

Osamu didn't have the courage to watch Y/N walk away. He brings the cigarette back to his lips, inhaling sharply to drag out the smoke. His fingers ruffle his gray hair and he clicks his tongue with irritation. 

Atsumu pulls his face away from the person he's kissing and notices Y/N hurrying away. He raises an eyebrow when he notices Osamu sitting on a swing across from the apartment.

_Did the two get into an argument?_

The thought of Y/N walking herself home sends a red alarm in Atsumu's fuzzy mind. But he's unable to stop her when his lips are collided again. The door beside him opens and a drunk Komori wobbles out. "Just one more drink!" Komori whines to Sakusa who's holding the drunken brown haired guy. 

"God, you reek of alcohol..." Sakusa scrunches his nose when he smells Komori's breath. Atsumu pulls away for a breath of air. He calls out to Sakusa the moment he sees him. 

"Omi-kun, can you escort Y/N home? She ran off on her own." Atsumu's words slur. Sakusa stares at Komori and eyes the dark streets past the apartment complex. His thoughts begin to worry about Y/L/N being alone in the middle of the night in Tokyo during Halloween.

_Why did she run off on her own?_

"Can you get yourself home Motoya?" Sakusa looks over to his drunken friend who raises a thumbs up. Unsure if he believes Komori, Sakusa drags Komori towards the front of the apartment complex and hails him a taxi. He helps Komori inside and informs the taxi driver the address. 

After seeing Komori off, Sakusa hurries to grab his cellphone out of his pants pocket. He scrolls through his contacts and taps onto Y/L/N's number. Raising the phone to his ear, he mentally prays she'll pick up. Sakusa starts to make his way through the busy foot traffic in hopes he'll find Y/L/N.


	11. The first step

Sakusa grows anxious after every ring of the call. His eyes dart around the crowded streets. He's unable to avoid the constant brushing of others while he moves through the crowd. He ignores the disgusting feeling that creeps over him from every shoulder brush he makes contact with. Pulling his cloak closer around him, he forces his way through to an opening. 

He feels his phone vibrate in his hands and the caller ID flashes Y/L/N's name. Sakusa sighs a breath of relief when he raises the phone to his ear. 

"Did you call me Sakusa?" Her soft voice eases his nerves and he slumps his shoulders. "Where are you right now Y/L/N?" He tries to keep his voice calm but it comes out shaky. She grows quiet on the other end. "Um..." She lightheartedly giggles. "I actually have no idea. I sort of just ran away because I was angry at Osamu." 

_What were the two arguing about?_

Sakusa walks down a street that's less populated. He leans against a wall and calms his heartrate. He hears the busy street noises on Y/L/N's end.

You quietly walk around to look for a landmark to tell Sakusa. Sighing when you spot the onigiri shop not too far from you. You must've naturally found your way here without intending to. "I'm at Osamu's onigiri shop."

Sakusa can imagine the frown on her face when she murmurs this. 

"I'll be right there." Sakusa leans off the wall and eyes his surroundings. From where he's currently at, the onigiri shop should be five minutes away. Thankfully he caught up to Y/L/N earlier. 

"Wait, you called me because you're looking for me? What about Komori?" You press the phone closer to your ear, sitting down on the steps of the shop. You turn your head slightly to see the Halloween decorations glow inside the shop. "I sent him off in a taxi. He's too drunk to be walking around with me." Sakusa quickens his footsteps. 

A faint smile etches on your face. "I'm glad he had a good night at least." Exhaling, you lower your eyes to the dress on your body. The coldness seeps through the thin fabric and you're reminded of how cold it is again. "Atsumu too." Sakusa comments. He shivers at the thought when he recalls Atsumu with two girls in skimpy costumes. Sakusa faintly hears Y/L/N's giggle and a silence then follows after. 

Now that you're not running away fuming with anger, your mind settles and you're able to think clearly about the situation between you and Osamu. Sakusa remains on the call despite neither of you talking. 

Pulling your knees close, you hide your face in them. Osamu likes you but he's accepting the fact that it will be one sided. He wants the two of you to remain professional at work.

_But wouldn't that just make things more awkward?_

You can imagine your friendship slowly being pulled apart.

You start to regret mentioning anything about his feelings towards you. But you couldn't play ignorance to his emotions that are developing. Maybe things would've turned out like this no matter what you say or do.

_Are there friendships that survive after an awkward situation like this?_

You didn't really have anyone to ask. Closing your eyes, a frown etches onto your face. 

Sakusa faintly hears the trembling breath Y/L/N inhales. He lowers his phone when he sees her curled up. Quietly, Sakusa walks over to sit next to Y/L/N on the steps. He eyes the goosebumps that litter her arm and raises his cloak to drape over her. 

The cold air is cut off and you feel a presence sitting close to you. You raise your head up slowly to see Sakusa. He wears an expressionless face when he hangs up the call. Your body tenses up slightly with your closeness. Your arm brushes slightly against him. Sakusa starts to realize how close the two are but he tries to muster through it. He could feel her warmth radiating through his dress shirt. 

"T-Thanks for coming to get me Sakusa." You nervously speak up, wrapping your arms around yourself to avoid brushing up against him. The smell of vanilla and spices intoxicates your nose and you can only assume that scent is from him. You're surprised by the slight sweetness of his cologne. You expected something more woody and masculine. 

"Did something happen between you and Osamu?" Sakusa's voice sounds much louder than you're used to. It sends a chill down your spine and you're having trouble focusing. "Yeah." You curtly respond. Biting your inner cheek, you lower your head. 

Sakusa holds a gentle gaze on Y/L/N. She looks troubled.

_What can he say to cheer her up?_

_If he were Osamu right now, what would he do?_

Most likely he'd apologize to Y/L/N for whatever he did. He'd probably timidly hug her or hold her hand. But Sakusa didn't have the confidence to do that nor the right to. Osamu's friendship with Y/L/N is much more intimate than the one Sakusa shares with Y/L/N. 

Sakusa hides his hands in his pockets. "I'm here if you want to talk. I can also escort you home if you'd like. You'll freeze to death out here." 

"Going home sounds nice right about now." You murmur softly to Sakusa. Sakusa nods his head and slowly gets up. He starts to grow nervous when he thinks about extending his hand to Y/L/N to hold. 

You're about to get up when you see Sakusa's trembling hand extend in front of you. Surprised, you look up to see his face. His lips press into a fine line and his eyes waver slightly. He's too shy to ask you verbally to take his hand but you can assume what he's asking for. 

You can't recall the last time you've held anyone's hand. You felt too anxious with Osamu and only mustered the strength to hold onto his pinky. But you didn't want Sakusa to feel embarrassed for offering his hand to you. 

"I...guess this is the first challenge for us, right?" You smile at Sakusa to ease your nerves and hopefully his. Timidly, you reach for his hand and just the gentle brush of your fingers against his makes the both of you pull back. You giggle at the result. It's like the two of you are children who are afraid of cooties. 

Which in a way, Sakusa is. Your reasoning is a bit different.

"W-Wait." Sakusa stammers out. He wipes his hand against his pants. "My hand is a bit sweaty, sorry. I didn't want you to feel that." He makes up an excuse and nervously extends his hand again. 

"Should I wipe my hand too then?" You play along, wiping your hand lightly on the dress. Sakusa eases up a bit when he notices that he's not the only one that's nervous. It's not like the two of you are holding hands for a long duration. You carefully place your hand on top of Sakusa's large one. He gently grips onto your hand and helps you up. The moment you stand up, the two of you hastily pull your hands away. 

You release the breath you hold and wrap your arms around your waist. The fluttering feeling in your heart makes you shy. Sakusa returns his hands into his pockets and quietly leads the way. Neither of you speak up until you arrive in front of your apartment, twenty minutes later. 

You turn around to look at Sakusa before entering your apartment. "Thank you for walking me home Sakusa." He nods his head, averting his eyes to the side. "You should head upstairs to see if Komori made it home safely." When you mention Komori, Sakusa straightens up. He had completely forgotten about Komori. "Right, I completely forgot about him. Get some rest Y/L/N." Sakusa hurries off to the staircase and he disappears from your sight. 

A soft giggle escapes from you and you rummage your purse for the apartment key. "I'm home." You whisper to no one when you step inside and take your heels off. Making your way to the bathroom, you grab a change of clothes. After changing into something more comfortable, you open your screen door to take a smoke before heading to bed with your heavy thoughts. 

_Osamu._

You wonder what he's thinking right now. 

You fail to flicker your lighter on and heave out a deep sigh. The flame finally remains still and you hover it over the cigarette that rests between your lips. You clear your mind when you stare out into the darkness that stretches around you. Your eyes lower to your hand and you focus on the event that happened earlier. 

Sakusa surprised you when he offered his hand to you. You didn't expect him to do something like that. You did suggest the idea for the two of you to help each other but it surprised you how quickly he is willing to work on the issue. 

The screen door opens from the floor above you. You hold in a breath when you hear it close and glance up. Sakusa walks over to the railing of the balcony and looks down. He sees Y/L/N's eyes meet him and a cigarette sitting between her lips. Seeing her like this makes him smile slightly. For a split second he thinks that she's more beautiful like this. In her comfortable clothes and a cigarette in her lips. "I figured you'd be out here." Sakusa whispers into the silent night. 

Feeling shy, you lower your eyes. The smoke flies out between your lips. "How's Komori?" You muster up a sentence. 

"He's sleeping like a baby in the living room. I tried to get him to go in his bedroom but he was putting up a fight." Sakusa sighs at the thought. The smell of Y/L/N's cigarette floats up towards his balcony. Whatever her and Osamu argued about must still weigh heavily on her mind. "Will you be able to sleep tonight?" 

Raising your eyebrows, you're thrown off from Sakusa's question. "Probably not." You answer him honestly. He stares down to look at Y/L/N. He wonders what kind of expression she's making right now. The only thing he can see is the top of her head. "I'm here to listen if you're willing to talk." Sakusa's low voice warms your troubling thoughts. "That's what friends are for, right?" 

The corner of your lips curl when you hear him personally say that you're his friend. You also feel more at ease speaking to him like this. You didn't have to hide your expressions or grow nervous by his closeness. "Thank you Sakusa." Dragging out another smoke, you pull the cigarette away from your lips. 

You inhale sharply and speak slowly. "Osamu likes me." 

Sakusa widens his eyes in surprise. 

"But he doesn't want things to be weird between us so he wants things to remain professional during work. It just sounds so stiff to me. Why would you tell me you like me but also tell me to not acknowledge it? He knows it's one sided and I'm sure he's doing this to save himself from the pain but this only puts me in a difficult position. I don't like running around in circles like this. We're not teenagers anymore. We're adults. Love isn't something we can loosely experience one week and throw out the next. It's something serious and should be handled with care the older we get." You release your pent up thoughts in a ramble. 

"I only wish Osamu would clearly sort out his thoughts before telling me. But I guess it's my fault for putting him on the spot. I'm also to blame for his half hearted answers." Your brows furrow together. Raising the cigarette back to your lips, you take another puff. 

Sakusa remains quiet when he listens to Y/L/N. Love isn't something he's really experienced in but he can understand where the two are coming from. Osamu mentioned earlier that he wants to focus on his career over love. But deep down, Osamu craved love. Y/L/N on the other hand may have trust issues with others. From her past trauma, love is something she might not crave. Osamu's placed himself in a losing battle but he understands that. 

"I'm sure Osamu will know the right words to tell you when you see him next time." Sakusa speaks up after hearing Y/L/N go silent. "Take this moment to also tell him where you stand too. He's not a mind reader so he can't possibly know what's going through your mind." 

"You're right." You nod your head to Sakusa. "Thanks for listening to me Sakusa." Putting your cigarette out in the ash tray, you glance up to look at him. "Sorry for making you stand out here in the cold to listen to me." 

He shakes his head, running his fingers through his wavy black hair. "It's alright. I don't mind being out here if it keeps you company." 

You feel your heart flutter from his words. Your cheeks tinge a soft pink. "You really do know the right things to tell me Sakusa. I think I can get some sleep now." A delicate smile plasters on your face. Sakusa feels his chest tighten from such an innocent smile. He's never seen that kind of smile from Y/L/N before. 

She raises a hand up to wave goodbye. "You should head back in Sakusa. Good night." He watches her leave and stares down at his hand. He remembers the way her palm rests in his. The pounding of his heart that rang in his ear when he felt her skin overwhelmed him. But despite feeling anxious, her warmth felt nice against his coolness. 


	12. Let's talk, Osamu

You wake up earlier than usual to make onigiri before setting out to see Osamu first thing Sunday morning. A new confidence showers you after your conversation with Sakusa last night. You stopped by the nearest convenience store to pick up a few things before you set out of the house again. With your hands full, you lock the door behind you and quietly make your way up to the staircase to Sakusa's apartment. 

You hang the convenience store bag on the doorknob with a note attached to the bag. To thank Sakusa for the conversation last night, you made him some pickled plum onigiris. You also made tuna mayo filled ones for Komori. Unsure what Komori liked, you play it safe and made one of the popular fillings from the shop. A hangover drink is also in the bag for him. 

You then hurry over to Osamu's, hoping to not stumble upon any party goers who never made it home when you get there. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

The closer you get to Osamu's apartment is when your confidence starts to dwindle. You clench your hand tightly on the bag filled with onigiri and randomly strange snacks. You stop in your tracks when you see his door open. Osamu sees a girl out of the apartment, several lipstick marks on his face. You do a double take to make sure you're seeing him correctly. 

His hair is definitely gray and not blonde like Atsumu's. 

"Thanks for last night Osamu. I'll be off now!" The girl giggles before brushing past you. She excuses herself and pulls her coat closer to her body. 

Osamu meets your eyes and stiffens when he sees you there. You feel conflicted with your emotions.

_Are you angry or sad?_

Not wanting to jump to conclusions, you remain neutral. Whatever Osamu got up to last night didn't concern you. You came here to state your thoughts, not to cause another argument. "Looks like you had fun last night." A smirk forms on your face while you run your fingers through your hair, ruffling it slightly. Osamu straightens up and gulps. He rubs his eyes to make sure he's not dreaming. 

You push the bag towards his chest which he takes from you. "What's this?" Osamu groggily speaks up. He opens the bag and sees the handmade onigiris and snacks. Guilt washes over him when he returns his eyes to you. "I probably should've bought some makeup wipes too." You murmur, eyeing the lipstick marks all over his face and neck. Exhaling, you slide your hands into your jean pockets. "Can I come inside or is there more surprises in there?" 

Osamu quietly steps to the side to let you in. You cautiously walk inside to see the mess of last nights party. It reeks of alcohol and weed. Scrunching your nose, you gaze at the mess. You mentally take note to not invite these two to a party if you ever were to have one at your place. 

"Where's Atsumu?" You turn around to watch Osamu lock the front door. "He's still asleep." Osamu answers you with a hushed murmur. "I thought you said we'll see each other Monday? What brings you here Y/N?" 

You walk over to his kitchen, opening the cabinets and drawers to find a trash bag. You find a box of trash bags in the bottom drawer and grab a few of them out. "To finish the conversation from last night. I ran away so..." Your words fall short while you quietly pick up the stray plastic cups on the island table. Osamu lowers the bag in his hand on the coffee table by the living room. 

"You don't have to clean up this mess. Atsumu and I will deal with it when he gets up." Osamu walks over to you, grabbing one end of the trash bag. Your steely eyes dart over to him and he feels a coldness trickle down his spine. He releases his hold on the bag. "You should go freshen up Osamu. I can't look at you right now." 

Osamu is taken aback from Y/N's stern tone but he doesn't retort back. If he were the one in her shoes, he'd be in a much more foul mood. Lowering his head, he quietly leaves Y/N's side to wash up. You exhale when Osamu is away. Biting your bottom lip, you clench tightly onto the trash bag. 

Even if you didn't have any emotional feelings for Osamu, seeing him like that frustrated you. You never perceived Osamu as the type to loosely be intimate with others. Seeing this side of him makes you feel uncomfortable. 

Shaking the thought out of your mind, you continue to clean up by yourself. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Osamu looks at himself in the mirror after grabbing his clothes from the bedroom. He groans when he sees the several lipstick marks against his face. He tilts his head to the side to see more marks against his neck. He hardly remembers anything from last night after Y/N ran from him.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he grunts under his breath. Y/N is most likely judging him right now. He wishes she didn't see him like this.

**But the damage is done.**

He walks over to the shower and turns the water on. Osamu grows nervous about facing Y/N after he leaves this bathroom. While he distracted his thoughts with temporary lust, Y/N spent the night thinking seriously about their situation. His teeth clenches together at how stupidly he responded last night. 

Unable to turn back time, Osamu strips out of his clothes and drains his thoughts in the shower.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Osamu idles a bit by the hallway. He's not one to feel so nervous to talk to Y/N-- **ever**. The faint rustling of the trash bag makes him tense up. Taking a deep breath, Osamu steps out of the hallway and spots Y/N scrunching her face by the dining room. 

"What the hell is in this cup..." You shiver in response from the smell. Lowering the trash bag down, you walk over to the sink to pour the weird concoction down the drain. Osamu walks over to the trash bag and picks it up. You startle from his appearance. "Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen." Osamu murmurs over to you. Nodding your head, you drop the plastic cup into the trash bag that he holds out for you. "Did you want to eat before we finish cleaning?"

"We?" Osamu raises his eyebrows. "Don't want me around?" You wear a small smile. "No, I didn't mean it like that." Osamu nibbles his bottom lip, averting his eyes down.

"I'm just giving you a hard time Osamu. I'll leave after our conversation." You grab the bag off of the coffee table and take the items out, laying them on the island table. Osamu takes a seat in one of the bar stools while you wash your hands before standing across from him. He picks up a random onigiri and quietly unwraps it from the plastic. 

You smirk when you realize he's taken the one filling he's the least interested about-- pickled plum. He grimaces when he bites into it and you softly giggle. "What are the odds you pick the one I threw in as a joke." Osamu forces the bite he's taken down his throat. 

"I don't see how Sakusa likes these so much...I need more flavor than this." Osamu raises the onigiri closer to his mouth but you stop him. You place the onigiri you picked towards his slightly parted lips. His eyes widen for a second. "Eat this one. Give me that onigiri instead." You extend your other hand out for the pickled plum onigiri. Osamu does as he's told and places the one in his hand in your palm. He then takes hold of the other one, biting it. 

The two of you avert your eyes after the exchange. "So...I'm guessing you didn't get your thoughts together last night?" 

Osamu bites his tongue after hearing your question, he mentally hisses out. You raise your eyes towards Osamu and he wears a guilty expression. An awkward silence fills the conversation and you clear your throat. "Did you have fun at least?" You wear a small smile. 

"I honestly can't remember anything after you left last night." Osamu takes another bite of the onigiri, his tone soft. "Let's hope you used a condom at least." Making a small joke, you sigh quietly. Osamu scoffs at your joke and the mood lightens a bit. 

"Anyway, Sakusa helped me sort my thoughts out last night. I was really flustered by the way you handled things last night but I'm to blame too. So I'm sorry for putting you on the spot." You eye the pickled plum in the center of the onigiri. "I don't want things to be weird between us. I like what we have together. As coworkers and as best friends. But I know things will shift slightly because my feelings aren't the same as yours." Biting your bottom lip, you're unsure where to go from there. 

"I don't want to give you false hope and tell you that maybe my heart will flutter for you. And I want to be selfish and remain friends. But, if it's too much on your end...I'll do as you say and revert back to how things were before we became close." After saying your piece, you hesitantly look over to Osamu. You're not sure what expression he'll make but a smile is not one that you thought you'd see. 

Osamu's exhale staggers when he gazes lovingly towards Y/N. His slender fingers runs through his damp hair. "I'm really a fool." 

Confused, you raise an eyebrow. 

"Despite you rejecting me in the most mature way I've ever been rejected in-- my heart doesn't seem to get the point and it beats for you anyway." Osamu lowers his eyes, a small smile plasters his pained face. "I don't want you to act differently around me just because of my feelings. I knew from the very beginning that I'm in a losing battle. But I want to give into my emotions and experience everything that comes along with this one sided love." 

Osamu's words struck your heart. Your brows furrow together and you feel the tears prickle the corner of your eyes. "You really are a fool Osamu. Who willingly wants to get hurt?" 

"Me, apparently." A low chuckle erupts from his throat.

Atsumu covers his mouth in shock after listening to the entire conversation from the hallway. His head throbs painfully from the hangover but it's momentarily numb from the conversation he's eavesdropped in. 

"That stupid brother of mine." Atsumu mutters to himself. 

The two grow quiet after Osamu's last sentence. He changes the topic over to Sakusa. "So, you spent the night with Sakusa?" 

"Can you not word it like that..." Your cheeks turn a shade pink. Osamu chuckles to himself and apologizes. "He walked me home last night and listened to me rant about you." 

"That's it?" Osamu raises an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. 

Pressing your lips together in a fine line, you look at Osamu expectantly. "What else did you want us to do? Fool around like you did last night?" Your words cause Osamu to choke on the second onigiri. "Serves you right." You giggle before grabbing a glass of water for him.


	13. I'd like to get to know you better

Sakusa puts on his long burgundy coat over his dark gray turtleneck sweater before stepping outside. Komori complained about how much his head is hurting and how he's starving to death. So, Sakusa decides to go out to get something for his needy friend. "I'll be back. Don't move from the sofa if you can." Sakusa calls out to Komori who's hiding his face with another pillow from the sofa. He twists the doorknob open and steps outside. Narrowing his eyes down, he sees a convenience store bag. 

He extends his hand down and grabs the bag, finding a note on the front of the bag.

_"Thank you for helping me last night Sakusa. Here's something for you and Komori._ 😄 _"_

Judging from the onigiri's in the bag, Sakusa can only assume these are from Y/L/N. He backtracks inside and closes the door. Komori feels a weight below his feet and removes the pillow from his face. "Did you already leave and come back?" Komori groggily asks when he sees Sakusa with a convenience store bag. "That was fast." 

"I didn't go anywhere. Y/L/N left this on our door." Sakusa pulls the items out and places them on the glass coffee table. "Here, sit up and drink this." 

Komori tiredly sits up and cuddles the pillow in his arm. He takes the hangover drink from Sakusa and twists the cap open before slowly drinking it. Sakusa takes note of the two different stickers that label which onigiri is his and Komori's. 

Komori reaches over for the one that says his name and smiles. "Did she make these herself? I wonder what filling is in this one." He hastily takes it out of the wrapping and chomps on it. A smile etches on his face when he happily eats the onigiri. "Tuna mayo! A classic."

"What did she fill yours with?" Komori eyes the onigiri in Sakusa's hand. Sakusa takes a bite and the corner of his lips curl slightly when he sees a pickled plum. Komori quietly snickers when he sees the faint smile on Sakusa's face. "I don't even know why I bothered asking. You should text her to thank her for these. She must've woken up early to make it." Komori turns to eye the clock that sits on the wall above the television. 

' 𝟙𝟘:𝟘𝟚 𝔸𝕄 '

After eating two more onigiri's, Komori returns to laying down on the sofa. Sakusa cleans up the mess and takes his phone out of his coat pocket. 

Sakusa glances over to Komori who's fallen asleep. His thumbs quickly form a reply to Y/L/N.

He ponders to ask her how she's feeling. But the thought makes him nervous. His eyes glance down to his phone when he hears a faint text notification from her.

A faint smile grows on his face when he sees the adorable emoji Y/L/N's used. 

Sakusa eyes their text messages. Even when they're not talking physically together, he's having trouble keeping the conversation going. But he didn't know what else to text her. Pursing his lips, he hangs his head low. His thumb types out several different possible conversation starters but each time he deletes the text.

Sakusa eyes the flood of text messages coming all at once from Atsumu. He grows suspicious from the ominous texts.

Sakusa sighs and glances over at Komori's sleeping face. He writes a message on the white board by the fridge and steps back out into the cold. If Atsumu is surprising him with another stupid outing, he's going to be furious.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa raises a hand over Atsumu's apartment door when he hears a high pitch squeal. He grows uncomfortable at the sound.

_What the hell is happening inside?_

"ATSUMU!" The voice sounds vaguely familiar to Sakusa. Curious, he moves his hand over to the doorbell. Thunderous footsteps hurry over to the door and the person Sakusa sees is Atsumu. His hair is a mess and he's still in the clothes that he wore yesterday. 

"FINALLY! Get in here! These two have been hell to me." Atsumu drags Sakusa inside by the arm. He closes the door behind him. 

_Two?_

Sakusa looks over to the living room and he sees Y/L/N hiding behind Osamu. Osamu scrunches his face as he uses the end of the broomstick to lift something out that's wedged between the sofa cushions. "Hell to you?! YOU'RE GIVING US HELL." Y/L/N shouts out. Osamu manages to pull out a thong from the cushions. 

"Weren't you sitting here most of the night before you made your way outside Atsumu?" Osamu looks just as petrified as Y/L/N. "How'd you manage to slide these off the girl without anyone else looking?" Atsumu flushes red and turns to hide from their piercing eyes. Sakusa turns to look at Atsumu, also displeased. "This is what you called me over for? I can't help you with this Atsumu." 

Y/L/N and Osamu notice Sakusa standing by the door. The two say hello to him. 

"What are you doing here Sakusa?" Osamu flings the thong towards his twin who jumps back in response. Sakusa wears a deadpan expression when he looks over to Atsumu. "Don't pull Sakusa into your mess Atsumu. Get over here and clean the living room." Y/L/N calls out to him. Atsumu sulks, clenching his hands into fists. 

"Since you're here anyway, do you want to help us clean?" Atsumu smirks when he looks up to Sakusa. "Don't listen to him Sakusa. You can leave if you want. Sorry for troubling you." Osamu clicks his tongue when he looks at Atsumu dragging his feet over to the living room. Sakusa turns his attention to Y/L/N, she smiles when they make eye contact. 

"I'm here already." Sakusa murmurs, his voice muffled by the face mask. He takes his coat off and hangs it on the coat stand that's beside the front door. 

You walk over to Sakusa and extend a pair of gloves for him to put on. "I didn't expect to see you here Sakusa." He takes the gloves from you and nods his head. "Same to you. I figured you were home." You glance over to Osamu who's bickering with Atsumu. "I woke up early to talk with Osamu. Thanks to you, I felt confident enough to tell him how I feel." You return your attention over to Sakusa with a smile. "I didn't do much." Sakusa speaks softly, his eyes gently resting on your face.

"You're too humble Sakusa." A faint laughter escapes from your lips. "While those two are cleaning the living room..." Your eyes dart around the apartment. The only places left that is untouched is their bedrooms. "Are we allowed in your bedrooms? Or will we find something we don't want to see." You eye Atsumu specifically. The two stop their bickering to answer you.

"You're free to go into mine." Osamu doesn't seem bothered by the idea but Atsumu however grows nervous. 

"D-DON'T GO IN MY ROOM." He yells out. The three of you eye Atsumu, unsurprised by his reaction. "I'll clean my own room after this!" He lifts up another cushion and yelps when he sees another piece of clothing. His hand busily throws it into the trash bag with Osamu sighing heavily. 

"Looks like we'll be cleaning Osamu's room then." You turn to look at Sakusa who nods his head. The two of you quietly walk down the hallway. You're unsure who's room is who's. Sakusa points to the room beside the bathroom. "That one is Osamu's room." Nodding your head, you turn the doorknob to push the door open. You gulp when you see how his blanket and bed sheets are tossed around. You recall the girl earlier this morning. Sakusa follows your line of sight and spots the bed. 

Either Osamu is a wild sleeper or something happened last night during the party. From the way Y/L/N looks, he can only assume the latter. She moves from the entrance of the room to step towards the middle. 

You pick up a few cans of soda off the floor while Sakusa walks over to a corner of Osamu's room to pick up some plastic cups. "I'm guessing the talk went well?" Sakusa manages to start the conversation while the two of you pick up the trash that's thrown around the room.

"Yeah." You smile when you speak up. "I told him how I didn't want to lead him on and how I selfishly want things to be the same. But if it's too much on his behalf, I'll willingly revert back to how things used to be." 

"How did he react?" Sakusa moves from the corner of the room to the dresser. You softly exhale and glance at Sakusa. He turns his eyes over to you, glancing down to the floor where you're picking up paper plates. "He's foolishly hurting himself by continuing this one sided feeling." Pursing your lips, your shoulders slump. "It makes me feel guilty. But, it's worse if I force myself to love him, right?" 

Sakusa stiffens when he sees the forlorn expression on Y/L/N. He lowers his eyes away from hers. "I'm not too experienced in this category so...take my words with a grain of salt. I personally think you should do what you think is right. Love is something both people should have for each other naturally." 

You quietly listen to Sakusa, nodding your head. "Sorry for putting my problems onto you Sakusa. I feel like this friendship is more of a therapy session with how much I'm pouring my problems out to you. Is there something you want to get off your chest? I'm here to listen to you too." 

You stand up and walk over to Sakusa to extend the trash bag over to him to place his trash inside. He parts his lips slightly but quickly closes them. Sakusa is in deep thought when he casts his eyes to the side. 

"What's your favorite food Y/L/N? Is there a reason why you don't attend university? Does it get lonely to live on your own? What made you start smoking? I worry for your health since you're young." Sakusa blurts out several questions. 

"I'd like to ask more but I don't want to overwhelm you. I'm genuinely curious to know more about you Y/L/N. The only thing I know is from what you've told me so far. Which is your trauma and that you're friends with the Miya twins. Also that you work at the onigiri shop. I don't really know much more than that." His black eyes slowly rest on your face and you feel a tightness in your chest. 

Your eyes waver when you look at him. Feeling shy, you bite your bottom lip and awkwardly giggle. "I guess I haven't really talked about the most common things like what I like and dislike. I'd like to know about you too Sakusa. If that's alright with you." The corner of your lips curl into a smile. "Do you want to stop at my place after this? We can order takeout and catch up." 

Unsure if that's too bold of you, you part your lips to shut the idea down. Sakusa interjects before you can. "Yeah. I'd like that." His eyes soften and you wonder if he's smiling behind his mask. 

"Alright." Your smile widens and the two of you quickly clean up the remainder of the trash around Osamu's room. 


	14. Indirect kiss x2

While Sakusa stops by his apartment to check on Komori, you quickly scan the apartment to see if you've left a mess anywhere. There's nothing out of place to your knowledge.

The ring of the doorbell startles you and you hurry over to open the door.

"He's still asleep." Sakusa speaks up. Nodding your head, you step to the side to let him in. He bows slightly before stepping in, taking his sneakers off at the front entrance. His eyes scan the apartment. He wouldn't be able to tell if anyone actually lived here with how bare it's been decorated. 

Noticing his scanning eyes, you shyly tuck your hair behind your ear. "It's pretty plain in here. I'm not really home a lot during the week so I didn't think I would need to decorate the apartment." 

There's a loneliness tinging the house when Sakusa lowers his eyes to Y/L/N. She purses her lips and casts her eyes to the living room. "Should we figure out what we're eating for lunch?" She takes her coat off and hangs it up on the coat hanger by the door. Sakusa does the same. He follows after Y/L/N to the sofa, the two sitting down. 

You take your phone out to scroll through the different restaurants available to do delivery. Sakusa nervously keeps to himself. Now that he's here, he's feeling stiff. The two haven't been alone like this before, let alone being in Y/L/N's apartment. An awkwardness grows between the two. 

"What are you in the mood for Sakusa? It's pretty cold so...should we get some ramen?" You stretch your arm out to show Sakusa your phone. Four photos of ramen are on your screen. 

"The tonkotsu ramen looks good." Sakusa points to the third ramen and you turn the phone back towards you. Smiling, you glance at Sakusa. "I was thinking the same thing. So two tonkotsu ramens." Your finger taps two orders and you complete the ordering process. "Looks like it will be here in roughly twenty minutes. Do you want something to drink while we wait?" You stand up to walk over to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. 

"Water, green tea, cola, or apple juice?" You call out to Sakusa while you stare at the bottled drinks. 

"Green tea is fine." 

You grab two bottles of green tea and rejoin him on the sofa. Sakusa takes the bottle from you and thanks you. Another silence drapes over the two of you and you're starting to feel bad for not holding a stable conversation. "Sorry, I'm sure this is making you feel as awkward as I am feeling." Sakusa lowers his head, staring at the green tea in his hands. 

"I-It's alright. I guess it doesn't help that the two of us are introverts." Nibbling your bottom lip, you place your bottle down on the coffee table. "I guess I should answer your questions you asked earlier."

Sakusa raises his head and looks at you hesitantly. He patiently waits for you to answer. Grabbing hold of one of the pillows, you place it on your lap to give you something to squeeze your nervousness out. "My favorite food is grilled mackerel and I didn't go to university because I didn't have a clear career path I wanted to go for." 

The next question is about living on your own. Of course you felt lonely but having to verbally admit that, makes it even more depressing to think about. "At first when I started to live on my own...the loneliness became overbearing. I was only 15 so I had to learn things on my own. Like how to cook, clean, and to manage my money. I kept myself busy so I wouldn't have to think about how lonely it was. Over the years I didn't think about how lonely I am until recently." 

Your hand gently squeezes the pillow. "I remembered how lonely I am once I gotten close to the twins. Being around others showed me how much more lively it is to be with someone. I went from having parents who'd greet me when I come home to complete silence." Your lips begin to tremble and you pull the pillow close to you. 

"Once I fell into the hole of loneliness again, I began to have nightmares and my anxiety grew. That's when I started to pick up smoking. I always had trouble swallowing pills and they're not something I want to carry around with me in public. The cigarette packets are more convenient. To be honest, I hope there comes a day where I wouldn't need to depend on drugs." A few tears trickle down your cheeks and you bury your face in the pillow. 

You also hope there will be a day where someone will welcome you home. Home is somewhere you should be comfortable to be in. But it's never had the same meaning since your traumatic experience. 

Sakusa grows guilty for making Y/L/N tear up. He watches her body tremble and he hears the soft gasps of air she inhales after each sob. He's unable to feel the slightest amount of pain she must bare on her shoulders. 

Despite how he was always alone in his own home, he still had a family that cared for him. They wouldn't be around often but they always came home at the end of the day. Even now, Komori is there for him when he returns back to the apartment. He had someone to talk to and to welcome him home. Y/L/N's loneliness surpasses his and it causes his chest to tighten. 

His thoughts run to the ideas of ' _What will Osamu do_ ' again. Sakusa shuts his thoughts out.

**He's not like Osamu. He's Sakusa.**

Sakusa is unsure when he began to compare himself to Osamu or even why he began to. Furrowing his brows together, he bites his inner cheek. 

He raises his trembling hand and extends it over to Y/L/N. The sound of his heartbeat pounds in his eardrums. Gently, Sakusa rests his hand on the top of Y/L/N's head. Mentally he tells himself to stroke her hair but this is all he can muster. He feels a warmth on the bottom of his palm and the softness of her hair. 

Tensing up, you feel Sakusa's hand on the top of your head. You slowly pull the pillow away from your face to look at him. With his face mask still on, you're unsure what kind of expression he's making. But you can only assume his lips may be trembling. You expect Sakusa to pull his hand back but he continues to rest it on you. 

"If you're ever feeling lonely...my door is open for you Y/L/N. I'm sure Komori wouldn't mind you coming by once in awhile. Even though things may be awkward between us, I'll come to your side and attempt to hold a conversation if it eases your mind." Sakusa lowers his head. His wavy bangs falls in front of his eyes. 

A soft giggle escapes from your lips and you wipe away the tears from your face. "I said I would listen to you but you're hear listening to me and my problems again." 

You feel Sakusa's hand pull away from your head. Sakusa purses his lips underneath his face mask. "I was alone a lot in my younger years. My siblings and parents weren't home a lot. But I was lucky enough to have Komori around. He introduced me to volleyball and I busied myself with practice." His black eyes soften when he looks at Y/L/N. "We're similar in that aspect. Instead of facing our loneliness head on...we busy ourselves to run away from the problem." 

"Y-Yeah..." You exhale in response, squeezing the pillow in your arms. The doorbell pulls the two of you away and Sakusa stands up to answer the door. He thanks the delivery driver and closes the door behind him. The smell of the ramen calms your shaky emotions. 

Sakusa takes out the two ramens from the bag. A smile forms on your lips when you lift off the lid of the ramen from the plastic container. You get up to grab two bowls, chopsticks, and spoons for the two of you. Both of you quietly pour the ramen into the bowls and insert the toppings in the ramen that were in another container.

Holding onto the spoon, you dip it into the ramen. "Sakusa." You call out to him, raising the spoon over to him. 

He raises an eyebrow, confused as he lowers his face mask. The two of them ordered the same ramen so the flavor should taste the same. He's unsure why Y/L/N is offering him to taste her broth. She grows shy when he continues to stare at her in confusion. 

"Can you taste the broth for me? I want to know if it tastes like yours." 

"Oh. Sure." Sakusa parts his lips to drink some of the broth from your spoon. Your face reddens when you watch him. He's doing an every day task like anyone else, but for some reason it makes you nervous. 

The corner of his lips curl slightly and he turns his attention over to you. "The broth is really smooth." Curious, you finish off the broth from the spoon. Sakusa widens his eyes from the sight.

_Did they share a spoon technically?_

"Indirect kiss." Sakusa mumbles out mindlessly. You choke when you hear what he's muttered out. Lowering the spoon down to the bowl, you quickly grab your green tea to drink. Sakusa averts his eyes away from you when he catches you looking at him with wide eyes. "I-Indirect kiss?" You cough out. 

"Isn't that what we just did? Atsumu says it a lot around you and Osamu. I just slipped up and said the same thing he does. I should lessen my time with him...before I say more embarrassing things." Sakusa scrunches his nose innocently. 

Feeling a blush creep onto your face, you also avert your eyes from Sakusa. "Did you want to try my broth?" Sakusa turns to look at you and you nervously turn your eyes back to him. "Are you sure? It's much more different when I taste it first before you Sakusa." 

Sakusa lowers his eyes to his spoon and ponders on the thought.

_She's right about that._

Her lips will be on his spoon first before his and he'll still be using the same spoon after that. This isn't a problem for Y/L/N but more of a hurdle for him. But he has to start somewhere if he wants to get over this phobia of his. Y/L/N is kind enough to be patient with him in this process. 

"I'm sure." Sakusa makes up his mind. He submerges the spoon in the broth again and raises it closer to Y/L/N. 

Seeing how Sakusa made up his mind, you're not willing to shut him down. You lean over to take a sip from his spoon. You're unsure if you liked his better because the experience of Sakusa feeding you enhanced the flavor. Shyly, you smile towards Sakusa. "Tastes just as good as mine." 

"Really?" Sakusa raises an eyebrow, taking a sip after you. Wanting to tease him, a smirk playfully forms on your face. "Indirect kiss #2." 

Sakusa coughs when he hears you and you can't help but laugh. For the first time you're witnessing his face redden like a cherry. You hand him the bottle of green tea that sits across from him, which he quickly takes. After collecting himself together, he eyes you. "You said that on purpose, didn't you Y/L/N?" 

You shrug your shoulders and raise the bowl of ramen close to you. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." Giggling, you avoid any further conversation by slurping on the noodles. Sakusa nibbles his bottom lip, still redden in the face. 

Even though he's embarrassed-- he feels genuinely happy. The awkward and serious atmosphere between the two formed into something lighthearted and playful. 


	15. Izakaya with the guys

"I was wondering what you were doing." Osamu opens the backdoor of the shop and spots you leaning on the wall with a cigarette between your lips. 

"We're closed so don't lecture me about the smell of cigarettes on my uniform." Exhaling, the smoke slips past your lips. 

"At least wear your jacket if you're going to be out here." Osamu finds another way to lecture you. He's about to close the door but idles a moment longer to look at you. You feel his eyes on you. You turn to look at him with a raised brow. "Do you have something else to lecture me about Osamu?" You wear a small smile. Leaning off the wall, you place the cigarette butt into the trash after making sure the light is completely out.

"You don't have anything planned today, do you?" Osamu opens the door for you, letting you inside. You're careful to not brush against him in the small hallway. "Not at all. Do we need to get more ingredients or something?" You grab your leather jacket out of the locker in the employee break room before walking towards the front of the shop. 

Osamu grabs his hoodie and pulls it over himself. He then grabs the shop keys out of his pocket and locks the shop up for the day. "The guys are hanging out at an izakaya. Do you want to come with me?" 

"The guys?" You tilt your head to the side, stopping yourself from putting your earbuds in. "Yeah. Atsumu, Sakusa, and Komori." Osamu stands in front of you, hands in his hoodie front pocket. "I noticed you've been a little distant since you came over last week after the Halloween party." He casts his eyes to the side, pursing his lips. "You then ran off with Sakusa too..." 

With a smile, you exhale under your breath. "I've been a bit lonely lately. Sorry if I was distancing myself from you Osamu." Relaxing your shoulders, you hold your eye contact with him. "So, where's this izakaya at?" 

Osamu is still focused on the fact that Y/N mentioned she felt lonely. She waves a hand over his face and he falters. "Sorry. Um, I think the izakaya they're at is about ten minutes from here." Nodding your head, you walk beside Osamu. He seems to be in deep thought while the two of you walk in comfortable silence. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

"Y/N!" Atsumu yells out your name the moment you and Osamu join the three at their booth. Osamu sits beside Atsumu to shield you from his tipsy twin. "How much did you drink already? I thought you guys just got here." Osamu shoves Atsumu closer to the wall. 

You greet Sakusa and Komori who sit across from you. "Seems like Atsumu lost a game against Sakusa's team today. He's probably trying to drown his emotions away." Komori chuckles while chewing on squid jerky. 

"We've only been here for twenty minutes and he's ordered three bottles of sake for himself." Sakusa speaks in a monotone voice. A waiter comes over with the orders the three placed earlier. A plate of dumplings, tempura, and fried chicken. He notices you and Osamu and asks for your drink order. 

You're about to answer him when Osamu speaks up first. "We'll have a pint of beer, each." The waiter nods his head and excuses himself to get the beers. Komori looks surprised towards Osamu and you. "You two must be close if you know her drink order Osamu." Osamu wears a shy smile, lowering his eyes to your face. "That's what you wanted right, Y/N?" He speaks softly. 

"Y-Yeah." 

"What about me Osamu? What's my drink order." Atsumu grabs hold of Osamu's sleeve, tugging it. "We were practically together since child birth. You have to know my order too." 

"Idiot. We were together even in the womb." Osamu clicks his tongue. "You order something different every time we're out, so I don't know your order."

Atsumu grumbles, knocking back the last bit of his third sake. Komori and Sakusa both are still on their first drinks. You're surprised to see Sakusa's drink of choice. "Whisky on the rocks?" You speak up to Sakusa who raises the glass, swirling it slightly. 

"Such a mature taste." Osamu is also surprised. Sakusa takes a sip from his glass, silently nodding his head. Komori on the other hand is drinking a sweet sake. He tries to cover the label from your curious eyes the moment he notices you look at him. "I didn't expect to see you here Y/L/N." Komori nervously laughs. 

"Komori, you don't need to hide your delicate taste in drinks from her. She's not going to laugh at you." Atsumu slurs his words as he reaches over for a dumpling. 

"I'm the last person to judge you Komori." You reassure him with a smile. 

"Honestly, she is. Y/N may not look it but she's a heavy drinker." Osamu snickers when he recalls all the times the two have gone drinking together. Your face heats up when he points that out to the others. Raising your chopsticks up, you grab a piece of chicken to stuff into his mouth. 

"Don't ruin their image of me Osamu." You hastily say. He smirks to himself when he sees your flustered reaction. Komori removes his hand away from his bottle and chuckles. "You're not a girly girl, are you Y/L/N?" Komori curiously asks you. 

You don't recall the last time you've dressed girly besides Halloween. You preferred to dress comfortably in an oversized shirt over a tank top. Your makeup style is usually simple for the most part. The most girly thing about you may be the times where you put more effort in your looks if you're up at a decent hour. 

You're also not afraid to get your hands dirty and you'd care less for items that may be labeled as 'girly'. But you aren't much of a tomboy either. You're lost in your thoughts with the confusion of what you'd classify yourself as.

**You are just you.**

"Y/N is the kind of girl that other girls grow worried over when she's around their boyfriends. She's the kind to hang out with the guys without any intention of love. Yet almost everyone likes her but they value their friendship more." Atsumu begins to ramble with his mouth full. 

The waiter returns with yours an Osamu's drink and you thank him. Having the conversation focus around you makes you nervous. Raising the glass to your lips, you gulp the beer down. Osamu widens his eyes and pulls the glass away from your lips. "You and Atsumu both don't know how to drink in moderation." The usual banter between Y/L/N and Osamu makes Sakusa feel some type of way. He quietly watches the two bicker with Atsumu laughing on the side. 

"Those two will make a good couple, wouldn't they Sakusa?" Komori speaks quietly beside Sakusa. He grabs a shrimp tempura and takes a bite.

_A good couple..._

The thought does cross Sakusa's mind. But Y/L/N didn't feel the same way as Osamu. 

"Are you not eating Sakusa?" Y/L/N calls out to him. Sakusa snaps out of his thoughts to look at her. The two seem to have stopped bickering and Osamu helps himself to another piece of fried chicken. 

You raise a dumpling over to him with a smile. "You should eat these before Atsumu eats them all." At that moment, Atsumu tries to grab the one from your chopsticks. Osamu raises his chopsticks up to stop Atsumu's. Komori helps himself to one of the dumplings while there's a moment of distraction. 

"You can have it Y/L/N." Sakusa glances at the dumpling and drifts his attention to you. "We can share it. Here, take the first bite." You extend the dumpling towards Sakusa again, expecting him to take the dumpling from your chopsticks. He nibbles his bottom lip, seemingly looking nervous now when you share eye contact. "Can you take the first bite?" You didn't expect to hear that from Sakusa and neither do the others. 

"Wait, did I hear him right? I'm a mess right now so I can't tell if I'm too tipsy or what." Atsumu lowers the chopsticks from his hand to rub his forehead. Osamu looks at Sakusa with widen eyes, his lips parting slightly. "Are you feeling alright Sakusa? When did you start wanting to eat after others?" Komori furrows his brows and with everyone's attention on him, Sakusa casts his eyes to the side. 

"H-Hey, it's not a big deal." You fumble out a response after taking a bite of the dumpling. "Sakusa is trying to overcome his phobia. So you should be encouraging him." You eye the other three. "Here, Sakusa." Extending your chopsticks towards him, Sakusa timidly looks at the dumpling. He gulps and clenches his hands into fists under the table. 

Everyone grows quiet as they anticipate Sakusa's next move. The scene looks very comedic to the other patrons in the restaurant. 

"Look how cute he is! He's getting so shy from his girlfriend feeding him." You overhear a group of girls loudly snickering from the table beside you. 

_GIRLFRIEND?_ _!_

Your arm droops slightly and the tip of your ears redden. Sakusa stiffens when he hears them as well. 

A hand stretches out to your chopsticks, turning them to the right. Osamu eats the dumpling from your chopsticks and you hear a faint squeal from the table of girls. Osamu looks a bit agitated when he eyes past you and towards the table of girls. 

_Did he also hear them?_

"Shit. Maybe we assumed wrong?" The girls avert their eyes away from Osamu. 

"Osamu! That wasn't for you." You try to look angry at him but you don't have the emotions to. He swallows the dumpling and speaks up. "We'll just order more dumplings." He raises his glass to his lips and slowly chugs the beer down. 

Atsumu and Komori slouch their shoulders after anticipating Sakusa's possible growth. "Ugh, I had my hopes high for nothing." Atsumu grumbles and waves the waiter over to place two orders of dumplings. Sakusa still feels embarrassed either way. He quietly sips his whiskey. 

Komori extends his chopsticks over to Sakusa with a half eaten dumpling. "Here Sakusa. Try two!" Komori tries to raise Sakusa's spirits up but Sakusa only shakes his head. 

"I wanted to eat the one from Y/L/N." He sounds like he's sulking when he replies. Komori turns his eyes to Y/L/N, a blush streaking his face. 

"Does it make a difference who you eat after?" Osamu asks Sakusa while placing his empty glass down on the wooden table. Sakusa flicks his eyes over to Osamu, a still expression on his face. "Yes." Sakusa curtly answers. "You wouldn't like it if someone else were to be Y/L/N's best friend, right?"

"W-Well." Osamu is taken back from the question. 

"I don't want anyone else to help me overcome my fear other than Y/L/N. So, don't eat my dumpling next time Osamu." Sakusa speaks lowly and an awkward atmosphere builds up. It seems like you're watching two kids fight over the same car toy. Not wanting any part of this conversation, you reach for a cigarette and your lighter. 

The sound of Y/N's lighter flickering catches their attention and they see the distant look in her eyes when she raises the cigarette to her lips. The two knowing full well that she only smokes when she's stressed out. 

"Two plates of dumplings!" The waiter clears the first plate away from the table to set down two new ones. Komori places a dumpling on Sakusa's and Osamu's plate. "There, you both have your own so let's not fight." 

Atsumu tries to liven up the mood and cries out to Komori. "Where's mine and Y/N's dumplings Komori?! Now you're being mean by feeding them first just because they're sulking." Sakusa and Osamu quietly eat the dumpling that Komori's given them. 

"It's alright. I'm not that hungry." You stop Komori from raising the dumpling over to you. He nods his head and gives the dumpling over to Atsumu who grins from ear to ear. Sakusa glances over to Y/L/N, wondering if him and Osamu possibly upset her with their behavior. 

Osamu apologizes to Sakusa and glances over to you. "Sorry. I brought you here to get your mind off things but I'm doing the opposite. I just felt a bit jealous that you're feeding Sakusa." He scrunches his nose, a blush tinging his cheeks. 

"Idiot." You mumble out. "If you want me to feed you, just tell me. I like it when you're upfront with me Osamu." You turn your head to the left to release a cloud of smoke from your lips. Lowering the cigarette from your lips, you set it down on an ash tray. With a small smile, you look at Osamu. "But I'll forgive you since you apologized to Sakusa." 

"Let's just all feed each other." Atsumu slurs out, he extends his chopsticks over to Sakusa but there's nothing between them. "Idiot. If you're going to feed someone, you shouldn't be the one eating the food before you give it to them." Osamu chuckles when he looks at his twin brother. Atsumu raises an eyebrow and looks at the end of his chopsticks.

"Shit. I could've sworn there was a piece of fried chicken there." Atsumu laughs to himself and the air lightens at the table. You giggle and shake your head at Atsumu. 

"I know you said you're not hungry, but the chicken from here is one of the best." Sakusa's voice meets your ears and you stare at the chicken at the end of his chopsticks. "Only Y/L/N can eat this piece." Sakusa adamantly states out before the same incident from earlier repeats. 

The others cover their lips in response with their hands. "It's all yours Y/N." Osamu smiles behind his hand. You purposely only bite half of it so Sakusa can redeem himself for the dumpling scene. You're pleasantly surprised by how juicy the meat is and more pleased from the crispy texture. 

Sakusa notices Y/L/N's happy expression and relaxes his shoulders. He looks down at his chopsticks and carefully raises the piece into his mouth. He tastes the faint flavor of the smoke from Y/L/N's cigarette. Atsumu and Komori both applaud Sakusa after he takes his first bite. 

"Good job Sakusa! That's the first time you've ever shared your food." Komori smiles brightly when he looks at his best friend. Sakusa clears his throat and looks at Komori.

"It's the second time." 

"Second?" Komori widens his eyes and Sakusa trails his eyes over to Y/L/N. "The first time was at Y/L/N's house." Sakusa mutters under his breath. Atsumu and Osamu both misinterpret Sakusa's words. The two both wearing bewildered expressions. "What were you doing at her house?! EXPLAIN YOURSELF." Atsumu raises his voice and you grow embarrassed again. This is going to be a long night.


	16. Just a moment longer

"Let's have one more drink." Atsumu cries out while being slumped over with one arm over Osamu's shoulder.

"Shut up Atsumu, you're such a light weight." You hiccup between slurs. Sakusa and Komori walk on each of your side, their hands carefully outstretched to catch you incase you trip over your own two feet.

"Even though you dislike Atsumu; you two act very similar when you're drunk." Osamu chuckles when he looks at Y/N's flushed face.

"We probably shouldn't have let the two have a drinking game against each other." Komori stammers out. He wears a worried expression when he looks at Y/L/N's drunken state.

"I'll have to put her in your care Sakusa, Komori. Atsumu is already a handful." Osamu apologizes when the five part ways at a crosswalk. Sakusa hesitantly hovers his hand behind your back. You rest a hand to the side of your head and furrow your brows together. An unbearable throb pounds in your head. "Are you okay Y/L/N? Should we get a taxi instead?" Komori furrows his brows when he notices the grimace on your face.

"No, it's okay." You force yourself to answer Komori. The crosswalk flashes and you attempt to walk across but your body leans to the left. You feel yourself being pulled down by your weight. Sakusa catches Y/L/N without a second thought. "You're stubborn." He mutters. You hear the worry in Sakusa's tone but you're completely drained to retort back. "Komori can you help me with Y/L/N?"

Komori carefully stands you up while Sakusa squats down in front of you. "Hop on." Sakusa speaks sternly and you do as he says. Nervously, you wrap your arms around his neck while he lifts you up, holding onto the back of your legs. Sakusa's palm grows clammy and he starts to nervously sweat from the close body contact.

_Y/L/N's mind is too hazy to worry about the situation._

The smell of vanilla and spices fill your nose when you rest your cheek on the back of Sakusa. His warmth envelopes you. A sensation you didn't know you ached for until now. Your arms tighten around him and you bury your face into his back.

Sakusa inhales sharply from Y/L/N's actions and the goosebumps travel all across his pale complexion.

Komori smirks when he looks at Y/L/N. "Are you alright Sakusa? I can carry her for you." Sakusa quietly shakes his head. The three of them walk in silence to the apartment complex.

Every nerve in Sakusa's body is screaming and his heart rate is irregular. He's beyond his comfort zone. But he's willing to bear with these extreme feelings for Y/L/N.

"Thank you." Y/L/N lifts her head away from Sakusa's back, whispering by his ear. Her soft slurring words makes his ears redden. "All I do is trouble you with my problems. I'm sorry." Sakusa feels something wet seep through his shirt. She starts to quietly sniffle and it catches Komori's attention when the three turn the corner away from the busy streets. "I-Is she crying now?" Komori looks worried. Unsure what to do for her, the two quicken their pace to her apartment.

After climbing two flights of stairs, Sakusa asks Y/L/N to hand her keys to Komori. She fumbles to grab her keys out of her jacket. Komori takes it from her and unlocks the door. He hands it back to Y/L/N. "Make sure she gets in bed, Sakusa. I'm going to head upstairs to use the bathroom." Komori makes up a quick lie to leave the two alone.

Sakusa is no idiot when he catches onto what Komori is purposely doing. But he doesn't make a scene about it. Nodding his head, he watches Komori hurry upstairs.

Sakusa steps inside her dark apartment, squatting down to let her stand on her feet. "I'm home." She quietly whispers into the empty air. Sakusa tenses when he hears her soft voice.

_Does she do this every day?_

He notices the sadness in her voice as he straightens up.

"Welcome home Y/L/N." Sakusa lowers his face mask and speaks in a clear tone. Her eyes widen when she looks up to him.

Those three little words sends a sharp pain in your chest. The tears litter down your face and you wear a smile. You didn't care if your head throbs more from your crying.

**For once this week, you feel happy.**

"Let's get you to bed now. You're going to feel like shit in the morning." Sakusa glances over to the hallway. She slowly makes her way down the hallway and into her bedroom. Sakusa is hesitant to follow her into her bedroom. But he has to make sure she gets into bed properly.

You tiredly lay down on the bed, feeling your weight lighten against the softness of your bed.

"We should get your jacket and shoes off before you fall asleep Y/L/N." Sakusa nervously stands beside her bed. You faintly hear him and know you should take your jacket off but the call of sleep starts to pull you down.

Weakly, you start to take your jacket off but it's no use. Sakusa lightly chuckles when he sees Y/L/N fight with herself. Exhaling, he holds one end of the jacket to let Y/L/N pull her arm out. He does the same with the other. He then helps her take her shoes off.

You roll over once you feel your shoes are off your feet. "There's a spare key in my jacket pocket. Can you lock the door behind you Sakusa." You mutter out tiredly. He nods his head and reaches into her jacket pocket for the key. He then extends his arm out to lift the blanket over Y/L/N.

Feeling his hand brush against your blanket, you timidly grab onto his hand. The action startles him and he holds in his breath. You slowly bring his hand to your cheek, nuzzling into his palm.

"Thank you for bringing me home Sakusa." You stare at Sakusa in the darkness of your room. Your eyelids begin to heavy but your lips loosely speak the thoughts in your mind. "I started to realize how lonely I felt again after our conversation last week."

Sakusa softens his eyes when he sits down on the edge of Y/L/N's bed. His hand feels the warmth radiating from her cheek. Nervously he strokes her face.

"I got a bit depressed and made Osamu worry." Frowning, you sigh. "But feeling your warmth today makes me happy. I'm sure it's the alcohol in me that's numbing most of my anxiety and fear."

The corner your lips then curl into a smile. "But right now in this moment, I'm not afraid of being touched. I miss this feeling. A warmth from another person." Your words soften and the sound of your slow breathing meets Sakusa's ears. Sleep wraps itself around you.

He watches Y/L/N's sleeping face with gentle eyes. No matter how many times he's told her that he's here to listen and be by her side, Y/L/N stubbornly wants to keep her problems to herself. He hopes one day she'll listen to her own advice she told Osamu.

**To be clear with what she wants.**

Sakusa carefully strokes her face once more before standing up. He pulls his hand back and now it begins to tremble. Tonight's been a huge challenge for him. But he doesn't get the feeling of having to hurry and shower to rid of these germs from Y/L/N.

_In fact, he wants to be next to her a moment longer._

Sakusa startles himself with this thought. He bites his inner cheek and hurries out of her room. With her spare key in hand, he walks to the front and exits out of her apartment. Sakusa locks the door behind him and slides the key into his pocket. He then makes his way to his own apartment.


	17. I'm not leaving

_You feel like shit._

You're unsure how you managed to get up and walk to work this morning. You stopped by the convenience store before meeting up with Osamu to buy a hangover drink.

Guzzling it down, you still feel a pounding headache. Last night is a blur and all you can really remember is Sakusa helping you home.

Osamu emerges from the break room after taking his hoodie off. "I'm surprised you didn't call out today." Osamu speaks softly, mindful of your headache. Pursing your lips, you mentally groan. "And ruin my perfect attendance?"

"I'm glad you can still make jokes at a time like this." Osamu chuckles dryly. Exhaling softly, you grab a pair of plastic gloves to start your morning prep. A tap on the shop door pulls yours and Osamu's attention. 

_Who could it be at this hour in the morning?_

Osamu walks over to the front door and widens his eyes when he sees Sakusa. Unlocking the front door, he opens it for Sakusa. "What brings you here this morning Sakusa?" 

_Sakusa?_

His name grabs your attention and you lift your eyes away from the containers that you just pulled out of the fridge. Sakusa looks past Osamu and lowly speaks. "Y/L/N. I wanted to return her apartment key." Osamu tilts his head when he sees the key in Sakusa's hand.

You walk over to stand beside Osamu after taking your plastic gloves off. You notice a key in Sakusa's hand.

_Did you tell him about the spare key last night?_

Most likely you had to or else someone could just walk into your apartment while you were sleeping. 

The blank expression Sakusa wears for Osamu softens when he sees Y/L/N. Extending her palm out, Sakusa gently places her key onto her palm. You smile under your face mask, whispering a thank you. 

"You didn't need to come all the way here to give this to me Sakusa. I didn't even know I lent it to you last night." You place the key in your pocket. Osamu shakes his head when he listens to you. "Do you remember anything about last night after the restaurant?" He raises an eyebrow when he asks you. 

Your eyes shyly glance over to Sakusa. "I remember Sakusa bringing me home. But I can't remember anything after I laid down to sleep. I hope I wasn't too much trouble for you Sakusa." Sakusa shakes his head. 

"I'm sure Atsumu was much more troublesome to take care of." Sakusa turns his attention over to Osamu who wears an exhausted expression. "He threw up all night after I got him to stay in bed. I'm sure he'll be missing out in his classes today." 

Your eyes remain on Sakusa and you notice his paleness. He's behaving like normal but there seems to be something off. "Sakusa, are you feeling alright?" The two are taken aback from your question. Osamu eyes Sakusa more carefully and also notices the slight difference in his complexion. 

"Hey, did you get sick from last night? You look a bit pale Sakusa. I don't think you should be out right now. Let alone go to school today either." Osamu crosses his arms when he eyes Sakusa directly. Sakusa shakes his head, taking a step down from the steps to avoid the confrontation from the two. 

"I'm fine." He mutters through his face mask. Your eyebrows furrow and you wonder how Sakusa could've gotten sick from last night. But your throbbing headache stops you from thinking too hard. Your hand flies to the temple of your head and your face scrunches slightly. Osama glances at Y/N from the corner of his eye. He presses his lips together in a fine line. "You shouldn't be here either Y/N. As your boss, I'm sending you home." 

"Wait, what? It's just a headache Osa-" Your words fall short when you feel a warmness on your forehead. Osamu pokes your forehead, grabbing your attention. Your eyes focus on his glaring ones. "Go home and get some rest. I'll be fine by myself for today." A small smile forms on Osamu's face. 

"But." 

Osamu flicks Y/N's forehead and leaves her side to grab her jacket from the break room.

Releasing a groan, you rub your forehead. You turn your attention back to Sakusa who's placing a hand on his forehead.

_His forehead feels a bit hot._

Sakusa wonders if it had anything to do with last night when he was sweating profusely as he carried Y/L/N home. He did overexert his body by ignoring the signs of his anxiety. It seems like his body is catching up from the shock and in result, he winds up with a fever. 

Osamu gently pushes Y/L/N out of the shop after she puts her jacket on. She walks over to stand in front of Sakusa with a worried expression. 

"You have a fever, don't you Sakusa? It's probably my fault." Annoyed with yourself, you purse your lips together. "No, I'm fine." Sakusa blurts out. He didn't want Y/L/N to feel guilty. But there's no point when he sees her stubbornly shake her head. 

"Let's head back to the apartments together. You shouldn't be out right now. Osamu won't let me work today no matter what I say, so I guess I'll get some rest too." You run your fingers through your hair and exhale deeply. Walking ahead, you turn your head slightly to see if Sakusa is following along. 

He idles a bit before following behind you. His pace seems slow and heavy when you watch him. Afraid he'll pass out on you, you hurry over to his side. "I'm going to call for a cab. Let's wait right here." 

Sakusa shakes his head. The thought of a cab makes him nauseous. He doesn't want to feel cramped in a car. Who knows how often the cab driver sanitizes the seats. 

You frown when Sakusa declines the offer. But you know full well if he does pass out, you're much too weak to carry him home. 

You extend your arm out to him. "L-Link your arm with mine. I don't want you to fall on your face." Sakusa stares at Y/L/N in surprise. He's unsure if Y/L/N would even be able to hold him up if she tried. But he didn't want to decline her after she mustered up the courage to offer the suggestion to him. He sees a slight blush on her face that isn't hidden by her face mask. 

Sakusa feels his own face heat up when he links his left arm around her right one. She matches his pace when the two quietly head to the apartments together. "Is Komori home to watch after you?" Y/L/N speaks up from the silence. 

"He should be up in an hour for his morning classes." Sakusa answers her honestly. 

You glance to the side. You wonder if you should ask Sakusa if it's alright for you to come over to watch after him since you're the reason why he's unwell. "Will you be okay by yourself?" You look over to Sakusa. He seems to grow weaker the further you walk. His breathing sounds much heavier beside you. 

There's another fifteen minutes before you two arrive to the apartments and you start to question if you'll make it there in time before Sakusa passes out. 

"I'll be fine." Sakusa forces out an answer. He leans to the left a bit and you unlink your arms to hold the right side of his waist. "Sorry." You apologize for touching him while attempting to straighten him up. Your heart beats against your chest when you feel his warmth. His body feels as if it's on fire. Not talking anymore, you quicken your step to get Sakusa to his apartment. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa passes out the second Komori opens the apartment door. "Woah!" Komori catches Sakusa before his face meets the floor of the foyer. 

"I think Sakusa caught a fever from last night. We should get him to his bed." You excuse yourself when you step into their apartment, closing the door behind you and quickly taking your shoes off. Komori nods his head, carrying most of Sakusa's weight while the two of you walk down the hallway and towards Sakusa's room. 

Sakusa groans softly when he feels the bed beneath his back. Komori exhales under his breath, scratching the side of his head. "I'd hate to call my aunt right now to tell her that her son caught a fever..." 

_Aunt? Son?_

Raising an eyebrow, you glance at Komori. "Sakusa's mom is your aunt? That makes the two of you cousins, right?" You're surprised to find this new piece of information about Sakusa. You figured the two are best friends but they're in fact cousins who are best friends. 

Komori awkwardly laughs and nods his head. "I guess we never really told you, did we?"

"Don't call her. I don't want her coming here." Sakusa forces himself to sit up but Komori quickly walks over to stop him. He helps Sakusa out of his coat and slides his shoes off before forcing him to lay back down. 

Komori is put in a difficult spot and you decide to ask him if it's alright for you to stay behind. "If it's okay with the two of you, I can stay here with Sakusa until you're back from your morning classes Komori." Pressing your lips together, you look over to Sakusa who's brows are furrowed. The sweat on his forehead is more apparent than earlier. 

"Sakusa is in no shape to retort so I'm fine with it. Are you feeling okay yourself?" Komori forms a worried expression when he looks at you. "I just have a headache. You can leave Sakusa to me. It's my fault he's like this so...I'd feel guilty just leaving him like this." 

Komori nods his head and excuses himself to get ready for his morning classes. You glance down at Sakusa who slowly opens his eyes to look up at you. "I'll be okay Y/L/N. Osamu told you to rest too you know." 

Shaking your head, you roll the desk chair over to Sakusa's bed and sit down. "You made sure to take care of me last night. Let me return the favor." You stretch your hand timidly over to his face mask. "I'm taking this off, okay?" Sakusa doesn't have the strength to stop you so he lays there. 

You gulp when your finger brushes over his ear. Sakusa averts his eyes when he feels your touch and you whisper an apology after taking his face mask off. "Do you have any face towels in here? Or are they in the bathroom?" 

Sakusa weakly whispers the bathroom and you nod your head. "I'll be right back." You get up and walk out of his room. Komori emerges from the bathroom after getting himself dressed. "Did you need something Y/L/N?" 

"Can you show me where the face towels are?" 

Komori walks back into the bathroom while you wait outside. He grabs one of the many face towels that are folded away in a small closet in the bathroom. He soaks it for you and shows you the apartment very quickly incase you needed anything else while he is gone. You see Komori off after exchanging phone numbers and lock the front door behind him. 

Hurrying down the hallway, you walk back into Sakusa's bedroom. His chest heaves up and down slowly. You quietly sit back down in the chair and gently wipe the sweat off of his forehead before resting the towel there. "I'll be fine Y/L/N..." Sakusa murmurs.

"Don't be stubborn Sakusa." You remember the ibuprofen pills Komori showed you in the bathroom and decide to get them for Sakusa to take before he falls asleep. "I'm going to get the ibuprofen for you to take." 

Sakusa wears a lop sided smile when he hears Y/L/N call him stubborn. "Funny how I was the one to call you stubborn last night." 

"You did?" You stand up from your seat, glancing at Sakusa. He nods his head slowly. "You were adamant about walking yourself home, yet you couldn't even walk straight." He dryly chuckles and the low rumble of his laughter makes your cheeks heat up. 

"W-Well. You're the one who's stubborn now. I'll get some rest once Komori is here to watch after you." You leave the room again to get the ibuprofen and a glass of water. After returning back to his room, you set the items down on the night stand. 

"Can you sit up Sakusa? Or should I help?" You watch Sakusa slowly sit himself up and you catch the towel that falls off of his forehead. He slowly flutters his eyes open and takes the glass of water from your hand. He then grabs the bottle of ibuprofen and grabs two pills out and swallows them down with the water. 

His body shivers and you urge him to lay back down. "Are you cold now?" 

Sakusa nods his head, a groan escaping from his lips. "I was just burning up a moment ago. God I hate being sick." Seeing Sakusa speak so casually and loosely makes you happy. Before then, the two of you couldn't hold a stable conversation. He didn't voice his opinions that much either back then.

You lift the blanket over him and he nuzzles into it. You carefully place the back of your hand on his forehead.

_He's still burning up._

Hopefully taking the ibuprofen will help him while he sleeps. You gently place the towel back on his forehead. A sigh escapes your lips and you frown. 

"Are you frowning Y/L/N?" Sakusa says between dragged out breaths. 

"N-No." You lie. Sakusa quietly snickers, his eyes slowly opening to look at you. "You're a bad liar." Feeling embarrassed, you cast your eyes to the side, tucking a few stray hairs behind your ear. "I'm sure I'll be fine after I get some sleep. You can go back to your apartment now." 

"But." You purse your lips. "I don't want you to be alone Sakusa." You speak your thoughts aloud in a soft whisper. "It's depressing when there's no one to take care of you when you're weak." 

Sakusa picks up on Y/L/N's lonely words. He's never put much thought about it. The thought of Y/L/N getting sick and having no one to be by her side. She must've felt so sad and didn't want him to feel the same way.

_How did she manage during those times when she did get sick?_

Feeling a bit guilty for taking her kindness for granted, Sakusa gives in. "Okay." He musters a response. You perk up when you hear Sakusa, a smile on your face. He closes his eyes again when he feels his exhaustion max out. Sleep lures him in and he doesn't put up a fight. 


	18. Soft emotions

You left Sakusa's side once you made sure he's completely asleep. You decided to make some congee for him to eat when he gets up. Your mom would make this for you whenever you got sick as a young child.

Thankfully you had all the ingredients you need at your place. Two hours later, the congee is complete.

Pouring a small portion into a bowl, you grab plastic wrap to cover it. You don't know when Sakusa will wake up so you have to keep the congee warm by his nightstand.

You quietly walk back to his bedroom. He's still asleep when you place the bowl of congee and a spoon down. You swap out the towel on his forehead with a fresh one. Placing the older one to the side.

A yawn escapes from your lips and you feel exhaustion tug at you. The headache from this morning still lingers. You close your eyes to rest for a moment. But hearing Sakusa's soft sleeping breathing pulls you into a deep sleep. You lean forward to rest on the edge of the bed beside Sakusa.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

The sun looms high in the sky causing the rays to shine directly towards Sakusa's face. His brows furrow together and he raises his arm over his eyes. Slowly fluttering his eyes open, he stiffens when he sees the top of Y/L/N's head right beside him. He relaxes when he remembers the current situation. Y/L/N insisted to stay by his side while he had a fever earlier today. He eyes his room and notices a bowl sitting on his nightstand.

Raising a finger to the bowl, the temperature is still warm. That must mean Y/L/N didn't sleep for long. A smile tugs his lips from her kindness.

He lowers his eyes to the top of her head. An urge to stroke her hair pulls at him. He's once again surprised by his thoughts. It's unlike him to have these urges.

Sakusa presses his lips together in a fine line. He hesitantly lifts one hand towards her head, hovering. The rapidness of his heart is very clear. He bites his inner cheek, gently resting his hand on her head. His fingers begin to tremble when he slowly runs them through her silky hair. A soft gasp leaves his lips when he tries to contain his nervousness. She moves slightly from his touch which causes him to freeze up.

"Sakusa?" Y/L/N murmurs his name tiredly. Her eyes flutter open slowly and she tilts her head up to look at him.

You notice the shy expression on Sakusa's face when you tiredly look at him. You feel a weight on your head and see Sakusa's outstretched arm.

_The gentle motion you felt earlier, was it Sakusa stroking your head?_

The heat creeps up onto your face and you freeze in place. Sakusa slowly pulls his hand back to his side. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Shaking your head, you sit up with a small smile. "How do you feel?"

Sakusa slowly sits up, taking the towel off of his forehead. "Much better now." You feel relief from hearing his response. "I made you some congee incase you woke up hungry." You turn to the left to grab the bowl from the nightstand. Taking the plastic film off, you pick up the spoon and place it into the bowl.

The smell wafts over to Sakusa's nose. He didn't know how hungry he was until he smelled the congee. He anticipated Y/L/N to hand him the bowl but he's surprised when she raises a spoon towards his lips.

"Sorry if it's not the best congee you've ever eaten. I hope it's somewhat to your taste." You speak softly, unsure how Sakusa will react when he eats the congee.

He quietly sips the congee from the spoon. The corner of his lips curl into a small smile. "It tastes good Y/L/N."

You breath a sigh of relief when you hear his comment. "I could also feed myself. Thank you for making this." You hand the bowl and spoon to Sakusa, nodding your head. The conversation falls short while Sakusa quietly eats the congee. You are curious to ask Sakusa if he was stroking your hair, but you aren't sure if it's something you should ask.

Sakusa notices Y/L/N's troubled expression and points it out. "Something wrong?" He lowers his spoon to give her all of his attention.

You flick your eyes over to Sakusa, nibbling your bottom lip. "Were you stroking my hair earlier Sakusa?" You hesitantly ask him the question and his eyes widen briefly. Casting his black eyes to the side, his cheeks turn a rosy red. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that while you were asleep." He murmurs under his breath. You're quick to shake your head.

"N-No! There's nothing for you to be sorry for." Your voice is much louder than you anticipated. He flinches from your raised voice. Feeling embarrassed you force your eyes down to your lap. Clasping your hands together, you squeeze them. "I...didn't hate it." You squeak out. Sakusa relaxes his shoulders when he hears you speak. "Can you do it again?" You're too embarrassed to look at him directly after asking the question.

Sakusa's eyes wavers when he looks at Y/L/N's blushing face. She's too embarrassed to look at him directly and she's tightly gripping her hands together. The amount of courage she mustered up to ask him is probably just as much courage as it took him to stroke her hair earlier.

Gulping, Sakusa places the bowl back onto the nightstand. He extends his trembling hand towards her head. Inhaling sharply, he delicately runs his thin fingers through her hair. The action feels different when she's the one to ask him to do it.

A smile graces her lips.

"Is it weird I feel so happy from something like this?" You raise your eyes up to look at Sakusa, your face completely red. Sakusa mimics your redden face with one of his own. He strokes your hair a second longer before pulling his hand back to his side.

"It's...cute." Sakusa shyly replies back.

_Cute?_

The very thought of Sakusa thinking your cute makes your heart flutter. The two of you avert each other's eyes after feeling embarrassed and shy.

Before, the silence was from the lack of keeping up a conversation. But it seems like the silence now is created from how aware the two are about their soft emotions.


	19. A change in their friendship

You excused yourself after the awkward silence to use the bathroom. Staring in the mirror, you notice how red your face is. You turn on the faucet to splash water on your face to cool you off.

_Why are you reacting like this around Sakusa?_

You were shy before when you first met him but this is a different type of shyness.

Exhaling, you decide to take a smoke break on his balcony. You push the screen door to the side and close it behind you. Reaching for your back pocket, you take out the pack of cigarettes and your lighter. The cold air calms your burning body when you light the cigarette between your fingers.

You raise the cigarette to your lips and slowly inhale, releasing a cloud of smoke when you exhale. The view from Sakusa's balcony is much more elevated than the view you're used to. You lower your eyes down to your balcony.

"So this is what his point of view looks like." You whisper to yourself. You wonder if Sakusa ever spent time on his balcony before you two became friends. There must've been times where the two of you were outside at the same time. He must've been bothered by the scent of smoke back then.

You then start to wonder what he thought about the neighbor who smokes a lot. You grimace at the thought that you might've been disrespectful.

_Great. Now your mind is overthinking about other things._

You frustratingly run your hand through your hair, frowning over the past. Clicking your tongue, you drag out a cloud of smoke and lean over the railing of the balcony.

The faint sound of the screen door catches your attention. You then feel something drape over your shoulders. Your eyes narrow down on a cardigan before you turn around to see Sakusa. "I was wondering where you ran off to." He joins your side and glances forward.

"Should you be out here?" You worry over Sakusa and he turns his attention over to you. "I feel much better than this morning. I'll go back to rest if I feel horrible again." Sakusa points to your cigarette. "Something on your mind?" You grow small when Sakusa points at your cigarette. This is a topic you can't really bring up to him. He's the main reason for your scattered thoughts. Unsure what to say, you let silence be your answer.

Luckily, Komori enters the apartment. "I'm home!" He calls out from the foyer. The two of you walk over to the screen door, pushing it open to welcome him back.

"Welcome home." You smile when Komori meets your eyes. "There's congee in the pot over there if you're hungry." Sakusa and you both enter the apartment after you put out your cigarette.

"How are you feeling Sakusa?" Komori leaves his backpack by the sofa and walks over to the kitchen. He grabs a bowl and fills it with congee. "Much better." Sakusa sits down on a stool by the island table. Komori brightens when he hears Sakusa's response. He turns his eyes over to you when you sit in the stool next to Sakusa. "Thank you for watching over Sakusa, Y/L/N."

You form a smile and nod. "It's my fault he's sick. The least I can do is help him get better."

"You can leave him to me now. I'm sure you'd like some rest too." Komori scoops a spoonful of congee into his mouth. A yawn creeps up the moment he says that. You turn to look at Sakusa. "You'll be fine without me, right?"

Sakusa stalls to answer. Komori raises his eyes away from the congee to look at Sakusa's silence. He slowly nods his head. "Get some rest Y/L/N. Thank you for keeping me company." His eyes soften when he looks directly into your eyes.

"Anytime. I'm just one floor under you if you need anything." Smiling, you take off the cardigan and return it to him. "I'll be seeing the two of you later then." You say your goodbyes and grab your jacket off the back of the sofa.

"Is it just me or..." Komori stops short when he notices Sakusa's distant look in his eyes the moment Y/L/N leaves. "Have you grown attach to someone other than Atsumu and I?" A smirk playfully rests on Komori's face.

Sakusa huffs out at Komori's teasing. "Just eat your congee." He mutters out under his breath.

Sakusa stands up to go back to his room. He eyes the chair that sits beside his bed. An odd feeling washes over him.

**He misses her.**

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You whisper that you're home to the empty silence, kicking off your shoes. Now that you're not focused on Sakusa, exhaustion hits you. You lock the door behind you and make your way to your bedroom.

Taking off your jacket, you place it on the back of your desk chair. The sight of your bed calls to you. Too tired to change into something comfortable, you lift the blanket up to lay under it.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket the moment you feel your eyelids heavy.

The single text makes your heart flutter. A smile graces your face and you fall asleep with warm thoughts.


	20. Christmas plans

A few days have passed since the day Sakusa had a fever. The business at the onigiri shop seem to rise with Christmas next month. Many customers drop in before or after their shopping trip for a quick bite. Osamu's also gained a following after a video circulated on social media. 

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝑜𝓃𝒾𝑔𝒾𝓇𝒾.

You giggle at the adorable nickname when Osamu tells you about it. "If you're the prince, I guess I'm just one of your maids?" You playfully joke with him while you put away the ingredients for the day. The two of you are closing up the shop for the afternoon. 

"I wouldn't put you that low on the list." Osamu chuckles under his breath. He wipes his hands on a towel and walks to the front to flip the sign over. He notices a familiar tall figure wearing a troubled expression. Tilting his head, he opens the door to call out to the person.

"Sakusa? Something wrong?" Upon hearing Osamu's voice, Sakusa stiffens. He raises his eyes from the ground towards Osamu. Sakusa raises a hand up to say hi. "Did you want to come in? It's better than standing outside in the cold. Y/N and I are just closing up." Osamu beckons Sakusa to come inside. Not wanting to turn him down, Sakusa walks up the steps and enters the shop. 

"Osamu, is it too early for us to decorate for Christmas? I know December is in two weeks but..." Your words fall short when you see Sakusa. A smile etches on your face and you place the bin of decorations by the counter to greet him. "Are your classes done for the day Sakusa?" You stop in front of him, noticing the backpack over his shoulder. He nods his head. 

"I saw him lingering outside of the shop so I invited him in. Since you're here Sakusa, lend us a hand with the decorations. You're not in a hurry to be home, right?" Osamu walks over to the bin that sits on the counter. 

"Sure." Sakusa takes his backpack off and places it on one of the chairs by the counter. "Could you help me take the old decorations down?" You call out to Sakusa from the window in the front of the shop. Your finger points to the leaf garland that's wrapped around fairy lights that hang above. Sakusa nods his head, walking over to your side. 

While you clean up the decorations that are resting on the window sill, you feel Sakusa's arm stretch up behind you. Even when he's not touching you, you can't help but feel shy and nervous. There's a tightness in your chest. You try to make small talk to ignore the feeling. "You're not usually here after classes. Did you have to do something before heading home?" You collect a tiny bundle of pumpkins in your hands. Sakusa manages to take the garland down and eyes the empty bin that's by Y/L/N's foot. He carefully puts it inside. 

Scrunching his nose, he feels a bit embarrassed when he speaks honestly. "I wanted to see you." 

Thrown off from his answer, your cheeks turn a shade red. His voice is slightly muffled and you're unsure if you heard correctly. Seeing his shy expression, asking him to repeat himself might be too much. "You didn't have to come all this way to see me Sakusa. I know how much you hate crowds...I could've stopped by to say hi when I got home." 

"I was going to do that but my feet lead me here once I finished with my classes for the day." Sakusa casts his eyes to the side. He's being more shy than usual and you find it very cute. 

Osamu quietly watches the two while he hangs up a few stockings on the back wall. A bittersweet feeling aches in his chest. He knows that look in Sakusa's eyes very well. He purposely groans loudly to get their attention. His hand reaches for the balled up Christmas lights. "Y/N, did you just throw these lights in here like this? They're all tangled." 

"What?!" You hurry over to Osamu and stare at the bundled mess. Furrowing your brows, you glance at Osamu. "If I remember correctly, you were the one to clean up the decorations last year. We made a compromise that I'd decorate and you would clean up." 

"We did?" Osamu scratches the side of his head. Sakusa moves the remaining fall decoration into the bin before joining the two. "Here you hold onto one end and I'll figure out this mess." Osamu hands you the end with the plug while his fingers trail down the chord. 

"Do you have company Christmas parties Osamu?" Sakusa picks up a snowflake wall decoration, eyeing the sparkle on it. 

"Well, it's just Y/N and I so it wouldn't be much of a party. I'm sure Atsumu will love to throw a party if you brought it up to him." Atsumu slowly unravels the tangled lights while he speaks. "Why do you ask?" 

Sakusa shrugs. He lowers the snowflake in his hand back into the bin. "Would the two of you like to spend Christmas with Komori and I? It's not going to be as wild as the one Atsumu had during Halloween. Just a small get together." 

"Not going to see your family during the holidays?" Osamu raises an eyebrow when he holds the other end of the lights. He grabs a ladder, hammer, and some nails to start hanging the lights onto the wall. 

"My siblings won't be able to come home this year so my parents decide to take a vacation as their Christmas gift together. I'll probably see them after the New Years." 

Hearing the two mention the word family during the holidays gives you a hallow feeling. Your grandmother is probably the only person you would send a gift to during the holidays. She moved back to the countryside three years ago and she'd call you once a month. You wonder if you should pay her a visit during the New Year.

"Y/N." Osamu calls out your name, pulling you out of your thoughts. "Are you going to see your grandmother for Christmas?" 

You apologize for spacing out. "I might pay her a visit on New Years."

"Your grandmother?" Sakusa grows curious when he hears about your grandmother. You smile when you think about her. "She moved to Hokkaido three years ago. Last time I heard from her, she's met someone new. I didn't think she'd move on after being a widow for twenty years. My grandfather passed away a month before I was born so I never got to know what kind of man he was. But this new guy seems to make her really happy."

"Maybe I should pay my parents a visit during the New Year too." Osamu hammers the nail into the wall, tucking it between the string lights. "It's about time I taste mothers cooking again. Atsumu is worthless when it comes to cooking so I have to cook for us every day." He groans at the thought. "I wonder what we should have for dinner today..." 

Osamu exits out of the conversation with thoughts about dinner. You continue to help him with the lights while Sakusa untangles the next bundle. "You'll be there, right Y/L/N?" Sakusa speaks quietly to you. You turn your attention over to him. "The Christmas party at your place?" 

Sakusa nods his head and you flash him a smile. "Of course. Should I bring something? Drinks? Food?" 

"Just yourself." Sakusa curtly answers, his eyes casting down to the lights in his hands. "You also don't have to get prettied up. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable." You exhale softly and relax your shoulders. "So it's okay if I come over in a hoodie and sweatpants?"

Sakusa silently nods his head. You watch his fingers tremble slightly from how nervous he is after asking you. He must've actually came here to invite you to his place for Christmas. The straightforward Sakusa you first met is becoming someone who's cautiously approaching you. 

"Are we going to exchange gifts Sakusa? If so, what would you and Komori like?" Osamu joins back into the conversation after mentally thinking about dinner. Sakusa shrugs, a pondering look forming on his face. You're curious about his answer.

_What would Sakusa like?_

"I'm fine with anything. Just the thought you put into the present means a lot." Sakusa speaks up after thinking of an answer. "I'll have to ask Komori what he'd like when I get home." The three continue to chat about Christmas plans while decorating the shop. 

Several gift ideas come to your mind but you're unsure if it's anything Sakusa will genuinely like.


	21. Grandmother's invitation

"How are things in Hokkaido, grandma?" You balance your phone between your ear and shoulder while trimming off small parts of fat from the steak. The sound of the oiled pan simmers beside you.

"The air here is lovely as always. I feel like it's a present each and every day I wake up here." Your grandmother speaks with such cheerfulness. You can easily envision her smiling face. "I do wish you would come visit. I miss seeing my granddaughter."

Your heart wavers from her words and a smile creeps onto your face. You move the steak over to the pan and grab hold of your phone. "Actually...I was wondering if it's okay for me to come visit during the New Year. Osamu will be visiting his family so the shop will be closed up for the week."

"Oh? That's lovely news! That vacant room I have here will finally have its first guest." Grandma snickers into the phone. A faint voice of a man calls out to her. "Midori, you'll finally see my granddaughter that I've mentioned."

_Midori?_

So that's the name of the man that grandmas smitten over.

"Do you have a boyfriend yet Y/N? I'd like to see him too." Grandma's question makes your eyes widen. "Ah, but you said he'll be visiting family..."

"What?! Osamu isn't my boyfriend, grandma! He's my best friend." You're quick to correct her, your face heating up. "Oh, is there another guy then? That one you mentioned to me last month. Sazuki?" Grandma tilts her head, rubbing her chin.

"Sakusa." You correct her again. "He's not my boyfriend either."

"My, my. You have all these men around you who sound like amazing people and none of them attracts you? You can't be too picky now Y/N." She begins to lecture you and you hold back the groan that's itching to escape. "It's not that I'm being picky. It's more of me being afraid to be vulnerable for someone else. I'm still trying to get used to the touch of another person." You murmur your words while flipping the steak on the other side.

"Sorry dear. That was inconsiderate of me. You know I'm just looking out for you. How is that going by the way? You and Sazuki?"

"Sakusa?" You lightheartedly giggle. "I think we're both handling it well. I'm sure he'll get over his phobia before me. He's made more effort than I have."

"Oh? I'm curious about this Sakusa boy. Invite him for New Years." Midori calls out to your grandmother again and she's quick to hang up the call after saying her goodbyes. "Make sure to invite him Y/N! I'll have Midori send you a text of our address. I'm looking forward to seeing how much you've grown."

Your lips part slightly, ready to speak up but you hear the call end.

_What just happened? Did your grandmother ask you to invite Sakusa over for New Years? What if he has plans already?_

And if he didn't...you didn't want to trouble him with this.

After searing the sides of the steak, you move it over onto your plate beside your salad to rest.

_You're taking a smoke break._

The thought of asking Sakusa is making you nervous.

You grab a cigarette out of the pack and your lighter off the counter and head out to the balcony. Once you light your cigarette, you pull out your phone to text Sakusa.

_It's better if you ask him now than later. Is he home right now?_

Not a second later you hear the screen door from above you open and close.

Sakusa looks down to see Y/L/N with a nervous look. "What's wrong?" He eyes her face and the cigarette between her lips.

_Where do you even begin?_

Maybe you don't have to tell him every single detail of your phone call with your grandmother.

You release a cloud of smoke and lower the cigarette from your lips to your fingers. "Um." You feel a small pocket of courage but it quickly escapes from you when you make direct eye contact with Sakusa.

He crosses his arms together and places it on top of the railing. You notice the slight dampness of his hair which reminds you of Osamu. Sakusa was sick not too long ago and you're afraid he'll get sick again being out in the cold with wet hair.

"Actually, I'll tell you later. Go back in and dry off your hair Sakusa." You point to his hair and his fingers reach up to touch it.

"It's alright. I won't get sick that easily like last time. If I do, you'll have to help me get better again." Sakusa surprises you with his small smile and teasing. Your cheeks turn a shade red and you hurriedly move the cigarette back to your lips.

You cast your eyes back to the view in front of you.

Sakusa holds back his chuckles when he sees Y/L/N's response.

"I'll make it quick so you can go back in." You clear your throat. "Are you free during the New Year? My grandma wants to see you."

Sakusa tenses up when he hears Y/L/N's invitation. "Your grandmother wants to meet me?"

Nodding your head, you look back up to Sakusa to see his widen eyes. You didn't expect him to look so shocked. "She's curious to see what you're like and she's disappointed that I don't have a boyfriend so I'm sure she's hoping things will change between us if you come along. Grandma always has a trick up her sleeve." A warm laughter erupts from your throat when you think about her.

"But you don't have to co-" Sakusa cuts you off with his quick retort. "No, I'll go." His expression changes from shock to something much softer. "Komori is going to see his parents so...I don't want to be alone."

Your breath escapes you from how honest Sakusa is. He casts his eyes to the side, a blush streaking across his face. He moves a hand over his lips to muffle his next sentence. "I also don't want you to be alone either so."

You recollect yourself and giggle. "Okay. We'll keep each other company than Sakusa. I'm sure my grandma will be elated to see you."

Sakusa nods his head, slowly returning his eyes to Y/L/N to see her smile.

"Now go back in. You and Osamu both need to learn to dry your hair."

The mention of Osamu leaves a sour taste in Sakusa's mouth. This feeling of being compared to him started to bother him recently. But he nods his head and raises a hand to say goodbye to Y/L/N before going back in.


	22. The perfect gift

"So, what are we getting the three?" Atsumu stares at the Christmas wrapping paper in front of him. Osamu grabs one roll and places it in the cart.

"We? I didn't know we were combining our gifts together." Osamu blankly stares at the items on the shelves while he walks down the aisle. Atsumu groans out and crosses his arms while he walks next to Osamu.

"I don't know what to get them. I figured you did." Atsumu scratches the side of his cheek. "So you're going to take credit from whatever I buy? Not a chance Atsumu." Osamu scoffs at the idea. He backtracks when he notices a new kitchen gadget.

Atsumu raises a hand over the gadget, knitting his brows together. "Hey. Eyes on the prize Osamu. We're out to get gifts for our friends. Not things for ourselves." Osamu sighs and nods his head. The two leave the kitchen aisle.

"Maybe I should get Y/N an outfit. She'll have to wear it at least once to show it to me." Atsumu smirks at the idea, a glimmer in his eyes. Hearing this, Osamu shoves Atsumu's head. "Hey!" Atsumu grumbles out at Osamu.

"Don't. You're going to make her wear something she'll be uncomfortable in." Osamu notices a Shiba plush and is quickly reminded of Komori. Their round eyebrows are very similar. His lips curl into a smile and he chuckles lightly. "Who is that for? Y/N?" Atsumu notices the Shiba plush in Osamu's hand.

Osamu turns it over to Atsumu and chuckles. "Doesn't this look like Komori? Their eyebrows match. He's also friendly to others like most Shiba's are."

"But would he like that? I don't think Komori collects plushies anymore at his age." Atsumu scrunches his nose when he watches Osamu place the Shiba into the cart. "If he doesn't like it, he can give it to someone else." The only person Osamu wants to impress is Y/N. He's already bought her gift ahead of time. "Now what should I get Sakusa."

"Speaking of Sakusa..." Atsumu lunges on this topic the moment Osamu mentions Sakusa. "Komori's told me he's been getting attached to Y/N. How does that make you feel?"

Osamu presses his lips together in a fine line, holding onto his breath before exhaling slowly. "That's good. The two were awkward in the beginning. It's good for them to have more friends."

Atsumu isn't satisfied with his brothers response. The conversation between Osamu and Y/N in the kitchen is still very clear in his mind. "You don't have to lie to your own brother, Osamu. I know you like her. I'm sure you also know Sakusa is—"

Osamu stops pushing the cart, a darkness looming over him. He turns to eye Atsumu with a steely gaze. "Don't finish that sentence." Atsumu freezes up from Osamu and nods his head slowly. He pretends to lock his lips and throws away the invisible key.

"We should hurry and pick them up something so I can get back home to make dinner." Osamu turns around and pushes the cart down towards the seasonal section. Several gift boxes line up the area. His cheerful holiday mood is nonexistent by this point.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

"Osamu would love this!" Komori points to a gift set with several high end Japanese confectionery behind the glass case. Sakusa and Komori notice the price tag and wince. "Maybe we can say this is a gift from the both of us." Sakusa nods his head in agreement. The two call over a staff and point to the set of sweets. The staff leaves their side to prepare the box of sweets after the two finalize their choices.

"Alright, now we just need to get Atsumu and Y/L/N something." Komori grins from ear to ear.

So far gift shopping is running smoothly.

"We should split up after that so I can get you something Komori." Sakusa looks out of the confectionery shop that's located on the second level of the shopping mall.

"Sounds like a good plan." Komori holds his smile when he looks at Sakusa. The staff calls out to the two and they walk over to the cash register to pay for Osamu's gift. They exit the shop and continue to walk down the second floor.

"Atsumu likes food too. Fatty tuna to be exact." Sakusa murmurs. "But that's not something we can exactly get him."

Komori ponders in deep thought. They slow down in front of a sushi restaurant that's tucked away in the very end. "Should we get him a gift certificate to one of his favorite restaurants? We can split the payment for that too."

"Do you know what his favorite restaurant is Komori?" Sakusa raises an eyebrow. Komori lightheartedly chuckles and shakes his head. "Not exactly. Maybe we should see what restaurant serves the best fatty tuna and see if they sell gift certificates."

"Alright. I guess we should get Y/L/N something next." Sakusa hugs onto the wall beside him to avoid the busy crowd.

"What do you plan to get her Sakusa? I'm sure you know what she likes more than I do." Komori watches the people walk by. Sakusa grows quiet. He's not exactly sure what to get her. He recalls her bare apartment.

_Should he get something to brighten her apartment up?_

He turns to look at Komori. "She doesn't have a lot of decorations in her apartment. It looks like she just moved in even though she's lived there for 5 years."

"Let's get her some décor then." Komori perks up. "There's a shop on one of these floors that carries minimalistic home décor and other things too." He leads the way and Sakusa follows closely behind him. The two split up when they walk inside the shop.

There's a particular item Sakusa is looking for and he's unsure if any store sells it. He looks for a section with canvases instead.

_It's better if he made it himself._

Picking up a few painting supplies, he walks over to the cash register with the items in hand.

He then texts Komori that he's going to wander off a bit to buy Komori's gift since the two are apart. Komori sends him a thumbs up and Sakusa is off to look for a clothing store. He lowers his eyes down to the bags in his hands, a smile forms on his face.

He's looking forward to seeing Y/L/N's reaction when she opens her gift. 


	23. Is this what falling in love feels like?

A yawn escapes your lips when you slowly sit up in bed. You spent last night wrapping gifts for today.

Things have been busy for you with work and planning your trip to Hokkaido with Sakusa.

Not only did you get gifts for your friends, you decided to get something for your grandmother and Midori. You stare at the bag that's sitting by your suitcase. Not knowing anything about Midori made him the most difficult person to gift. You only hope he'll enjoy the treats of Tokyo.

Staring at your clock on the back wall tells you that it's 8:23 AM.

_Is it too early for you to be there? When are you suppose to be there anyway?_

You lift the blanket off of you and drag your feet towards the bathroom to freshen up. You then exit the bathroom.

_Sakusa said for you to not dress up but..._

Lowering your eyes down to your oversized sweater and sweatpants, you wonder if this is too casual. You're only going to be with the others and there's no reason for you to impress anyone. But, you can't help but worry about Sakusa's opinion.

You've always been cautious of his thoughts of you. You didn't make a great first impression when you compared him to Atsumu. It wouldn't surprise you if Sakusa thought you were just another one of Atsumu's eye candy.

You groan into your palms after looking at your reflection in the mirror. "Whatever..." Your lips turn into a pout.

_For an adult, you're acting like you're a young teenager in love._

The thought makes you freeze.

_Is this what it feels like to have a crush on someone?_

Your face heats up and your heart races uncontrollably. You slowly raise a hand to clench your chest. Having this realization makes you swirl in several different emotions.

**But one thing is certain— it's scary.**

"Agh." You raise your hands to your cheeks, lightly slapping yourself. You reflexively reach into your pockets for a cigarette and lighter. But your pockets are empty. You exit your bedroom and find the items you're looking for on the kitchen counter. Grabbing them off the counter, you walk over to the balcony and start to subconsciously raise the cigarette to your lips, lighting it. Before you can raise the flame to the cigarette, a voice calls out to you.

"Y/L/N?" Komori is the one to look down at you. "Smoking this early in the morning?"

"Ah..." You shyly lower the cigarette away from your lips.

"Come on up. I'm sure a nice cup of milk and cookies is much healthier than a cigarette." Komori grins from ear to ear. He quickly leaves and you hear the screen door open and close. Exhaling, you place the cigarette back into the pack and head inside.

You're slightly relieved to know it wasn't Sakusa. He'd only worry if he saw you smoking. You leave the pack of cigarette and lighter behind. Sliding on your shoes, you grab four bags of presents with you before locking the door. You're surprised to see Sakusa walking down the staircase in his sweatpants and t-shirt. He's not wearing a coat or a face mask.

_Is he in a hurry to go somewhere?_

"Morning Sakusa. Are you heading out somewhere in a hurry?" You point to his lack of jacket. He wears a blank expression, shaking his head.

"I was actually coming to get you. Komori told me you were out on the balcony with your cigarette."

Your eyes widen briefly before you cast your eyes to the side. Pursing your lips, you clench your hands onto the straps of the bags.

_Damn Komori for making Sakusa worry over you._

Sakusa notices the presents in Y/L/N's hands and extends a hand to help her. "Let's go in. Komori is excited for you to try his cookies." Nodding your head, you hand Sakusa two bags to hold. He turns around and walks back up. You stare at his tall frame.

_Is it possible that Sakusa may have the same feelings as you do?_

Your brows furrow and you push the thought out. He's probably just worried for you as a friend. Osamu and Atsumu would most likely hurry to your side like Sakusa did just now.

_But...Osamu likes you. Wait. Ugh._

"Y/L/N! Merry Christmas!" Komori startles you with a party popper. He pops it off the moment you step inside. The small strings of confetti falls onto your hair.

Sakusa turns around to look at Y/L/N, he stifles a chuckle when he sees how startled she is. A warm chuckle erupts from his throat and Komori also joins in with the laughter. "Komori told me not to tell you about the party popper. Sorry."

Sakusa hesitantly reaches for the confetti. You feel his fingers brush the top of your head. You start to feel more self conscious.

Komori leaves the two of you to head over to the kitchen. You and Sakusa both take your shoes off at the foyer. He sets your presents under the tree and you do the same. Your eyes sparkle at the tree in front of you.

You can't remember the feeling of seeing presents under a Christmas tree. You reach out to touch the ornament in front of you. Seeing the beautiful lights and colorful ornaments brings a smile to your face. "It must've been fun to put this up." You whisper when you eye the tree.

Sakusa feels a bit sadden from her words. He should've invited her over the day Komori and him set it up.

"Y/L/N!" Komori comes running over with a glass of milk and a sugar cookie. You thank him before taking the items from his hands. A cute gingerbread man with sloppy icing stares at you. Stifling a giggle, you smile brightly. "Did you decorate this yourself too?"

Komori snickers and points at Sakusa. "Sakusa decorated that one."

You bite your tongue, guilty of laughing at Sakusa's creation. "It's cute."

Sakusa notices how Y/L/N is holding back her further giggles. He scrunches his nose and looks away.

You dip the gingerbread man into the glass of milk before taking a bite. Knowing Sakusa decorated this one makes the flavor taste better. It's not possible but you'd like to pretend it does.

"It's delicious." You eye Sakusa who's anxiously waiting for your comment.

He may not have baked the cookies himself, but he did decorate a few of them. His shoulders relax when he hears Y/L/N's compliment.

Komori grins widely, ecstatic to hear that his gingerbread cookies are delicious. "There's more in the kitchen if you want another. I'm going to call the Miya twins. Make yourself comfortable Y/L/N." Komori hurries off to his bedroom to grab his cellphone, leaving you alone with Sakusa. Sakusa runs his fingers through his wavy hair. A silence looms over the two of you.

You take a seat by the tree to admire it while finishing your cookie.

Sakusa quietly takes a seat beside Y/L/N. He gazes at her glimmering eyes. Mentally he takes note to invite Y/L/N over next year to help decorate the tree. The thought slipped his mind that she probably doesn't have a tree in her apartment. He's 100% sure she didn't decorate at all.

"I should've invited you over to help us decorate the tree." Sakusa is the one to speak up, getting your attention. You shake your head.

"I wouldn't want to butt in on a moment between you and Komori. Osamu and I decorated a tree for the shop so I'm not missing out on much." You take a sip of milk and place the glass on the coffee table.

_Right. Osamu would be a step ahead of him._

Sakusa feels slightly upset at the thought that Osamu was able to experience a moment like that with Y/L/N.

"Next year. I want you to decorate the tree with Komori and I." Sakusa curtly says. You hear a slight annoyance in his voice but you're not completely sure.

"Okay." You answer with a smile. The two of you turn your gazes back to the tree and you eye the presents underneath it. Komori remerges into the living room with his phone by his ear. He rushes over to the door and opens it. Osamu and Atsumu raise a hand to say hello. Atsumu hangs up his phone and Komori slides his phone into his sweatpants pocket.

"The party is here!" Atsumu loudly speaks out. He walks in and takes his shoes off. His eyes glance over to the living room and he hurries over to your side. "Merry Christmas Y/L/N, Sakusa! Look what I brought over."

Atsumu snickers and pulls out a bottle of wine from one of the bags in his hands. You giggle at the sight. Of course Atsumu would be the one to bring alcohol. Osamu gently places the presents in his hands besides the other presents under the tree.

He then takes a seat beside you. "You're here early." A small smile curls onto his face. Your eyes glance up to his hair.

_It's damp. Again._

You stretch your hand forward and sigh when you feel the dampness in his hair. Osamu stiffens from your action. "You never listen to me when I tell you to dry your hair. You'll get sick with how cold it is. It's not summer anymore." Osamu chuckles when you begin to lecture him. "It's odd to have you lecture me. Usually I'm the one to."

You pull your hand away and scoff. Komori brings a plate of cookies and more glass of milk for the group.

"Should we open presents now?" Atsumu eagerly eyes the presents under the tree. He takes a seat between Sakusa and Komori. "Sure." Sakusa murmurs. His mood seems to dampen the moment Osamu and Atsumu arrived.

Your theory bubbles up into your mind. Sakusa may possibly be jealous of Osamu. He's beginning to reveal it easily. Or maybe you're just seeing things.

"Here." Osamu extends a small box to you. You eye the beautifully wrapped present and take it from him. Your fingers graze against one another's briefly and you jolt slightly.

"Oh?! Did he get you jewelry?" Atsumu curiously looks over to you while he opens the present he received from Sakusa and Komori.

_Jewelry?_

That guess seems accurate with how small the box is. You undo the ribbon and lift the lid of the box off. A satin fabric covers the item and you lift it away.

There lays a silver lighter with your initials chiseled in gold. Cherry blossoms are also chiseled in gold on both sides. You notice a small message on the back.

**"I'll be the light to your darkness."**

The custom gift makes your chest warm and a smile etches onto your face. "I thought you wanted me to quit smoking Osamu." You flick your eyes over to his. "Wouldn't this gift entice me to smoke more just so I have use for it?" Osamu scoffs with a smirk. "You could just also look at it without using it."

Giggling, you eye the gift again. "Thank you. I'll be sure to keep it on me at all times." Your smile is infectious. The smirk on Osamu's face softens into a smile.

"WOOO!!! FREE MEAL." Atsumu is elated when he opens his present to a gift certificate to one of the best restaurants that specialize in fatty tuna. Komori hugs the Shiba plush that Osamu's gifted him. Sakusa is quiet when he looks at the variety of pickled plums Osamu's gifted him. You giggle at his wavering eyes. You reach for Osamu's present, handing him the bag.

He carefully reaches inside the bag and pulls out a large rectangular present. He raises an eyebrow and looks over to you. "What's in here?"

"Open it and you'll find out." You anticipate his reaction while he tears the wrapping off. He then lifts off the lid of the box and quickly closes it back.

He squeezes his eyes shut and clenches his teeth. "You did not..."

"I did." You giggle, smiling from ear to ear. "Come on. Take a good look at it Osamu." You help him take the lid off again. He holds in his breath when he looks at the handmade kitchen knife that's nestled in the box.

The light in his eyes reminds you of a child in a candy shop.

Osamu is in disbelief when he carefully takes it out of the box to examine it. He notices the tiny signature at the end of the handle, the knife is made from one of the professionals in the industry.

_How did Y/N manage to get something like this?_

His eyes flick over to her, a flutter in his heart when he sees her gentle smile.

**He wants to hug her.**

That's the only reaction he feels strongly about. Osamu lowers the knife back into the box and scrunches his nose slightly. "I'm going to hug you Y/N. So don't put up a fight. It's my way of thanking you." 

"Wha-" Your words cut off when Osamu leans forward to envelope you tightly.

The other three glance over with bewildered expressions. Atsumu drops his jaw when he sees Osamu's blushing face. 

You freeze in your spot.

Osamu's warmth meets your body and you hesitate to return the hug. He releases his hold on you and stares back at the knife in the box, a cheesy grin on his face. Sakusa bites his inner cheek and tries to remain collected. 

A threatening thought crosses his mind and he tries to invade it away. He's not the only one who can be physical to Y/L/N. 

"What was that about?" Atsumu calls out to the two. He leans forward to grab the box from Osamu's hands. His brows raise when he looks at the knife. "What's so special about this?" 

Osamu furrows his brows in response, snatching it back from Atsumu. "You're so uncultured." He spits out. Osamu leaves your side to sit by Komori to open the gifts from him. Clearing your throat, you reach for Sakusa's gift. The blush on your face doesn't seem to subside. 

Sakusa however extends your present in front of you before you can give him his present. You look over to Sakusa who wears a blank expression. "Open mine next." He speaks quietly. You notice how large the present is compared to the small one you earlier received from Osamu.

_The two really are polar opposites._

The thought makes you smirk. You carefully tear the wrapping off of the present and a painted canvas is revealed. A hand written sentence is in the center of the canvas, surrounded by flowers. 

"𝓌𝑒𝓁𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒, 𝓎/𝓃"

A tiny signature is on the corner of the canvas with Sakusa's initials.

_Did he paint this himself?_

You feel the corner of your eyes tear up and you don't make the effort to hold them back. The tears trickle down your cheeks and you weakly wipe them away. 

Sakusa's breath hitches when he sees Y/L/N tearing up. That's the opposite reaction he expected. "Why are you crying Y/L/N?" He furrows his brows. 

"Because." You sniffle, lowering the canvas down to your lap. "You always seem to know the right things to say and do for me Sakusa. I only mentioned it once about how there's no one to greet me when I come home. Something I thought you would forget eventually." 

"Why would I? Every little detail about you will be something engrained in my thoughts." Sakusa softly speaks up. You're taken aback by his words. Your parted lips close and it's very clear to you that your heart is racing for him. 

Sakusa's cheeks tinge a shade pink when he realizes what he just said to Y/L/N.

"You painted this yourself?" You change the topic to ease your racing heart. He nods silently. You wonder what kind of expression Sakusa made while he painted this. You look at the canvas with gentle eyes and a delicate smile. "It's beautiful. I'm sure this will brighten my mood whenever I see it." 

Sakusa eyes Y/L/N's smiling face, his heart beating against his chest.

You place a bag on his lap. "Your turn to open a present from me. There were a lot of gift options I had in mind but I decided this gift might be better. Or it could be bad too." 

Her reasoning for the gift makes Sakusa nervous.

_What did Y/L/N get him?_

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a tiny box.

_It's not possibly jewelry is it?_

Something about small boxes makes everyone think it's jewelry. 

Sakusa slowly lifts the lid off of the present and freezes up when he sees the key to her apartment. He raises his eyes to look at her but she's shyly looking away. She parts her lips slightly to whisper. 

"If you ever want to come by, you're free to. We can have our late night conversations if there's ever anything on your mind."

Sakusa notices the tip of her ears redden. She nervously looks over to him to see his reaction. 

Sakusa bites his bottom lip and places the lid back onto the box. He struggles to hold back the smile that's itching to grow. Lowering his head, he extends his hand towards Y/L/N's head.

You feel Sakusa's trembling fingers stroke your hair. Despite the little physical contact, this kind of touch from Sakusa makes you grow more flustered than the hug from Osamu. 

"Thank you for the present Y/L/N." Sakusa shyly murmurs out between pauses. His fingers continue to stroke your hair a second longer before he pulls his hand back. 

Osamu quietly watches the two of them, a slight ache in his heart. The two of them are starting to have chemistry. A fragile friendship that may become something more serious if the two are willing to take that step. 

"My turn!" Atsumu cuts into their special moment. He extends his hands out to Y/N for his present. Komori shyly extends his hand out beside Atsumu too. You giggle at the two and place their bags in their hands. 

_This Christmas is definitely the best one you've had in years._


	24. Question reversed

After opening gifts, the group huddles onto the sofa to watch Christmas movies together. Of course you're wedged between Osamu and Sakusa. The two quietly sit with their eyes glued to the screen.

Atsumu and Komori are the only ones making light conversation between each other. You feel a bit awkward and have trouble focusing on the television.

You don't even know what is going on in the movie.

_Is this a Christmas love movie or is it a comedy?_

Osamu stifles a chuckle as he watches the movie.

"Honestly, this is why it's so hard for anyone to find love. These movies set standards so high." Atsumu grumbles, stuffing his face with cookies. Sakusa quietly takes a bite of his gingerbread cookie.

"Why are you complaining Atsumu? There's plenty of girls who'll accept you." Sakusa mumbles out. Komori and you both snicker at Sakusa's comment.

"That's true but they only want me for my looks. I want someone who'll see past that. My personality needs some love too." The group is thrown off from how serious Atsumu's gotten. Osamu exhales and ruffles his hair. "Maybe you should stop going out every weekend with a new girl then Atsumu." He eyes his brother with a sly smirk. "I'm going to use the bathroom." Osamu stands up to head to the bathroom after making a clap back to Atsumu.

"Every weekend?" You lean forward to look at Atsumu who sits next to Sakusa. He avoids your looming eyes. "How are you not broke by now Atsumu?"

"He probably makes them pay." Sakusa casts his eyes over to Atsumu who stiffens. "No way! That's not very gentleman like of you Atsumu." Komori shoves Atsumu lightly.

"HEY! Let's not all bombard me." Atsumu raises a pillow to cover his redden face. "This is why I have trust issues." You murmur under your breath. "You sleaze!" You lean over Sakusa to press the pillow onto Atsumu's face.

"WHAT?! ARE YOU TRYING TO SUFFOCATE ME?!" Atsumu pulls the pillow away from his face. He readies it to throw it at you but the pillow meets Sakusa's face. You and Atsumu both widen your eyes when Atsumu pulls the pillow back to his chest. "A-Are you okay Sakusa?" Komori stammers out. You eye Sakusa who rubs his face.

_Why did he willingly lean forward to shield you from the pillow?_

"Shit, sorry Sakusa. I was trying to aim for Y/N." Atsumu quickly apologizes. "Why'd you get in the way?" Sakusa doesn't say a word and Osamu returns to the living room. "What did I miss? Atsumu looks like he's peed himself." Komori snickers at Osamu's sentence and catches him up on the events. You grab a pillow from Osamu's side and lightly hit Sakusa on the back of the head. He's the one to look surprised now. His widen eyes turn over to you.

"Sakusa you idiot. Don't willingly get hit by a pillow for me. Atsumu wouldn't have really done it." You try to sound stern but your words tremble out from your lips. A blush streaks across your face when his eyes soften on you.

"Are we hitting Sakusa now?" Atsumu raises his pillow up again.

"Don't you dare." Sakusa flicks his eyes over to Atsumu who lowers the pillow back down. Osamu grabs the pillow out of your hand and smacks Atsumu with it. "What the fuck?!" Atsumu cries out. "Are we having a pillow fight now? What are we? Kids?"

"You still act like one." Osamu smirks when he stops the pillow from Atsumu. The two begin to bicker and you take the moment of distraction to apologize to Sakusa.

"Sorry for hitting you with the pillow." You squeak out. Sakusa shakes his head and raises a hand to the back of his head. His lips curl into a smile and he glances over to you. "That's the first time you raised your voice at me. It makes me happy in a way. Like our friendship is becoming something like yours and Osamu's." A soft shade of pink forms on his cheeks and your heart flutters.

"What about me?" Osamu slips into the conversation. He lightly hits you with the pillow.

You whip your head to look at Osamu with furrowed brows. "Why'd you hit me?" He shrugs with a devilish grin. You attempt to grab the pillow from him but he grips onto it tightly. Pursing your lips, you raise your finger to flick him on the forehead. Osamu gently grabs onto your fingers, stopping you.

You tense up and your eyes widen briefly. Sakusa surprises the two of you by flicking Osamu's forehead. The two of you glance over to Sakusa who wears knitted brows and pursed lips.

"Everyone's so physical today. Did you all wake up angry?" Komori dryly chuckles.

Osamu and Sakusa both stare at one another. Seemingly having a conversation with their eyes. You pull your fingers away from Osamu.

_"Why are you here?"_

_"Isn't it obvious? I'm here for you."_

_"Me? It's Christmas, Daichi. Didn't you tell me you have plans to spend the day with someone important to you?"_

_"Yeah. That someone is you, Mira. You can be so clueless sometimes. But that's just another reason why I love you."_

_"You...what? Y-You lo—"_

_"You heard me correctly, Mira. I love you. I thought I made it obvious."_

"Man, are there people this delusional? How did the main character not know Daichi was foolishly in love with her." Atsumu speaks up.

"Well, Daichi is always playful. He's never serious until now. It makes sense that she didn't know." You comment. You would've mistaken this Christmas love story movie as a comedy movie from how things panned out.

Atsumu chuckles and eyes Y/N from the corner of his eye. "You're only sticking up for her because you're just like her Y/N."

"W-What? You must want to be suffocated by a pillow today Atsumu." You grab the pillow from Osamu. Atsumu widens his eyes, standing up from the sofa to run away.

"You can't run anywhere Atsumu!"

"JOKES ON YOU. I'M TAKING THIS OUTSIDE." Atsumu fumbles to put his shoes on. He then flings the door open and runs. You leave the pillow behind and chase after him when you put your shoes on.

"Wait!" Komori calls out to the two but the door closes. "They could've put their jackets on at least."

"They'll be fine." Osamu chuckles to himself. "With them gone..." He turns his eyes over to Sakusa. "Should we discuss what's on your mind Sakusa?"

Komori raises an eyebrow from the low serious tone from Osamu. "What are you talking about?" Sakusa speaks in a low tone.

Osamu forms a devilish grin. "You like Y/N, don't you?"

Sakusa widens his eyes from the similar question he asked Osamu two months ago. His breath hitches and he feels a tightness in his chest. Komori covers his mouth with the Shiba plush, eyes widen in surprise.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

"ATSUMU!" You call out his name while you hurry down the staircase. The moment you reach the bottom step, Atsumu grabs onto your wrist. "Gotcha!" He releases his hold on your wrist with a smirk. "Now I have you alone."

You raise your eyebrow.

_Did he lure you out here to be alone with him?_

"What do you mean?"

"There's something that's bugging me since the day I overheard your conversation with Osamu." Atsumu speaks in a more serious tone.

_Wait, he overheard you two?_

"Y/N, do you like Sakusa or Osamu?"

You freeze up from Atsumu's question. Your eyes blankly stare directly into his eyes.

"I know I was playing Cupid in the beginning but...I don't want to see Osamu hurt. He really likes you, Y/N. But I also know Sakusa is beginning to develop the same feelings."

_Sakusa too?_


	25. It's definitely love

"What are you talking about Atsumu?" A cold breeze blows through your hair and you reflexively wrap your arms around yourself. 

"I know something is going on between you and Sakusa. There is, right? Osamu isn't stupid enough to not notice either." Atsumu speaks carefully. The two of you shield yourselves from the wind by standing behind the staircase.

_Is this really the time to talk about things like this in the freezing cold?_

"Osamu and I are good friends. Sakusa and I are also becoming good friends." You robotically answer. You aren't entirely sure what your feelings are for Sakusa currently. You know he makes your heart waver but you're too much of a weakling to give into the feeling. 

Atsumu narrows his eyes on Y/N, leaning a bit forward to stare at her directly. He doesn't sense any lies coming from her.

_Does she not have any feelings for either of them?_

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa stares at Osamu in silence after recollecting himself. 

**The word ' _like'_. **

_Is that the word he'd describe his current emotions?_

He's never had much interest in anything. 

"What would describe the feeling of liking someone?" Sakusa innocently asks. Osamu is thrown off by Sakusa's question. 

"Is it the feeling of wanting to see her even though I've just seen her a second ago? Or how it's impossible for me to go to sleep knowing that she's alone? Or how upset I get when you're close to her, Osamu?" Sakusa lowers his eyes down to his lap. When he speaks up about his thoughts, a rush of emotions spreads through him. 

_He feels nauseous._

Komori notices the color in Sakusa's face pale. Osamu remains quiet. His hands clenching into fists. 

"She's all you can think about." Osamu murmurs. "You want the best for her and you want to be that very person to help her become her absolute best." 

Sakusa raises his eyes from his lap, lips parted slightly when he sees the pained expression Osamu wears. He wears a lopsided smile and exhales under his breath. "You feel the same way, right Sakusa?" 

The conversation falls short when the front door opens. Sakusa flicks his eyes over to the foyer and sees Y/L/N's redden nose and cheeks. She shivers the moment she steps into the warmth. Atsumu's face is also red from the blistering cold. 

"I'm guessing you caught up to him?" Komori calls out to the two from the sofa. He stands up to walk over to the kitchen. "I'll make some hot chocolate." Osamu eyes Sakusa, tilting his head to the side. He mentally signals Sakusa to go over to Y/L/N. But neither of them move from their spot on the sofa. 

Atsumu and you both return to your spots on the sofa. "So, how did the movie end? Did they kiss?" Atsumu casually starts a conversation. Osamu and Sakusa both don't have the answer to his question. 

You sniffle, feeling your face sting from the contrast of temperature against your face. Osamu flicks his eyes over to Sakusa, wondering if he'll do something to warm her up. Sakusa wracks his brain to do something for her.

_Should he get her a scarf? A blanket?_

But Komori beats him to the punch when he extends a warm cup of hot chocolate.

"Here you are Y/L/N." Komori smiles sweetly when he hands you the cup. You thank him and raise the cup to your nose. The sweet smell of hot chocolate brightens your mood. The hot chocolate settles the troubling thoughts of your conversation with Atsumu. 

Komori hands the other cup to Atsumu who thanks him before taking a sip. Sakusa notices her redden fingertips. Maybe he should've bought her gloves as a second gift. 

"You should be more careful Y/N. The last thing you need to do is get sick before you visit your grandmother." Osamu watches her drink the hot chocolate. She huffs into her cup and averts her eyes from Osamu. Sakusa envies how easily Osamu can speak his mind. Even though he's lecturing her, that's part of their friendship anyway. 

_What is his special thing with Y/L/N? Is it maybe how he can lend her a listening ear?_

But...she can receive that from anyone close to her. 

"Oh, that's right. When are we suppose to leave to go see our parents again 'Samu?" Atsumu lowers the hot chocolate from his lips. Osamu glances at his watch. The time is already 4PM. "I guess we should head out now if we want to arrive by dinner time." 

"We don't want to hold you back. So drive safely and text one of us when you get there." Komori cleans up a few dishware off of the coffee table. "Thanks for coming over and spending Christmas with us." 

Sakusa nods along with Komori's words. "Thanks for the gifts." He looks directly at Osamu who wears a small smile. The two stand up from the sofa and grab their presents from the tree. You stand up as well. "I guess I should head out too and call my grandma." 

_No._

Sakusa feels sadden at the thought that she's leaving as well. Atsumu chugs his hot chocolate, wincing at the pain on his tongue from the hot temperature. "Thanks for the cookies and hot chocolate Komori! We'll see you three after New Years." Osamu and Atsumu walk over to the foyer to slide on their shoes. You walk to the front to say your goodbyes to them. 

"Tell your grandmother I said hi." Osamu curls his lips into a small smile and you nod your head. Osamu exits the door first and Atsumu eyes you silently. Neither of you trade words. He smirks before saying goodbye to you. The door closes and you turn around to Sakusa and Komori. 

"Do you need help cleaning up before I go?" 

Komori shakes his head. He places the cup from Atsumu in the sink. "I'll take care of it. Thanks for coming over Y/L/N." 

You lower your eyes to the hot chocolate. Sakusa predicts Y/L/N's next move and calls out to her. "Don't. You'll burn your tongue Y/L/N." 

You giggle when you hear Sakusa stop you. Scrunching your nose, you sit back down on the sofa. "I guess I'll leave when I finish this. I don't want this to go to waste after you Komori made it for me." 

"You can stay here as long as you want. I'm going to take a shower. If you're gone before I'm back, have a good New Year Y/L/N." Komori smiles and hurries off to his bedroom to grab his clothes to change into after his shower. 

The living room is much quieter now when it's just you and Sakusa. 

"Are you still cold?" Sakusa speaks softly when he looks at your redden nose. You lower the cup from your lips to look at him. 

"Just a bit. But I'll be fine once I finish this hot chocolate." You lower your eyes down to your cup and offer the cup to Sakusa. "Do you want some Sakusa?" It's been awhile since the two of you shared something. You half expectantly assume Sakusa will decline but he adorably places his lips on the other side of the cup. 

You blush from the action and hesitantly tip the cup to let the drink meet his lips but you feared that he'll drown in it. Sakusa carefully places his fingertips on the cup and helps you tilt it in a way for him to drink the hot chocolate. You feel too nervous to look at Sakusa directly while he drinks so you avert your eyes to the side. He lowers the cup from his lips and you bring the cup back towards you. 

Seeing Y/L/N's blushing face warms his chest more than the hot chocolate that he's just consumed. A smile forms on her face and she exhales slowly. "I didn't know you can be so cute Sakusa." 

His eyes widen briefly. Unsure if he's heard her correctly.

_Did she call him cute just now?_

She raises the cup back to her lips to avoid further conversation. 

Ignoring the temperature, you finish up the hot chocolate. You squeeze your eyes when the heat burns your tongue. But you bare the pain to ignore the fact that you're embarrassed from speaking your thoughts aloud. 

The corners of your eyes tear up but you finished the hot chocolate. You hear a soft chuckle beside you. Sakusa wears a charming smile while he chuckles at you. Seeing this kind of expression from him makes you freeze in place. He comfortably let's out his emotions in front of you without covering his hand over his lips to muffle the laughter. "I think you're the cute one Y/L/N." He says between laughter. You purse your lips from his comment. 

**There goes your heart again. It's racing at an alarming rate.**

"I've never heard you laugh like that Sakusa. It's refreshing to see you like this." You speak softly, meeting his eyes. His chuckling settles down and he gazes at you with gentle eyes. You stand up and walk over to the sink to put the cup on top of the pile of dishes. 

"Thank you again for inviting me here. This is a Christmas I won't forget." You speak from the kitchen. You then walk over to the living room to grab your presents from under the tree. Sakusa stands up to see you off at the door. He watches Y/L/N slip her shoes on and opens the door for her. 

"I'll walk you down." Sakusa speaks in a low tone, closing the door behind him. You don't decline his offer and the two of you silently walk over to the staircase. A comfortable silence is shared between the two of you. You reach into your pocket for your apartment key, inserting it into the key slot to unlock the door. 

"Well...I'll see you in a few days?" You're unsure how to say goodbye to Sakusa. The two of you live in the same apartment complex so technically you can see him tomorrow if you wanted. 

"Next Wednesday morning, right?" Sakusa slides his hands into his pockets and you nod your head. "Yeah. We'll be arriving two days before the New Year." Neither of you seem to know how to say goodbye to each other. 

You clear your throat after the conversation falls short. "You should head back inside Sakusa. It's freezing out here." He's left the apartment again without his coat. But he doesn't move an inch when you tell him to go back. His eyes look distant when you look at him directly. "Sakusa?" 

He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at you. "Can I ask you something Y/L/N?" His serious tone makes you anxious and you nod your head. "Sure. Is something on your mind?" Sakusa bites his inner cheek. He casts his eyes to the side for a second before meeting your eyes again. 

"Could we hug goodbye?" He bites down on his bottom lip after nervously asking the question. Your chest tightens from his question.

**Sakusa wants a hug.**

It's unlike him to ask for something like this. Or to ask anything from you to begin with. 

You awkwardly giggle. Nervousness wrapping you around it's finger. "That distant look you wore earlier is because of this question?" You open the door to your apartment to lower the gifts in your arms onto the floor. The sound of your heartbeat fills your eardrums when you turn around to face Sakusa. 

You raise your arms up timidly and take a step closer to Sakusa. Inhaling sharply, you close your eyes and carefully wrap your arms around Sakusa's waist. His body tenses from your touch and you hesitantly pull away. But you find yourself embraced by Sakusa's long arms. He holds you delicately against his chest. 

Your ear presses against his chest and you can hear the sound of his heartbeat. It's racing quickly, just like yours. Sakusa is just as nervous and scared as you are. But he doesn't show it on his face. 

You find comfort in his embrace and the fear slowly leaves you. The moment is short when you both pull away from each other. 

"Thank you." Sakusa softly murmurs under his breath. "I should head back before Komori wonders where I ran off to." He speaks in a rush and practically runs towards the staircase. You watch his tall frame disappear. A giggle escapes your lips when you see how quickly Sakusa runs away to hide his blushing face from you. You raise a hand to your chest to feel the pounding of your heart.

Sakusa slows his steps when he stands in front of his apartment door. He raises his trembling hand to his chest and feels his heart racing. 

The two share very similar thoughts when they think about one another. 

_It's definitely love._


	26. Assumptions

"Make sure to follow Midori's directions completely Y/N." Your grandmother nags you on the phone first thing in the morning. She's repeated this sentence the entire phone call.

"I will grandma. Don't worry." You let out a lighthearted laughter. "I'll see you in about 8 hours." The two of you exchange goodbyes before you hang up the call. The time on your phone reads 6AM.

Your bullet train doesn't leave till 8 but you planned to leave early to pick up breakfast at the station. You roll your small suitcase over to the foyer and put on your coat before leaving your apartment to get Sakusa. While you lock your door, you hear the soft sound of someone walking down the stairs. You turn to look over in the dark to see a tall shadow.

Naturally you tense up since it's hard to see much with the small light outside of your apartment. "Sakusa?" You timidly speak up and his low voice meets your ears.

"Morning." He rolls his suitcase over to you and stands in front of you where the light shines on him. "Excited to see your grandmother?"

Nodding your head, you lead the way down the staircase. Sakusa reaches down for your suitcase and carries it down the staircase for you. You thank him with a smile despite your face mask hiding your lips.

"I think she's more excited to see you than she is about me." You giggle under your breath. "That makes me nervous." Sakusa speaks honestly while the two of you exit the apartment complex and make your way to the train station.

"That makes two of us. I'm nervous about meeting her boyfriend. I hope he's as kind as she tells me he is."

"You've never met him?" Sakusa glances over to you and you meet his eyes. The two of you wait to cross the street. "I've only heard his voice a few times and he sounds youthful. He seems like a perfectionist as well." You reach for your phone to show the text Midori's sent you. Sakusa carefully takes your phone into his hand to read the text.

"Wow. He's written very detailed directions." Sakusa then murmurs his next sentence. "I'm pretty sure Kageyama wouldn't get lost if he had these directions." Sakusa returns your phone.

"Kageyama?" You raise an eyebrow at the unfamiliar name. The two of you continue to chat with each other without any silence in between.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

8AM arrives quickly and the two of you settle into your seats after putting your luggage away. The bullet train is more crowded than usual with others also traveling to see their families for the New Year. A yawn escapes your lips when you look out of the window. Sakusa twists the cap off of his green tea to drink. 

"Do you want to eat later? I can wake you up in a few hours." Sakusa lowers the drink from his lips and twists the cap back on. You shake your head and pull the tray down from the seat in front of you. The two of you bought bento boxes to eat for breakfast. Reaching for the bag sitting on your lap, you hand Sakusa his bento box before settling yours onto the tray table. 

The bullet train doesn't leave a minute later after it's scheduled and you're on a one way trip to Hokkaido.

"This will be my first time going to Hokkaido." Sakusa initiates a conversation when he opens the lid off of his bento box. 

"Me too." You take off your face mask and smile at Sakusa. "I never had the courage to visit my grandma on my own until now. Thank you for coming along with me Sakusa."

He takes his face mask off and nods to you. "I'm glad to accompany you." The conversation briefly grows quiet when the two of you begin to eat. You eye the pickled plum that sits in the middle of your rice. Reaching for it, you raise it over to Sakusa. He doesn't question you and eats it off of your chopsticks. 

Your heart wavers but you try to remain calm. "Do you remember the time you ate off of the toothpick at the onigiri shop? Atsumu was so upset." You quietly giggle at the early memory. 

"I never understood why he was so upset. It was easier for me to just eat it than to grab it from you." Sakusa murmurs. He eats a bit of rice with his chicken. "I was surprised when you did it too." With a soft tone, you take a bite of the the shrimp tempura and follow it up with rice. 

The two of you reminisce the earlier moments in your friendship while eating and sharing your breakfast. After finishing your breakfast and having a full stomach, sleep calls out to you. But you try to fight it off. However, the silence of the bullet train makes it easier for you to give into the sleep. 

Sakusa notices Y/L/N struggle to stay awake. Her eyelids will slowly fall but she'd force herself to stay awake.

_There's still another 7 hours to go._

Sleep will definitely speed up the time but he can assume why she doesn't want to give in. She's either being considerate of him or she's afraid to fall asleep with strangers around on the train. 

"We can take turns going to sleep Y/L/N." Sakusa whispers over to her. She flutters her eyes open and turns to look at him. "Are you sure? I feel bad making you stay up..." He can easily imagine the frown under her mask. Sakusa nods his head to reassure her. "You've probably been up earlier than I have been. Get some rest." 

She doesn't put up a fight after his reassurance. Y/L/N leans her head back on the seat and her eyelids easily close. She must've been really tired to fall asleep that quickly. Sakusa sighs under his breath and smiles when he looks at her sleeping face.

He raises a pair of earbuds into his ears and entertains himself with anime on his phone. He also receives a few texts from Komori and the two reply back and forth. Two hours fly by and Sakusa startles when he feels Y/L/N's head gently fall onto his shoulder. He lowers his phone to look at her. 

_Were her lashes this long before?_

He's never really noticed until now. Her chest heaves up and down slowly. Sakusa adjusts his shoulder to give her more comfort. The sound of his loud heartbeat pounds in his eardrums. 

She looks adorable even though she's just sleeping. Y/L/N effortlessly captivates him and that makes him scared. 

_Komori is right._

He's beginning to get attached to her. He feared that it might drive Y/L/N away. 

She doesn't seem interested in love right now. Or that's what he believes.

_Is love something he's wanting right now?_

These past few months have been a memorable part of his year. Before he met Y/L/N, he lived a simplistic life. But with her here by his side, he's stepping out of the corner he's always hid in. 

Sakusa finds himself stepping out of his daily routines and at first it was scary. But, the end result makes it all worth it. He looked forward to the small chances of warmth he'd receive from Y/L/N. He anticipated the next time they'd share something together. 

Even just something as small as her resting her head on his shoulder makes him overwhelmed with emotions. The past him would've leaned her back. But the present him didn't mind it at all. 

Sakusa nervously gulps when he leans his head against hers. He freezes up before his head makes contact. 

_Will this wake her up?_

He gently rests his head on hers, a tightness in his chest. Y/L/N doesn't wiggle awake and he slowly exhales the breath he holds. Hearing the slowness in her breathing eases his nerves and a wave of exhaustion hits him at full force. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

The sound of the bullet train pulls you out of your sleep. You feel a weight above you and startle awake. But you quickly relax when you notice it's just Sakusa. His sleeping face is beside you and you blush from how close the two of you are. 

_Did you lean against him when you dozed off?_

You mentally apologize for putting Sakusa in a sticky situation. You carefully pull away and gently hold onto his head from leaning completely over. With your hand already on his head, you timidly stroke his hair. 

The last time you've seen his sleeping face was back when he had a fever. Your eyes lower down to the two moles by his eyebrow. A tempting thought crosses your mind and it surprises you. 

_You want to kiss him there._

You push the thought away, unsure where it came from. The heat in your face rises and you pull your hand back from his hair. Running your fingers through your hair, you mentally tell yourself that's not something you can do. You slide your phone out of your coat pocket to see that there's still another two hours to go until you reach Hokkaido. 

That's enough time for you to recollect yourself before Sakusa wakes up. 

Sakusa slowly opens his eyes to peek at Y/L/N's blushing face. He smiles under his mask. The gentle touch of her fingers through his hair easily woke him up but he didn't want to embarrass her. 

_Is it safe for him to assume that she may have feelings for him too?_


	27. I like someone

You stretch your legs the moment you and Sakusa step out of the bullet train with your luggage's. The air is definitely more refreshing to inhale than the one in Tokyo. No wonder your grandmother wakes up so happy each morning. The sound of the bustling city is no where to be found here.

You remove your face mask, not feeling nervous about hiding your face here.

"So, what does your grandma look like Y/L/N?" Sakusa and you both walk inside the train station to find the entrance. Midori and your grandmother should be waiting for you two at the entrance of the station. From Midori's instructions you two need to find a black sedan car with the numbers 57, 78-547.

"Hmm, I doubt she changed much in three years. She usually wears her hair up in a high bun. She's also really adorable." You fail miserably to describe your grandmother to Sakusa. Instead you tell him the car license plate.

"Is it that car right there with the guy standing outside of the driver side?" The two of you narrow your eyes over to the car. Midori is much younger than you imagined him to be. He seems to be in his late 30's compared to your grandmother who is in her 60's.

_Did your grandmother become a cougar? That's the correct term, right?_

"Uh..." You slow your steps and Sakusa notices your timid reaction. You innocently hide behind Sakusa's tall frame like a child hiding behind their parent when they see a stranger. Sakusa feels nervous from your reaction. He then sees an adorable elderly woman step out of the sedan. "Y/N! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FOR!? I SEE YOU!" For someone who's old, she runs rather quick when she sees Y/N. Her grandmother appears in front of Sakusa in a flash.

She wears a warm wide smile the moment she sees him. "Sazuki! It's so nice to meet you!"

"Sakusa." You quietly correct her but she pretends to ignore you for a second. "Midori! Come here!" She turns around and waves Midori over. He hurries to her side, sliding his phone away. "I was just about to call Y/N." He wears a gentle smile when he stands beside Y/L/N's grandmother.

"Dear, what are you doing hiding behind Sazuki for?" Your grandmother grabs your arm to pull you out from behind Sakusa. "It's Sakusa, grandma." You sheepishly correct her again.

"What are you being shy for? Did Midori's looks charm you like he has with me?" Grandmother makes a teasing joke which makes Midori and you both blush. That isn't exactly correct. You're just surprised by how large their age gap is. You don't want to judge him before knowing him so you keep your comment to yourself.

Bowing, you introduce yourself to him. "It's nice to finally meet you Midori. My grandmother's told me a lot about you."

"All good things I hope?" Midori chuckles under his breath and you meet his gentle eyes. You nod your head and introduce them to Sakusa. "This is my friend Sakusa."

Sakusa bows to the two and lowers his mask to show them a small smile. "It's an honor to meet you two. Thank you for allowing me to come visit you."

Your grandmother giggles and lightly slaps Sakusa in the arm. "No need to be so polite Sakusa. It's rare for me to see a handsome guy beside my granddaughter."

Your face instantly flushes from her words. Sakusa widens his eyes briefly, his cheeks reddening. Midori finds the two's reactions amusing. "Let me help you two with your luggage. We have an hour drive back home. Just in time for a light snack before dinner." Midori grabs the luggage away from the two and pile it into the trunk.

Your grandmother takes your hand and walks you over to the sedan. She smiles from ear to ear when she squeezes your hand. "I missed you so much Y/N. How was the ride here? Not too bad?"

The two of you continue the conversation when you settle in the back seat. Sakusa sits behind Midori while you sit behind your grandmother. "The two of us fell asleep majority of the trip here so it went by quickly." You answer her after closing the passenger door.

"It always surprises me how on time the bullet train can be." Midori enters the conversation and you nod your head. You don't know how to conversate around Midori. You don't feel any bad vibes from him so maybe you can speak freely.

"We bought the two of you some onigiri and tea incase you were hungry." Midori extends a bag to the two of you before pulling out of the parking spot. The both of you thank him. "I hope you're not tired of onigiri since you've been working at an onigiri shop, Y/N." Your grandmother speaks up when you reach into the bag. Two tuna mayo onigiri's and water bottles are in the bag. You hand Sakusa one onigiri and he quietly thanks you.

"Not at all." You smile when you unwrap the plastic from the onigiri. Grandmother moves her attention from you over to Sakusa. "So, Sakusa. What do you think about my granddaughter?" The question catches Sakusa off guard and he coughs. You hurry to untwist the water bottle cap and hand it to him.

"Grandma!" You cry out to her and she giggles wholeheartedly. Midori snickers beside her while he drives. "What?!" She mimics your cry. Sakusa mentally chuckles at how adorable their interaction is.

"Y/L/N is a kind girl." Sakusa manages to answer her after swallowing the water he's intake. She narrows her eyes on Sakusa since she's unable to look at Y/L/N. "You two are not on a first name basis yet?" Sakusa eyes Y/L/N from the corner of his eye and slowly shakes his head. Y/L/N casts her eyes down to her onigiri with pink cheeks.

Grandmother pouts. "That's no good. How are you going to progress then?"

"What are you rambling about grandma." You mutter behind her.

"I can only assume Sakusa is the reason why you can't return your feelings to Osamu, right? Didn't you say Osamu likes you? He was your first friend in Tokyo and you've mentioned how kind he is to you over the past year. I was sure he was the guy you would date."

Pursing your lips, you force yourself to finish the onigiri. Sakusa curiously looks at you, anticipating your response. "You're making things awkward..."

"Dear, don't badger Y/N too much. She's turning red." Midori attempts to help you but he only points out your blushing face. You raise your hands to face.

_It's been years since you've been teased this much._

"Y/L/N and Osamu are best friends. I don't think she wants to ruin their friendship with love." Sakusa speaks up on your behalf. "You're too kind Sakusa. Don't make excuses for Y/N." Grandmother speaks sweetly to Sakusa.

"He's not wrong though." You manage to find your voice. "Osamu and I are better off as friends. Besides..." You nibble your bottom lip and glance out the window. "I like someone else."

Sakusa tenses up when he hears Y/L/N. He lowers the onigiri from his lips to glance at her reflection in the window. "Oh?" Her grandmother wears a devilish smirk. "If it's not Osamu or Sakusa...may it be the other boy?"

_Other boy? Who could Y/L/N's grandmother be mentioning?_

"Atsumu, right? The one that annoys you a lot but he means well." Grandmother giggles at the mentioning of Atsumu. "He seems like a total playboy but I guess it makes sense if your heart was captured by the likes of him. Your grandfather was one."

"Really?" You grow curious when your grandmother mentions your late grandfather. You don't know much about him so when she brings him up, you take the chance to learn about him. The conversation steers away and Sakusa is left feeling unsettled.

The thought never occurred to him that Atsumu may be the one Y/L/N likes. It's not surprising if the one who's tried to pair Y/L/N up with other guys is ultimately the one she actually has feelings for. The two have a playful banter friendship and the two never hold back their opinions from each other. Besides the one time, Y/L/N hid her single secret which Atsumu and him both found out together.

Sakusa gets lost in his own thoughts when he recalls Christmas day. Atsumu lured her outside of the apartment and the two were together in the cold alone.

_Did they just simply have a game of tag or did they share an intimate conversation?_

Atsumu would frequently flirt with Y/L/N and she would easily shut him down. But what if those flirtatious attempts swayed her heart but she felt too ashamed to fall for something like that? She also reacted strongly when she found out he went on dates every weekend.

Sakusa's mood dampens the more he thinks. His appetite is gone and he's unaware of the current conversation in the car. Midori seems to be the only one noticing Sakusa's fallen expression while the other two are in their own conversation.

"Are you alright Sakusa? Not feeling well?" Midori looks at Sakusa from the rearview mirror. Y/L/N and her grandmother both stop their conversation to look over to him.

A worried expression forms on your face when you see the frown on Sakusa's face. He changes his expression back to his blank face and shakes his head. "I'm alright." He mutters in a low voice. The others may not know him as long as you do, but they can easily tell that he's lying.

"You're upset about the previous conversation, aren't you Sakusa?" Y/L/N's grandmother speaks bluntly which takes Sakusa back. He parts his lips slightly but not a single word escapes his lips. "Tell him Y/N."

"Tell him what?" You raise an eyebrow, glancing at the back of your grandmothers head. "Dear, let those two figure things out on their own." Midori cuts into the conversation. You glance at Sakusa who avoids your looming eyes.

_Did you say something that hurt his feelings?_

You recall the conversation and the last thing you muttered out.

_That you like someone else._

You didn't mean to let that sentence slip up but it seems to make a huge impact on Sakusa.

_Is it too bold of you to assume that Sakusa is worried that your heart wavers for someone else?_

If so...that confirms your suspicions about his feelings.

**Sakusa might like you too.**

The thought frightens you and you feel your heart pound against your chest. A quietness looms over the two of you.

The two avoid each others eyes the entire ride.


	28. Mind made up

After settling your things in the guest room, your grandmother pulls the screen door to the side. Sakusa awkwardly steps into the guest room behind her. "I hope you two can share this room. It's a small house so there's only two rooms in it. Once you settle down, head on over to the local onsen to wash up before dinner." She wears a mischievous smile and a glimmer in her eye before closing the screen door.

You exhale under your breath. You knew there was something fishy going on when you walked into the house first to find only two rooms. You glance up to Sakusa who still stands there awkwardly. The room is fairly small and there's only a single large futon on the tatami floor.

"The futon is large enough for the both of us to sleep with an invisible barrier." You muster to speak up and Sakusa nods his head. "If it makes you too uncomfortable, I can sleep in the living room." 

"No, I can't possibly let you do that." Sakusa quietly shuts your offer down. He carries his luggage over to the other side of the futon and unpacks. You grab a change of clothes and a towel before standing up to head to the onsen first. Midori pointed out the onsen during the car ride and it's a five minute walk there from your grandmothers place. 

"I'll be heading out first." You speak softly to Sakusa who's still unpacking. "Okay." His response is short but you don't ponder too much on the tone he's using. Things have been awkward since the car ride and you only hope things will ease itself back to normal after tonight. 

The weather here is much harsher than Tokyo because of the lack of buildings to cut off some of the wind. The supposedly five minute walk feels much longer when you make your way there. You stare at the onsen dumbfounded when there's two entrances.

One entrance is blue and the other is red. With no sign to what gender goes where, you assume the red one is for females. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa grabs his things together and hurries after Y/L/N to the onsen. Even though they're in the countryside, that doesn't mean there's not perverts out here. He's about to leave the house when her grandmother stops him. 

"Oh! Sakusa, today's Wednesday so the men are bathing in the red bannered onsen. Make sure to tell Y/N. Knowing her she would make the mistake and assume red is for females." Sakusa grows nervous from hearing this information. He nods his head and hurries out the house. Instead of walking there, Sakusa sprints over to the onsen. Hopefully he makes it in time before Y/L/N embarrasses herself. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

It seems like you're the only one here. Not a sound of another person is in the onsen. You lower your things down on a bench in the dressing area. It makes you nervous to bath outside but it's rare for you to be here in Hokkaido. You start to get out of your clothes and place your now dirty clothes off to the side. 

The sound of rushed footsteps makes you nervous so you quickly grab your robe to slip into. Even if it's another woman, you are much too insecure to show your naked body to them. You barely cover yourself in time when you see Sakusa. 

The two of you stare at each other with wide eyes. 

"S-Sorry!" Sakusa turns around the moment he sees your exposed shoulders. You didn't pull over your robe completely in time but thankfully everywhere else is covered. An uncomfortable silence fills the air between the two of you. "W-What are you doing in this onsen Sakusa?" You muster your words out with a shaky tone.

"Actually...this is the men's side. Your grandmother told me before I left the house and I tried to hurry over here to stop you." Sakusa shuts his eyes while he speaks up. He relaxes his shoulders a bit. He's thankful that no one else is in here when Y/L/N arrived. "Apparently on Wednesdays the men bath here. I'm assuming they switch onsens every other day."

_What?! This is the mens?!_

Your face drains at the thought that you possibly could have bumped into naked men in the changing room. The feeling of disgust covers your body. You pull your robe closer to you and feel yourself trembling. 

Sakusa notices how quiet Y/L/N's grown. He turns around carefully and notices her profusely trembling. His brows knit together and he rushes over to her side. He's careful to give her space and refrains from any physical touch. 

Scary thoughts cloud your mind and you find yourself in a dark spot. It's been a few weeks since you've had this much anxiety. Without your medicine and pack of cigarettes at your side, you're unsure how to calm yourself. 

"Y/L/N." A soft voice calls out your name multiple times. The voice sounds like they're at the end of a tunnel. You sense their hand timidly reaching towards you and you quickly shield yourself. Sakusa pulls his hand back when he sees Y/L/N defensively protect herself. He wracks his brain for a solution. 

Her mind right now isn't stable and she's close to having a panic attack. He did not expect this to happen when he told her about the onsen. 

Sakusa changes his interactions. Instead of reaching for her hand, he gently settles his hand on her head. He feels her tense from his touch. She doesn't move probably because she feels paralyzed. 

Wanting her to know that it's him, Sakusa gently strokes her hair in a comforting manner. He begins to whisper comforting words despite not knowing if this is making things worse or better. "Hey. It's me, Sakusa. I'll make sure no one lays a hand on you Y/L/N. I'll muster the courage to beat up any disgusting jerk even though the thought makes me nauseous." 

The person who's speaking to you sounds reassuring and their touch is surprisingly calming. You calm your harsh breathing and slowly look at the owner of the voice. 

_Sakusa._

His gentle black eyes are clouded with worry when he eyes you. You start to think more clearly when you see his face relax. 

_Right. Sakusa is here._

He came to tell you about the onsen switch. Your mind shut off once your thoughts ran rampant with fear but now you can think more clearly. Your body stops trembling and you apologize to Sakusa for scaring him. "Sorry for putting you in this kind of situation...and thank you for comforting me." 

His eyes soften when he sees Y/L/N's small smile. "It's alright. I kind of triggered it so it's partially my fault. I didn't know you would react like that so I apologize too."

You shake your head and Sakusa pulls his hand away from your head. "You were just telling me something super important." You reach over for your belongings. "I should head over to the other side before someone else sees us in here." 

Sakusa watches Y/L/N hurry out of the changing room and into the other one. Her anxiety attack makes him completely forget that he walked into her changing. He flushes the moment he has the time to think about it. He's hot enough without taking a soak in the onsen. 

But a bath right now sounds perfect after the long travel to get here. He strips out of his clothes and slips on a robe before walking out to the onsen. 

You hear the sound of Sakusa entering his side of the onsen while you stare at the beautiful colors of orange and pink sky. A bamboo divider divides the two separate onsens. The idea of things being less awkward between the two of you have widen now. But you muster up the courage to speak up.

"The scenery here is breathtaking." 

Sakusa faintly hears the voice of Y/L/N. He swims over to the other side where a divider blocks the two apart. His eyes flick up to the sky and he nods his head. "I never take the time to just enjoy the sky back in Tokyo." 

"Right? Things move so quickly there. But it seems like everything is standstill here in Hokkaido." You smile to yourself, mentally taking a picture of how beautiful the sunset is. The conversation falls short and Sakusa nibbles his lips. "Sorry for walking in on you earlier." 

You hear Sakusa apologize and you're reminded that he did walk in on you. You lower your entire self into the water before reemerging. Sakusa chuckles quietly from the sound. "I almost forgot about it until you brought it up." You squeak out with flushed cheeks. His quiet chuckling makes the corner of your lips curl and your heart flutter. 

"Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up then." Sakusa smirks, his eyes casting down at the water. Another silence goes by and you pick up the conversation again. 

"About the conversation in the car...did it make you upset Sakusa?" You turn to look at the bamboo divider. He remains quiet, eyes still on the water. His heart starts to race when he ponders on the question. He's used to being blunt but it seems like he's been hiding constantly from Y/L/N. 

Inhaling sharply, Sakusa parts his lips to respond. "I wouldn't say I was upset. I guess the better word would be...afraid?" 

"Afraid?" You whisper more to yourself than in response to Sakusa. He bites down on his lip hard, tasting the iron flavor of his blood. He needs to choose his words carefully here.

_Is he ready to confess his feelings like this?_

If so, he's also risking the chance of rejection. 

"The person you like...is it Atsumu?" Sakusa rewords his question. He's too much of a wuss to tell her his feelings. Seconds of her silence feels like an eternity. He hears a faint giggle behind the divider.

_Is she laughing?_

He turns around to stare at the divider between them. 

"No. It's not him or Osamu." Your eyes waver when you look at the bamboo divider. 

_It's you, Sakusa._

You don't say the next sentence aloud. It's something you want to tell him face to face. The sunset fades into a dark blue and the lights flicker on outside of the onsen. 

_If it's not them...who is it?_

Sakusa ponders on the thought. His chest tightens.

_Is it him?_

If she says it's him, he'll be overwhelmed with so many emotions. But she doesn't continue the conversation. 

"We should get back soon. My grandma is a bit impatient." You soak a few minutes longer before getting out. Sakusa hears Y/L/N disappear from the onsen behind him. He tilts his head up to look at the dark sky. 

Like the sunset a moment ago, his feelings are quickly changing. He shouldn't beat around the bush with his feelings for Y/L/N. Osamu's words repeat in his mind. 

_"_ _She's all you can think about."_

_"You want the best for her and you want to be that very person to help her become her absolute best."_

Sakusa makes up his mind. He's going to tell her everything on New Years. 

**His vulnerable emotions.**


	29. A side to cherish

The moment the two of you have been dreading is right now. After eating dinner and spending an hour with your grandmother and Midori, it's now time to sleep.

Sakusa closes the screen door behind him and he nervously eyes the futon. Even if it's big enough for the two of them, he feared that he'll roll onto her in the middle of the night. Or maybe that he secretly snores in his sleep.

"Could you turn off the light Sakusa?" You point to the light switch that's beside him. He nods his head and idles a bit before turning it off. His body language screams nervousness.

"I'm perfectly fine with sleeping in the living room." You try to offer a suggestion but Sakusa rejects the idea.

"Your grandmother wouldn't be happy that her granddaughter isn't sleeping in the guest room. I'll sleep there." Sakusa readies to turn around but you stop him. You don't want him to leave you alone in the guest room. Even if you're safe in your grandmothers house, the unfamiliar room makes you anxious.

"Wait, Sakusa." Your voice comes out as a whisper. "I'm actually too nervous to sleep alone." You nibble your bottom lip after admitting your honest feelings.

Sakusa turns around to look at Y/L/N. He notices her furrowed brows. There's no trace of a lie on her face. She must be really nervous. It makes sense. The two are in an unfamiliar place and she's slept in her apartment for the past five years.

Sakusa gives in and walks over to the other side of the futon. He lays down beside you with a short distance separating the two of you. Now you're feeling nervous for a different reason. You gaze at Sakusa who lays just across from you.

"If I do anything weird in my sleep...you're free to push me off. I also don't know if I snore or not so I'll apologize in advance." Sakusa murmurs under his breath and your lips curl into a smile. "Okay. The same goes for me too." Sakusa casts his eyes to the side, scrunching his nose slightly. "I don't think I'll have the courage to push you off of me."

"W-Why?" Your cheeks begin to heat up when you see the shy expression on Sakusa. He rolls over to hide the blush that streaks across his face. "Not telling."

You exhale and remain smiling. "Keeping secrets from me now? Alright. It's okay. I have a secret I won't tell you either." Faintly giggling, you turn your back against his. "Good night Sakusa."

He doesn't say a word but you don't take offense to it. This stubborn side of him is refreshing. You'd rather this atmosphere than an awkward one.

You slowly close your eyes to force yourself to sleep but the fluttering of your heart and the knot in your stomach stops you. It's been years since you slept with someone else. The last time must be with your mom when you were a child.

Not only are you sleeping with someone. That someone is a guy. But strangely, you feel safe knowing it's Sakusa. He must be swirling with uneasy emotions too.

This might be pressing the intense border of his phobia. Everything prior to this were only seconds of contact. Sleeping is another level.

You then recall that you two fell asleep leaning on each other in the bullet train. But this still might be a bit more intense. Your bodies can physically touch since there's nothing separating you two.

Now your thoughts are full of worry for Sakusa.

_Will he be able to sleep like this?_

You selfishly thought about your needs and not his. Maybe sleeping in the living room is a much better solution instead.

"Sakusa?" You timidly call out to him.

"Yeah?" He replies in a soft tone.

"Are you going to be okay?"

Sakusa raises an eyebrow when he hears Y/L/N's question.

_Is she possibly worried about how he's holding up?_

Of course he's mentally and emotionally a mess. He's unsure if he'll get any sleep tonight.

But he's also unsure if he'll get another moment like this. To be so close yet so far from Y/L/N. He won't have a chance like this again whenever she confesses to the person she likes. That thought alone makes him depressed. He'll have to find other ways to overcome his phobia. There's a high chance whoever she ends up with wouldn't want her around another guy.

Not only that, Sakusa is bothered by this secret she's hiding. She's probably hinting towards her feelings for this guy.

But from the process of elimination. There's only two possible answers now.

_It's either him or Komori._

He doesn't see Komori as being the one to waver her heart.

Sakusa squeezes his eyes shut. There's just too much on his mind that's stopping him from sleeping. His thoughts all disappear when he feels a gentle touch on the back of his head.

Y/L/N nervously runs her fingers through his wavy hair. "I don't know if I'm making this worse or better for you...so if you want to sleep in the living room I won't stop you. We can tell my grandmother that we felt too awkward to sleep together." You clam up after finishing your sentence. If Atsumu were here to hear you now. Feeling uncomfortable by the silence you pull your hand back. Maybe Sakusa doesn't enjoy hair strokes as much as you.

"I'm actually really flustered. But..." Sakusa rolls back to look directly at you. "It seems like you also know the right things to say and do for me too Y/L/N."

You raise your eyebrows slightly, unsure what you did. "I do?"

Sakusa nods his head. The moon sits beautifully in the middle of the sky casting a moonlit glow into the room. Y/L/N's face glows while his hides in the shadows. Something about this seems to resemble their current relationship.

To him, Y/L/N shines brighter than he ever could.

_Is this what she means when Osamu shines brighter to her?_

To him, Y/L/N is someone who's brave and strong.

She's gone through life adapting by herself after something as traumatic as her sexual assault. Something he can't ever imagine.

He feels like a crybaby compared to her. The thought of germs sends a shiver down his spine but it's something he's willing to work on. Just like Y/L/N with her physical touch.

She's probably just as nervous and frantic as he is. He's not alone with these emotions. Y/L/N who lays across from him is also conflicted with emotions.

"Just seeing you calms my anxiety." Sakusa whispers under his breath. He watches Y/L/N's eyes waver and her lips part slightly. She forms a small smile and lightheartedly giggles. "Since when have you started saying cheesy things like this Sakusa?"

He scrunches his nose slightly and stares at the futon. "I'm not sure. Is it too weird?" She shakes her head and holds her smile. "It's a new side of you that I can cherish." Her tone is sweet as honey and his heart skips in response. Sakusa slowly glances over to Y/L/N and he feels his breath hitch from the delicate smile on her face.

"We should really get some sleep. I'm sure Midori and my grandma are early risers." You close your eyes to force yourself to sleep again. This time your nerves are at ease. Sakusa gazes at Y/L/N for a brief moment before closing his eyes as well.

He empties his mind of unnecessary thoughts and focuses on the pounding of his heart.

The day of his confession is soon.


	30. Confidence boost

"Are they still asleep?" Midori whispers beside Y/N's grandmother. Her grandmother slides the screen door open just a crack.

"They're not here." Grandmother raises an eyebrow and slides the screen door completely open to show Midori.

You smirk behind the two with Sakusa beside you. Clearing your throat, you cross your arms. "And if we were in there, why would you peep on us grandma?" Your voice startles the two, they falter slightly and turn to look at you two. They eye the coat on your body. "Where did you two go off to this early in the morning?"

"We've never been here before so we took a morning walk." Sakusa answers her question. "The air is refreshing." Sakusa removes his face mask and coat. He excuses himself when he enters the room to place his coat in the closet.

You smirk directly at your grandmother. "You were trying to peep on us sleeping weren't you?" Your grandmother shrugs. "Of course. That was my plan from the beginning. You two needed a push so I granted that silent wish."

Midori awkwardly chuckles at his love. "Dear, I don't think they need any help. Time will aid them. We should get breakfast prepared." Midori takes hold of grandmothers hand and leads her to the kitchen. Your eyes cast down to their interlaced hands. You were suspicious of Midori yesterday because of the large age gap. But it seems like his love for your grandmother is genuine. You wonder how the two even met.

Sakusa quietly chuckles the moment they leave. "Your grandmother speaks her mind very often."

You step into the guest room and take your coat off. "Sometimes it's a bad thing." A giggle escapes from your lips. The lighter Osamu gifted you drops out of your coat and you lean over to pick it up. Your thumb brushes against the design. "Do you need to smoke?" Sakusa asks you from the futon. He adjusts the blankets and pillows. You flick your eyes over to him and slide the lighter back into your coat.

"No. I think I'm going to quit."

Sakusa looks surprised when he looks at Y/L/N. "Really? Is it because of Osamu's constant nagging?"

You shake your head and smile over to Sakusa. "There's someone special to me that might appreciate it more if I don't smoke."

"Your grandmother?"

Pursing your lips, you look directly at Sakusa. 

_He's the reason._

You never can tell if Sakusa was ever bothered by the fact that you smoke or not. And to not damage your health further, you want to stop. You want to see a future together with Sakusa as long as you can be alive. You freeze in your thoughts. 

_How can you think so far in the future already?_

You're assuming Sakusa will want to be with you to begin with. Frazzled by your thoughts, you cast your eyes down. "She doesn't know I smoke. So let's keep that a secret between us." You raise a finger to your lips and glance at Sakusa with a pleading expression. 

He finds Y/L/N adorable with that kind of expression. The corner of his lips curl into a smile and he nods his head.

_But if it's not her grandmother...who can make a huge impact on Y/L/N to quit her smoking habit?_

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Majority of the day the four of you spend time at home lounging and eating snacks while conversing to one another with the television on in the background. Your grandmother pulls you to her bedroom around 10PM. You step inside her room carefully and she closes the screen door behind her. 

"What are you up to now?" You cross your arms, ready to shut down whatever plan your grandmother has up her sleeve. She scoffs at you with a wide smirk. You watch her walk over to her closet. She reveals a red kimono from her closet. From the looks of it, the kimono seems to be brand new. 

She beckons you over and raises the kimono over you. A smile forms on her lips and she nods to herself. "Looks like I guessed your size correctly. Put this on Y/N."

"Wait, you want me to wear a kimono when it's freezing cold out?" You shiver from the thought. The plan is to head to the temple before midnight to give your prayers and then to return back to eat the first meal of the New Years before heading to bed. Your grandmother didn't mention the kimono part. 

"I'll be wearing one too. If my old bones can handle the cold, your young bones can too." Grandmother lightly slaps your arm and hands you the kimono. She pulls out a fluffy white scarf and hands it to you. "Put this on too." 

You take the scarf from her and nod your head. She seems adamant about this so you don't put up a fight. Your grandmother is about to leave the room for you to change but you call out to her. "W-Wait. Can you help me put this on? I don't really know how." Your mother was the one who'd helped you in the earlier years. 

A smile forms on your grandmothers face when she hears your question. She closes the screen door and nods her head. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa awkwardly sits in the living room with Midori. He mentally prays Y/L/N will come back soon before he dies from this awkwardness. He pretends to watch the television but he's not exactly entertained with whatever is on the screen. The thought of pulling his phone out crosses his mind but he didn't want to appear rude in front of Midori.

"Sakusa." Midori calls out his name but keeps his eyes on the television screen. Sakusa turns his head slightly to look at Midori. The two sitting beside each other on the sofa. 

"Yes, sir?" Sakusa speaks stiffly. He slides his hands into his pockets to clench them. 

"You don't have to be so stiff when speaking to me." Midori chuckles when he notices how tense Sakusa looks. He lightly pats Sakusa's shoulders. "I'm just curious about something. How long have you been friends with Y/N?" 

Sakusa presses his lips together and slowly parts them to answer. "Roughly four to five months. We haven't been friends for long yet." Midori nods his head as he listens to Sakusa. "Has she told you about her past?" Sakusa lowers his eyes to his lap and nods his head, a frown etching onto his face. 

"Do you love her any less because of it?" 

Sakusa flicks his eyes over to Midori with a stern look. "Of course not. It's actually the opposite. I want to provide her with the kind of love that gives her comfort. I want her to feel safe when she's with me." 

Midori chuckles and grins when he looks at Sakusa. "You don't need to look at me with such a scary expression Sakusa. I was only trying to pull out your feelings that you've bottled up. So you do love her?"

Sakusa realizes the position he's in and his face instantly heats up. He raises a hand to cover his eyes. He easily fell into Midori's trick. He's very similar to Y/L/N's grandmother in that aspect. 

"When do you plan to tell her? The longer you wait, the more difficult things will get. Especially since there's someone else who's wavering her." Midori speaks calmly. This kind of conversation is probably what Sakusa needed the most. He's unable to talk about his feelings like this with his other friends. Since Y/L/N and him share the same group of friends. 

"I planned to tell her tonight after the temple visit. But, I'm worried." Sakusa bites down on his bottom lip with wavering eyes. "She's interested in someone. What if that someone isn't me? I just don't feel confident about tonight's confession." He lowers his hand away from his eyes and feels a comforting squeeze on his shoulder from Midori. 

He's unable to tell Midori about his germaphobia at a moment like this. But surprisingly, it doesn't bother him that much. "It's better to try than to not try at all Sakusa. Worse case scenario, you get rejected but still remain friends. Best case scenario, she feels the same way. I'm leaning towards the latter." 

Hearing this from Midori gives Sakusa a pulse of courage. He's only met Midori for two days and if he sees a connection between him and Y/L/N as a third party...it must mean something. Feeling more confident, Sakusa thanks Midori for the conversation. 

"Close your eyes you two!" The voice of Y/L/N's grandmother echoes from the hallway. Midori closes his eyes and Sakusa follows suit. You timidly follow after your grandmother, grabbing onto the hem of her sleeve. The kimono is tight fitted in certain areas which makes you feel insecure. You're unsure how Sakusa will react when he sees you. 

"Alright, you can open your eyes now." Your grandmother steps to the side to push you gently in front of Sakusa. Midori wears a loving smile when he sees your grandmother in her kimono. He's already showering her with compliments as he stands up to kiss her forehead. 

Your face heats up with how intimate the two are. Sakusa holds in his breath when he looks at the kimono that lays beautifully on Y/L/N.

_So this is the reason her grandmother pulled her away._

You shyly meet Sakusa's eyes with a blush across your face. You anticipate Sakusa's choice of words but he remains speechless. 

"How does she look Sakusa? Beautiful? Sexy even?" Your grandmother breaks the silence between you two with her nonchalant words. Your jaw drops slightly from her choice of words. 

"Grandma! You've been embarrassing me too much." You cry out, hiding your face with your hands. Sakusa nervously stands up and reaches for your hands. Your heart skips when you feel the slight warmth of Sakusa's fingers prying your hands away. He forms a small smile when you meet his eyes. "You look like a princess Y/L/N. I think this suits you more than the dress from Halloween." He pulls his hands away from yours when he lowers your hands to your sides. 

"Do you mean it? Or are you saying that because Osamu bought that dress for me?" You lighten your nervousness with a tease. Sakusa chuckles dryly, casting his eyes to the side. 

"Both." He answers honestly. 

"Well, we can't look like bums next to these two Sakusa. I'm sure I have a spare kimono for you to wear. Let's go see what we can find in the closet." Midori calls over to Sakusa. Sakusa looks surprised when he's told he'll be wearing one as well. He excuses himself from your side to hurry after Midori. 

The moment he leaves, you raise a hand over to your cheeks to feel the heat. Your grandmother wears a Cheshire like smile when she looks at you. "He called you a princess, Y/N." She speaks in a sing-song tune. 

"Stop it..." You squeak out with a smile forming on your face. 


	31. It's you and only you.

"You're not cold?" Sakusa whispers beside you.

The two of you follow behind your grandmother and Midori along with the neighboring neighbors to the temple.

"Just a bit. But this scarf is keeping my neck and face warm at least." You form a small smile when you look over to Sakusa. He looks charming and mature in the kimono Midori's found for him. The dark gray and black combination matches him perfectly.

"It's a totally different vibe when we're walking in the middle of the night compared to earlier this morning." You continue the conversation. Sakusa nods his head and looks around him. There's barely any streetlights in the countryside. He lowers his eyes to the paper lantern. His phones flashlight most likely outshines this. The quiet of the night starts to sound bountiful with voices when they reach the main entrance of the small temple.

A few food stalls line up the sides. It's a beautiful sight to see a lit up area in the middle of complete darkness. Sakusa looks down at his watch for the time.

**It's nearing midnight.**

_If he wants to confess, he'll have to do it soon._

"Should we go pray before it gets too crowded in the temple?" Sakusa tilts his head towards the temple. "Sure. Let's tell my grandma before we do."

You walk over to your grandmother and tell her you'll be inside the temple. She nods her head. "We can all regroup at home. I'll be around here talking to everyone and I'm sure you don't want to idle around here for me."

"I'll see you back at the house then." You wave goodbye and flash a quick smile before rejoining Sakusa. The two of you make your way inside the temple after Sakusa hands his lantern over to Midori. A few groups of two are inside silently praying.

You and Sakusa find an empty spot in the corner to give your respects. Closing your eyes and folding your hands together, you wish for everyone's health. You also wish for love for the first time in years.

After finishing your prayers, you flutter your eyes open. Sakusa wears a serious face when he's praying. You wonder what his wish must be. He opens his eyes shortly after and startles when he sees you smiling at him.

"That looks like a really big wish." You quietly giggle at him. He scrunches his nose and casts his eyes down to the wooden floor. "Let's light some incenses before we leave." You walk over to the front and grab two incenses, lighting it up and handing one to Sakusa.

The two of you bow in front of the mantle before placing the incense in the pot. A crowd starts to form inside and you hear the sound of fireworks explode into the night sky. It must've just hit 12AM. You turn to look over at Sakusa. "Happy New Year Sakusa." The corner of your lips form a smile and Sakusa returns your smile with a gentle one. Seeing him smiling more often lately makes your heart skip.

"Happy New Year Y/L/N." His low warm voice sends a chill down your spine while the two of you hold eye contact. The faint glow of the fireworks cast on his face beautifully. "Should we head back?"

You notice large groups making their way inside the temple. This large of a crowd will definitely make Sakusa uncomfortable. "Yeah, let's head back."

Sakusa leads the way and you follow right beside him. He takes his phone out of his waistband and turns on the flashlight. The fireworks are beautiful but they don't work well as a light source to find their way home.

He can hear his heartbeat pounding in his eardrum while Y/L/N walks beside him. Her eyes sparkle while she watches the fireworks that are lit in different parts of the countryside.

"They're not as big and dramatic as the one in Tokyo, but the fireworks are still so beautiful to see." Your smile widens with each exploding firework.

"How did you celebrate last year?" Sakusa keeps up the conversation. Your smile droops a bit when you relax your shoulders. "I stayed home alone. But, my upstairs neighbors seemed to have a lot of fun with their sparklers on their balcony."

"Your neighbors..." Sakusa grows quiet when he recalls Komori begging Sakusa to leave his room to light up sparklers with him. His face reddens from the memory.

You snicker when you see Sakusa's reaction. Despite how dark it is, you're sure you can see the redness of his face. "Komori couldn't contain his excitement. It actually made me feel less lonely when I heard his laughter." Sakusa glances over to Y/L/N, her eyes look forward out into the distance.

You forget the coldness for a moment when you think back on old memories. Last year started off horrible but at the end of it, you've made new friends. Sakusa being one of them.

"Sakusa." You call out his name, seeing your grandmothers house in view. "Yeah?" Sakusa speaks just as softly as you. His voice seems shaky.

"I'm really glad you're here with me." The two of you slow your steps when you reach the front of the house. Sakusa opens the door for you to step inside first. He purses his lips, unsure how to respond. His racing heart is distracting him. "Should we watch the fireworks from our room?" You ask him.

Sakusa nods his head and follows behind you. The house is extremely quiet without your grandmothers boasting. Pushing the screen door to the side, you walk into the guest room and sit in front of the large two window frame that reveals the backyard.

You feel a blanket drape over you and look up to see Sakusa. He sits beside you and pulls the other end of the blanket over him.

You pull your knees to your chest and a comfortable silence looms over you both. Sakusa clams up. His palms are sweaty and his eyes waver while he watches the fireworks.

**Now is the perfect time for him to bring up his emotions.**

But fear consumes his confidence. He's never been this nervous before. Besides the few times he's anticipating a volleyball match.

A poke to his cheek pulls him out of his hurricane of thoughts. He casts his eyes to the side to see Y/L/N with a worried look. "You're trembling Sakusa. Should I go turn on the heater?"

_He's trembling?_

Sakusa lowers his eyes to his hands and they tremble before him. "No, it's alright."

Y/L/N purses her lips, not feeling reassured by his answer. He watches her lower her knees from her chest. Panicked, he speaks up. "I'm...actually trembling because I'm scared." She raises her eyebrow, tilting her head to the side.

**God, she looks so cute.**

"Scared? What's scaring you? Is it the fireworks?" She glances over to the last exploding firework. Right on queue the fireworks end.

Sakusa bites his inner cheek. "Something much more louder than fireworks." He places a hand over his heart. She narrows her eyes down to his chest. "You can't hear it but it's very clear in my ear."

You silently listen to Sakusa speak. The color on his face pales when he continues. A tingle runs down your spine and you start to grow nervous.

_Is this what you're thinking it is?_

"Someone wise told me it's better to try than to not try at all. So, I'm going to try." Sakusa inhales deeply, balling a fist with his hand. He turns to look at you directly. The two of you share eye contact.

"Will you hear me out Y/L/N?" His voice feels strained. You answer him with a nod. The tightness in your chest begins to form. He relaxes his shoulders slightly and looks down at his lap.

"I'm not exactly sure when it started. Maybe from the very beginning when you assumed I was going to be like Atsumu." His brows furrow together from the mention of Atsumu. "Or maybe how you appeared so mysterious and tried to do everything yourself."

Sakusa pauses before continuing. "Whatever it was. You silently captivated me before I knew it. It became a routine for me to see you on Wednesdays. But it began to not be enough for me." He bites his lower lip and exhales deeply. His slender fingers run through his wavy black hair.

"You started to cloud my mind and I was constantly wondering if you were okay. I wondered if you needed company in that lonely apartment of yours." He raises his head and nervously meets Y/L/N's eyes again. "Out of nowhere, my feelings for you began to take charge. And I think it's much more than the term like." Sakusa holds back his next sentence when he sees the tears trickle down Y/L/N's face. 

His emotions react to Y/L/N tears with tears of his own. He feels absolutely pathetic and vulnerable but he pushes forward. "I love you Y/N and it makes me scared." His lips quiver and he frowns. He closes his eyes and he quietly sobs. "Is it selfish of me to confess my feelings to you when I know your heart is wavering for someone else? I didn't want to bottle these feelings up any longer." 

A warmth brushes against his face. The touch is gentle and timid. Sakusa slowly flutters his eyes open to see Y/L/N wiping his tears away. "That someone is you Kiyoomi." You feel awkward saying Sakusa's first name. But you were moved by his confession when he called you on a first name basis. Sniffling, you smile at him. 

"The person who's wavered my heart is you. You are the special person that I want to quit smoking for. You're the person who gives me hope that it is possible for me to love and be loved despite my trauma. You've been the shoulder I could lean on and the ear that I could rant to." You slow your words when you realize you're starting to ramble. 

"You're the one I want by my side during my loneliest nights, Kiyoomi. It's you and only you." You feel a weight off your chest when you confess the thoughts that have been held back. The flutter of your heart is nonstop and the tears slowly dry up. 

Sakusa looks at Y/L/N in disbelief. He's unsure if he's heard her correctly. 

He lowers his face, resting his forehead on hers. "I'm the one?" 

A smile forms on your face and you release a soft giggle. "You're the one." His eyes soften in front of you and he drags out an exhale. He looks exhausted and relieved all at once. Sakusa carefully raises one hand behind your head while he rubs his forehead against yours. Sniffling, he whispers. "I'm so glad."

"Love is scary, isn't it?" You whisper with a sigh. You grab hold of Sakusa's other hand to rest against your chest where your heart is wildly beating. Sakusa pulls away briefly from the shock but he gently rests his hand back onto your chest. His other hand slowly strokes your hair. 

He dryly chuckles under his breath. "Seems like your heart is racing just as quickly as mine." Sakusa pulls his hand away from your chest and head. You point to his chest, silently asking if you can feel his heartbeat. He turns sideways to give you more room but he's surprised when you rest your ear against his chest. His heartbeat races quicker. 

You pull away with blushing cheeks. Sakusa's face is a reflection of yours. The two of you avert your eyes from one another with redden faces. 

"Is this the part where we kiss?" Sakusa nervously asks. The thought makes the two of you too nervous. "Maybe it's too much for the both of us?" You ask him when you return your gaze to Sakusa. He nods shyly. 

"Can I kiss you on your forehead instead?" You shyly ask him. Sakusa freezes up at the thought of a kiss from Y/L/N. He looks at her lips and gulps. Too shy to answer her directly, Sakusa leans forward and closes his eyes. 

You smile at how adorable Sakusa is being. Inhaling deeply before exhaling, you lean forward and press your lips against his forehead. 

You squeeze your hands to rid the anxiety. This time the anxiety isn't triggered by dark thoughts. Sakusa tenses a bit from the unfamiliar feeling. But, he wanted more.

"Again..." Sakusa shamefully whispers out. Your eyes widen briefly before you snicker. 

Your heart skips again when you press a kiss to Sakusa's forehead. The corner of his lips curl into a smile and he slowly opens his eyes. He feels like a child getting giddy over something like this. As an adult, he feels embarrassed that this is making him so excited. They're not even kissing each other on the lips. Yet, this is a perfect pace for them. 

Sakusa leans forward and without a word, kisses you on your forehead. Your breath hitches when you feel his lips on your skin. It feels like he's erasing your thoughts momentarily. The butterflies in your stomach flutter. Sakusa kisses your forehead again without you needing to ask him. 

"I'm surprised I'm not feeling nauseous right now." Sakusa lightens the fragile mood with a playful joke. The two of you lightheartedly laugh in the dark room.

"You're making a lot of progress Kiyoomi." You smile at him with adoration. He blushes and nods his head from your compliment. Extending his hand, he tucks a few stray hairs behind your ear. "So are you Y/N." 

"Now that we know our feelings are mutual...is it safe to say that I'm your girlfriend now?" You nervously ask Sakusa. You just want to clarify this now since your emotions have calmed down. "Yes. Yes, you are." Sakusa speaks in an adamant tone to your question. 

"So, you won't get mad if I amp up the physical touch?" You nibble your bottom lip, feeling embarrassed for saying that out loud. You've always been hesitant of being touched but that's not the case when you think about Sakusa being the one who's touching you. 

Sakusa flushes red from your question. He parts his lips slightly, unable to answer. "Push me off if you don't like this." You mutter out while you wrap your arms around his waist, enveloping him in a hug. A jolt of shock runs through your body but you bare with it. Your arms tighten around Sakusa as you selfishly feel his warmth. 

"You know I won't push you away from me." Sakusa huskily speaks beside your ear. He exhales and carefully wraps his arms around your back. The two of you embrace one another like this without the urgency to let each other go. 

The truth is, neither of them actually wanted to let go. 


	32. Welcome home

The two of you reluctantly release each other to get changed into something more comfortable before your grandmother and Midori return. When you return from the bathroom, you notice Sakusa sitting on the futon in a daze.

His eyes are distant as he looks at nothing specific outside.

_Is he processing everything?_

A smile perks on your lips when you gaze at him. This does all feel like a dream.

You quietly sit beside him and he doesn't seem to notice yet. Pursing your lips, you wonder how you can get his attention. A blush streaks your face when your thoughts instantly think of doing something physical.

**Who are you?**

You swallow the saliva that builds up in your throat. Now you're too nervous to make a move. A hand timidly extends towards your cheek. Sakusa turns your face to him and you stare at his wavering eyes. His soft lips kiss your forehead. Taken aback, your hands fly towards your face to hide the shocked look.

"Feels pretty real..." Sakusa speaks more to himself than to you.

_Did he kiss you to make sure this isn't a dream?_

It's funny how similar your thoughts can be at times.

You pull your hands away and shyly glance at him. His eyes soften when he sees the blush across your face. Digging your fingernails into your palm, you lean up to kiss the two moles by his eyebrow.

Sakusa's breath hitches and he's the one to blush now. "Of course this is real Kiyoomi." You lean back and pinch his cheek slightly, a soft giggle escaping your lips.

"Y/N! Sakusa! We're back!" The voice of your grandmother pulls your attention away from each other. Sakusa and you both stand up to leave the guest room. You feel a hand brush against the back of yours. Glancing up to Sakusa, you see him nibble his bottom lip.

"Hand." He sheepishly asks for your hand.

_He's too adorable for words._

You slowly reach for his large hand and he laces his fingers with yours. Sakusa takes the lead and you both exit the guest room.

Midori and Y/N's grandmother settle their things down by the foyer and make their way to the kitchen. They stop short from their destination when they see Y/N's and Sakusa's laced hands.

A gasp escapes from your grandmother and she claps excitedly. "Plan success!" She smiles widely at Midori who nods his head.

_Plan success? Did these two purposely come home later for you two to confess to each other?_

Sakusa lowers his eyes, a smile on his face. "I decided to try after all Midori. Thank you for giving me advice."

Midori waves a hand in front of him. "No need to thank me Sakusa. Can we both assume that your feelings are mutual?"

Your grandmother eyes you with a mischievous smirk. Casting your eyes to the right, you nod your head along with Sakusa. Your grandmother doesn't waste a second to envelope the two of you into a tight hug. Her arms are too short to wrap around the two of you.

"G-Grandma, you're going to make Kiyoomi uncomfortable with your friendliness." You squeak out. Midori joins the hug, not wanting to feel left out. "It's alright Y/N." Sakusa glances over to you, chuckling. "I'll make an exception for them since their your family."

Midori and your grandmother release their hold on the two of you. "Exception?" Grandmother raises an eyebrow and makes her way to the kitchen. Midori follows after her and the two of you settle down in the dining room.

"I have a mild phobia of germs." Sakusa gives your hand a squeeze under the table. "But, Y/N has been helping me get over it." Midori grins when he notices the change in names. He whispers over to Y/N's grandmother. "They're on a first name basis now."

"Oh? You should've told us from the start Sakusa! And..." A smirk forms on grandmothers face when she eyes the both of you at the dining table. "First name basis now?" She snickers. "This year is already starting off wonderfully!"

Midori and grandmother join the two of you at the dining table with bowls of soup and special bento boxes made for the New Year.

"You have a week before going back to work, right Y/N? What do you plan to do after you leave tomorrow?" Grandmother asks while reaching into the bento box for a lotus root. You lower the soup you are drinking and glance over to Sakusa. "I'm not sure. Maybe I'll just stay at home? Tokyo's going to be crowded for the first few days with shoppers."

"Staying at home is enjoyable with the right company." Midori speaks more directly to Sakusa who's quietly munching on a potato tempura. His cheeks turn a rosy pink when he sneaks a glance over to you.

"What are you two doing?" You change the topic to save Sakusa. Your grandmother smirks at your quick change in topic. "The neighbors and us are going on a camping trip together."

_Camping? In the middle of winter?_

Your grandmother is definitely not your average elderly. The thought of camping out here in Hokkaido makes you involuntarily shiver.

"Are you cold?" Sakusa lowers his chopsticks, furrowed brows on his face. His kindness warms your heart and you wave a hand in front of you.

Midori and grandmother share a smile when they look at the two. "Let's finish eating so you two can get some rest before your trip back in the morning."

The two nod their head and continue to make a small dent in the bento box.

You wonder if the four of you can finish this before heading to bed. There's two other layers that have yet to be touched.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

The trip back from Hokkaido left you feeling bittersweet. You missed your grandmother already. Even though you didn't spend much time with Midori, you missed him too.

You stop rolling your luggage when you reach the front of your door. "Is Komori home to see you back?" You insert the apartment key inside the slot, turning it to unlock the door. Sakusa scratches the back of his head. "He's with his parents until the 3rd."

_Oh? Does that mean Sakusa will be alone in his apartment too?_

The thought saddens you. You turn to look at Sakusa, nibbling your bottom lip. He casts his eyes down, gulping.

"Can I stay with you until then?" Sakusa musters up the strength to ask the question that's been looming his mind since earlier this morning.

A blush streaks your face and you dryly giggle. "I was actually going to ask you to stay here with me. Let's go in Kiyoomi." Lifting your luggage off the ground, you enter the apartment first. Sakusa follows after you and closes the door behind him. You take your shoes off and glance to your side at Sakusa.

"Welcome home, Kiyoomi."

Sakusa stops in the middle of taking his shoes off to look at Y/N with widen eyes. He was always the one to greet her. But hearing her greet him like this makes his heart flutter.

You watch his cheeks redden and he clears his throat. You caught him off guard and he's speechless in response.

He extends a hand towards your cheek, pulling your face close to him. You part your lips slightly.

_What is he planning to do?_

"Welcome home, Y/N." Sakusa wears a delicate smile on his lips. He then kisses your forehead. The simple action causes you to melt in his palm. You're sure he can feel the heat emanating from your cheeks.

If this is the kind of greeting you can expect from Sakusa when you come home, you wouldn't hesitate to move in together. But that's rushing it.

For now you'll enjoy things as they come.


	33. Possibly clingy

"Do you want to take a bath Kiyoomi? I'll run the water for you." You call out to him from your bedroom after unpacking your belongings. Sakusa smiles at his painting that hangs by the door. He holds a cup of hot chocolate in his hand and extends it to you when you walk into the living room.

Neither of you had the time to bath last night so you're positive that Sakusa is dying for a bath. A smile forms on your lips when you take the cup from him, thanking him before taking a sip.

"I'll grab a few of my clothes from upstairs." Sakusa slides on his shoes and coat before exiting the apartment. You walk over to the bathroom and place the bathtub drain stopper in the tub before running the hot water. Your eyes lower back to the hot chocolate in your hand.

**This is really happening. Sakusa and you are a couple.**

The idea seems like a fantasy and it still hasn't fully hit you yet. The reality of it might come crashing when the two of you tell the others about the news.

A pit grows in your stomach when you think about Osamu. Your face falls at the thought of how he'll react when he hears the news. You snap out of your thoughts when you hear the front door open. Now's not the time to look so depressed. Sakusa will only grow worried and if he finds out you're thinking about Osamu, he's most likely not going to like it.

Sakusa walks over to the bathroom with his towel and a change of clothes. The tub is currently halfway filled when he sits beside Y/N on the edge of the tub. His slender finger pokes her forehead.

"Were you sulking while I was gone?" Sakusa murmurs.

Your eyes widen briefly and you drink the hot chocolate to avoid answering his question. He dryly chuckles beside you and extends his arm out to place his things on the sink counter. A comfortable silence falls between the two of you with the sound of the rushing water behind you.

Sakusa carefully runs his fingers through Y/N's hair to grab her attention. A gentle smile rests on his lips when he gazes at her. "It's becoming natural for me to do something like this. My heart still skips like crazy but, I hope I can find the strength to do something more than just stroke your hair, hold your hand, and hug you."

"You've held my face and kissed my forehead too. Don't forget that." You comment with a smile. He lightheartedly chuckles and nods his head. "That's true."

"I should be the one complaining. You've taken the lead several times." You murmur under your breath. Feeling the bathroom heat up, you turn around to turn off the running water. Before standing yourself up to leave the bathroom, you turn to look at Sakusa.

Pursing your lips with wavering eyes, you allow your body to move on it's own. "I'm going to give into my urges if that's alright with you Kiyoomi."

He flushes from your statement. "Urges?" He speaks in a dry tone, lips slightly parted. You answer him with a silent nod before kissing the corner of his lip.

**The action is dangerous and thrilling all at once.**

You hear and feel the faint breath Sakusa inhales sharply. His insides flip several times when he sees how close Y/N is to him. Her soft plush lips trembled when she met contact with his skin. His mind is unable to function from how bold Y/N is being. This new side of her is making him feel all types of new emotions. She stands up and turns around to not let him see her redden face.

"I'll be in my bedroom." She squeaks out before rushing out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Sakusa slowly exhales his held breath. He raises a hand over his rapid heart.

Sakusa needs to keep his guard up now. He'll never know when Y/N will surprise him like that again. If she does it again next time— the thought of kissing her back crosses his mind.

"Agh." Sakusa hides his blushing face in his palms. His thoughts feel dirty and he's embarrassed at himself.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

After the two of you finish taking your baths, you both decide whether you should order takeout or head out to the supermarket. Just hearing the constant car honks from inside the apartment drains you. "Sounds like it's hectic out there." Sakusa speaks beside you while he flips through the different channels on the television.

"I guess we should order takeout for today. We can head to the supermarket first thing tomorrow." Your eyes scan your phone screen at the several restaurants that are currently delivering. Sakusa slowly leans over to peer at your screen. His finger points to a ramen restaurant. "Should we eat from here again?"

A small smile forms on your lips when Sakusa recalls the first meal you two shared alone in your apartment. "You remembered the day we ordered from here?"

Sakusa forms a smile of his own and nods. "How can I not? You invited me over that day so we could know each other better." He lowers the remote down onto the coffee table. "But now that I'm realizing it...you shouldn't easily invite guys over to your place Y/N."

"Hm? But, I know you aren't the kind of guy that would've taken advantage of the situation." You raise an eyebrow and pull your eyes away from your phone screen.

Sakusa innocently scrunches his nose and the tip of his ears redden. "That's true but..." He nibbles his bottom lip. Risky thoughts invade him and he's starting to feel like he's Atsumu. He readies himself to push the thoughts away but he recalls Y/N's boldness in the bathroom earlier.

Psyching himself up, he exhales slowly. Y/N tilts her head from his behavior. "What's on your mind Kiyoomi?"

He extends a hand and gently holds her chin. "I'm not that innocent you know. I'm still a guy Y/N." Sakusa tries to sound intimidating but his voice cracks on him. His confidence quickly shatters and he mumbles out an apology when he releases his hold on her chin.

Seeing Sakusa attempt to intimidate you makes you giggle and your heart pounds against your chest. "You're not that innocent? How so? Are you telling me you've had a girlfriend before that you've been intimate with?" He flushes from your question and shakes his head. "No. The past me would gag at the thought."

"What about the present you?" You gently poke Sakusa on his side.

He gulps and clears his throat before turning his attention over to you. "The present me?" His voice becomes a soft whisper when he speaks. "The present me wouldn't push you off if you decide to latch onto me. I actually hope one day we can comfortably embrace one another for long periods of time."

_'I also want to push the boundaries a little more.'_

Is what he'd like to also say. But he's much too shy to say it right now.

You smirk from his response, feeling a warmth spread in your chest.

_Sakusa's thoughts are adorable._

"Are you sure you want that? I might not let go."

"That's okay. I know I won't let you go. So if you're not either, it works out." Sakusa answers curtly with a playful smirk on his face. This new expression makes your heart waver. The two of you share a lighthearted laughter.

This clingy side of Sakusa is taking you by surprise. Who would've thought a guy who's afraid of germs is the one wanting to have all this physical contact. You feel proud of Sakusa for getting over his phobia slowly but surely.

In turn, Sakusa is grateful that Y/N is lowering her guard for him. She's not afraid of his touch. Despite her not feeling like she's making more progress than he is, she definitely is overcoming her own fears bit by bit.


	34. Sweet dreams

Night has fallen quickly after lounging around in the apartment and you're in your bedroom adjusting the blanket. Sakusa shyly peeps around the corner of your bedroom door and clears his throat. You glance up from where you stand to look at him.

"About my sleeping arrangement..." Sakusa mumbles under his breath. His coy behavior makes you giggle under your breath. He stands up straight and walks into your bedroom. The faint glow of the lamp on your nightstand is the only source of light in the room. The warm colors splash on Sakusa's face when he stands before you.

"You're free to sleep in here if you want Kiyoomi." You cast your hand over to the bed. He looks at the bed from the corner of his eye. Lowering his head, he purses his lips. "We shared a futon for three days so..." The only difference between the futon and the bed is that this is your bed. The very bed you've slept on for years. It feels more personal and intimate if Sakusa sleeps here.

Realizing what you've blurted out, you awkwardly clear your throat. A blush streaks across your face and you turn around to hide your face from Sakusa. You pretend to straighten out the blanket.

"Is it okay if I do?" Sakusa sheepishly speaks behind you. "It's embarrassing for me to admit but...I'm already getting used to having you beside me when I sleep and wake up." His slender fingers run through his wavy black hair and his bangs fall against his forehead.

Hearing him say that makes a smile form on your lips. Turning around, you timidly grab his hand and sit him down on the right side of the bed. "Let's get some sleep. We've been up for awhile." You walk over to the left side of your bed and the two of you lay underneath the blanket. Sakusa turns off your lamp and the darkness envelopes the bedroom.

You hear the sound of your heartbeat in your eardrums. The bed is much smaller than the futon so you feel the slight graze of Sakusa's back against yours.

**There's no way you can sleep tonight.**

You wonder if Sakusa can hear your heartbeat with how loud it rings in your ears. Or maybe his heart is just as wild as yours.

Quietly, you roll over to stare at his broad back. His arms are close to his chest and it seems like he's balling himself together.

Sakusa is definitely nervous too.

You always find comfort when he runs his fingers through your hair. Raising your hand up towards his head, you slowly run your fingers through his wavy locks.

You watch Sakusa loosen up his scrunched shoulders and bent knees. "I'm nervous too Kiyoomi." Your voice softly fills the silent bedroom. Sakusa rolls over to look at you when he hears your voice. His large hand takes hold of your extended one. "We're acting like children who're finding out about love for the first time." Sakusa dryly chuckles.

"We are in a way. I'm sure there are adults out there who are finding love for the first time just like us." You pout slightly from the realization that you're probably years behind others that are your age. You're a virgin at the age of 20, nearing 21.

Sakusa pulls you out of your thoughts when you feel your palm rest against his cheek. He closes his eyes with a gentle smile. "I'm glad you're the one I'm having my firsts with." His deep low voice sends a shiver down your spine and your heart flutters easily.

Your palm trembles slightly on his cheek and your breathing is sharp. Sakusa speaks so freely and again his words affect you in a positive way. "Me too. I'm glad you're the one I can share my firsts with."

Sakusa flutters his eyes open to look at you. You flash him a sweet smile, stroking his cheek. His face reddens and he buries it into the pillow after releasing his hold on your hand. "You say such cute things Y/N." His voice is muffled into your pillowcase.

"You do too." A giggle slips from your lips. The nervousness from earlier dissipates and the two of you are back to normal. Sakusa pulls his face away from the pillow to look into your eyes. He seems to mentally take note of every detail on your face and you grow shy from his long stare. You're the one to break eye contact first.

"Y/N." Sakusa huskily calls out to you. His voice sounds like it's right by your ear with how close the two of you are. You hesitantly return your attention to him. His brows are furrowed and he's pursing his lips, a troubled expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" You whisper.

"I'm getting thoughts like Atsumu and it's frustrating me mentally." Sakusa exhales, he pinches his nose bridge.

"What kind of thoughts?" You hesitantly ask. But you soon realize that you shouldn't have pried that information out.

_What other thoughts could fluster Sakusa like this other than something intimate._

He clenches his teeth, not wanting to speak of the dirty thoughts he has. He despises anything dirty and yet here he is. It probably doesn't help that the two are laying next to one another in Y/N's bed.

**In the dark.**

**Together.**

**Alone.**

**In Y/N's apartment.**

The soft feeling of Y/N's lips on his forehead clears his thoughts away. He gulps in response.

"Whenever you kiss my forehead, my thoughts seem to disappear. Does it work for you too?" You pull your lips away to look at Sakusa. He nods his head with parted lips. "Now you can get some sleep, right? Hopefully Atsumu won't be the one in your dreams tonight." You lighten the mood with a joke.

Sakusa involuntarily shivers at the thought. "Gross."

A smile forms on both of your faces. Sakusa laces his hand with yours and closes his eyes. "Sweet dreams Y/N."

"Sweet dreams Kiyoomi." You whisper a reply after admiring his face before closing your eyes to drift into sleep.


	35. Sudden encounter

"Did we really have to come out today?" Atsumu groans into his scarf. "Mom needs a few things for lunch and dinner. Don't complain unless you don't want to eat." Osamu grabs a basket from the front of the grocery store.

Surprisingly the grocery store is less crowded than the two expected. Majority of the foot traffic is outside towards the shopping districts.

Osamu grabs his phone out of his pocket. He pulls open the list of grocery items his mom texted him. Atsumu wanders off to the snack aisle with his own basket.

With Atsumu gone, Osamu starts to look for the ingredients on the list. His thoughts stray away from his task when he wonders how Y/N is. The two only texted each other happy new year and nothing more.

He wonders how her trip to her grandmothers gone. Osamu mentally reminds himself to give her a call to ask her while placing a pack of ramen in his basket. He then makes his way towards the fresh produce.

Atsumu scans the shelves of snacks with a grumbling stomach. He'll be spending a week at his parents house with no plans. Which means a week of stuffing his face without a care.

"This one seems interesting. Fried sweet tomato flavored chips." A girls voice speaks a few feet away from him. "Hm...it's a bit weird." A low voice replies back to her.

Atsumu raises a brow when he listens to their conversation. Their voices sound strangely familiar but by the time he turns to look at them, their backs face him.

"You're not a fan of unordinary flavored chips Kiyoomi? I sometimes buy strange combination snacks for Osamu since he loves food so much."

_Kiyoomi? Osamu?_

Atsumu widens his eyes and starts to follow the two.

_Who's this girl and why is she calling Sakusa by his first name?_

His breath hitches when he catches sight of their faces. Y/N and Sakusa are together. It's not unusual for them to be together since they're neighbors but since when have they been this friendly together? A double jab hits him in the chest when he watches Sakusa smile at Y/N with such adoration. Sakusa scrunches his nose and pinches Y/N's nose bridge.

"Osamu lives in your mind rent free, doesn't he? Even though..." Sakusa whispers the next sentence. "Even though I'm your boyfriend."

Your eyes widen and the heat creeps onto your face. Seeing Sakusa's sulking face throws you in for a loop. Your lips part slightly but no words come out. Raising your hand up, you poke his cheek. "H-Hey. Are you getting jealous?"

Sakusa innocently nods his head, casting his eyes to the side and biting his lower lip. "I know I shouldn't. But, even before we got close like this— I found myself wondering what Osamu would do if he was in my position. He told me I know the right words to say to you. But he knows the right things to do for you." Sakusa raises his eyes to look at you directly. "Saying and doing are two different things."

You wear a small smile. Sighing under your breath, you reach up to stroke Sakusa's cheek. "And those two things are something you already know how to do, Kiyoomi."

His lips twitch slightly when he hears your reply. You feel the heat emanate from his cheek and his large hand covers your small one. "I think our roles have been reversed. You're the one to comfort me lately Y/N." His pout forms into a delicate smile.

You grow shy having this kind of conversation in public. Let alone this display of touch. Sakusa notices your shy expression and lowers your hand away from his cheek. He doesn't let go of your hand. Instead, he adjusts his hand to lace his fingers with yours. "Could we have grilled mackerel for dinner?" Sakusa changes the conversation and leads the two of you to the seafood department.

Atsumu clasps a hand over his mouth, eyes bulging out of his head. "W-What did I just witness?! Friends don't hold hands and look at each other like that!" Atsumu forgets about his snacks and hurries to look for Osamu.

"Grilled mackerel? Is there a reason why?" You glance over to Sakusa. "It's your favorite, right?" Sakusa stops in front of the array of fishes. Your heart skips. Sakusa surprises you again with how much he's remembered from your casual conversations.

"Y-Yeah, it is." A shy smile forms on your face. Sakusa grabs the attention of one of the employees and points to the mackerels that lay on the ice. The employee grabs two mackerels from the ice and bags the fish up before plastering a sticker of the price on the plastic bag.

Sakusa places the two mackerels into your basket. "Are we missing anything else?" He smiles at you when the two of you make eye contact. Your eyes cast down to the basket in your hand. There's enough ingredients here for today and tomorrows meals.

"I think we've got everything. Let's go checkout." You tug on his hand slightly and the two of you start to make your way to the front of the supermarket. But you stop short when you see a familiar face across from you.

Osamu raises his eyes from his phone after checking off each item on the list. He's surprised to see the very person that's been on his mind in front of him. The corner of his lips curl into a smile but he stops short when his eyes narrow on something.

_Y/N is holding hands..._

Osamu follows the hand up to see Sakusa. Sakusa squeezes Y/N's hand when he's noticed where Osamu's looked at. The three freeze in their spots. Osamu's eyes begin to waver when his thoughts slowly process what he's looking at. Y/N and Sakusa are shopping together. Holding hands.

_How? Why? When did the two get so close?_

The last time he's seen the two was Christmas.

_Did Sakusa manage to confess to Y/N? And...Y/N's feelings are mutual?_

The thought frightened and pained Osamu all at once. He expected to be hurt but he was not prepared by how painful it will be.

Loud footsteps approach from behind him but it stops short. Atsumu realizes he's much too late when he looks at his Osamu's stiff back. He casts his eyes down to Osamu's hand that clenches tightly on the basket handle. He frowns when he walks closer to Osamu. Witnessing the speechless look on his brothers face. He's unable to feel the amount of pain his other half is experiencing. Atsumu flicks his eyes over to Y/N and Sakusa.

"So it seems like you two have a secret." Atsumu breaks the silence with a serious gaze. "Should we all have lunch together at my parents place? I'm sure she'll be happy to meet our close friends."

"No we shouldn't—" You're about to decline but Sakusa interjects.

"Sure. We just need to purchase these items and drop it off at Y/N's place first." Sakusa holds a serious gaze of his own towards Atsumu and Osamu. He gently pulls you along to the register to pay for your purchases.

An uncomfortable feeling shivers down your spine. You're unsure how this conversation will play out.


	36. Stay

"We're back!" Atsumu calls out to his parents from the foyer. They turn around from watching the television with curious gazes when they notice two new faces.

You and Sakusa both remove your face masks to greet their parents. "H-Hello." You stammer out a greeting. Their mom smiles when she sees you. She gets up from the sofa to say hello to you and Sakusa.

"Mom, this is Sakusa and Y/N." Atsumu introduces the two of you to his mom. Osamu mutters out a soft excuse me and brushes past you with the grocery bags.

Your heartstrings tug, a sharp pain rippling through you when you watch him disappear towards the kitchen.

"Oh! These are yours and Osamu's best friends, right? I've heard a lot about you two from my boys." You return your gaze to their mom who wears a bright smile.

"Is it okay if they join us for lunch? We bumped into them at the supermarket." Atsumu grins at his mom and she nods her head. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll start preparing lunch."

Sakusa replies with a thank you and all you can muster up is a nod. Their mom makes her way to the kitchen leaving the three of you alone.

"Let's hang out in my room." Atsumu leads the two of you down a hallway. He turns to the left and opens his bedroom door. "Osamu! Come in my room whenever you're done!" Atsumu calls out from the hallway.

You nervously enter Atsumu's childhood room. The room is spotless and you only assume it's because Atsumu hasn't made a mess in here just yet. He sits down in front of his kotatsu and Sakusa gently pulls you along to sit across from Atsumu. An awkward silence creeps and you're unsure where to look at.

Atsumu crosses his arms and narrows his eyes on the both of you. "So. Explain yourself."

"Shouldn't we wait until Osamu gets in here? It'll save us from repeating ourselves twice." Sakusa speaks up against Atsumu. You watch Atsumu unravel his crossed arms and sigh. Not a second later Osamu emerges into the room with a tray of dango's and four bottles of green tea. He sets it down on the kotatsu and sits down on one end of the kotatsu that's between you and Atsumu.

Your fingers curl into your palm under the blanket of the kotatsu when you feel Osamu's presence. You shouldn't feel guilty for being in a relationship. But you do feel horrible having to break Osamu's feelings like this.

The two of you planned to tell your friends about your relationship when Komori returned but things don't always go the way you want it to.

"These dango's are popular in Osaka." Osamu speaks casually. He extends his hand to grab one stick and raises it over to you. "Here."

Your eyes waver and you feel a tightness in your chest. Osamu is forcing himself to act normally. "Thank you." You form a small smile and take the dango from his hand. Your fingers brush lightly against his from the exchange.

Sakusa and Atsumu eye each other before grabbing their own dango's. The four eat their dango's in awkward silence. You hear the sound of your heartbeat pound loudly against your eardrums. But the moment you take a bite of the dango, you find yourself a moment of distraction. The sweet soy sauce that covers the dango melts on your tongue.

The texture is soft and chewy. Much softer than other dango's you've had.

A sparkle lights up your eyes when you make eye contact with Osamu. The corner of his lips curl up into a smirk. He dryly chuckles when he sees the lit expression on your face.

"This is really good!" Atsumu steals your words out of your mouth. You nod your head in agreement.

"I'd love to visit Osaka just to try their dango's in person." You take another bite, a smile gracing your lips. Sakusa's chest warms when he sees Y/N's blissful expression. He lowers his eyes to the two dango's left on his stick and extends it to her. Tilting your head, you look at the extended stick of dango's before glancing up to Sakusa. "Do you not like them Kiyoomi?"

Sakusa shakes his head and raises the dango to your lips. "I do. But I like your expression more when you eat them." He speaks in a soft tone that wavers your heart.

Atsumu widens his eyes, lips parted. "I've never seen you look and speak to someone with that much adoration, Sakusa."

"Well...that's because." Sakusa's words fall short when he turns his attention over to Osamu. He feels horrible for Osamu but honesty is what Osamu deserves to hear. "Y/N and I are a couple. We weren't going to hide it from you. It's only been a day since we've confessed."

"New Years, huh?" Atsumu smirks at the thought.

_Sakusa planned out to start the new year by getting himself into a relationship. That's smart._

A grim expression casts over Osamu. You carefully take the dango's from Sakusa and eat them quietly. This kind of conversation is more ideal if you are the one to speak to him personally. That's the least you can do.

"Osamu." Your tone is gentle when you call out his name. His gray eyes cast over to you the moment he hears your voice. He raises an eyebrow and answers you with silence.

"Is there a park nearby? Let's go find a swing set." The others question your suggestion but Osamu doesn't. He slowly gets up on his feet and extends a hand out to you.

"It's not a park but, we have a swing set in the backyard." Osamu speaks in a flat tone. You don't question his tone too deeply. He has every right to feel hurt right now. You just have to find a way to gently tell him everything on your mind without further damage.

**If that's even possible at this point.**

Taking his hand, he easily lifts you up. You whisper to Sakusa that you'll be back later. He nods his head, understanding the situation. Atsumu eagerly takes advantage of this situation when he sees Y/N and Osamu leave his room. "Alright Sakusa. Spill it! Tell me all the details!" He wears a wide grin and Sakusa grumbles under his breath.

"Do you not even care about your brothers feelings?" Sakusa runs his slender fingers through his wavy hair, slouching his shoulders.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You pull your coat closer to you the moment you feel the winter air seep through your clothes. Osamu leads you to a small swing set in the backyard. The two of you quietly sit down and stare at the clouded sky.

"Do you have your cigarettes?" Osamu speaks up. Without pulling your eyes away from the sky, you answer him softly. "Yeah."

"Can I have one?"

His question pulls your attention away from the sky. Osamu startles you when you meet his eyes.

_Was he looking at you the whole time?_

"Will your parents be okay if we're smoking out here?" You hesitate to grab your pack of cigarettes out of your coat pocket. He nods his head. "Dads a smoker. We're just being more respectful than he is by smoking out here."

Not seeing a sign of a lie in his eyes, you reach into your pocket for the pack. You extend the pack to Osamu and he grabs one cigarette out. He notices how full the pack is and glances over to you. "You've been leaning off of these? I'm not used to your cigarette packs being this full. Unless you bought this today." Osamu places the cigarette between his lips and you raise the lighter he's given you as a present over to his cigarette.

"This will be my last pack. I'm going to quit smoking." The flicker of the lighter fills the silence after your sentence. "There's another solution to relieving my stress without the need of drugs."

You put your lighter away and stare at Osamu. He avoids your gaze, seemingly knowing what you're trying to say. He inhales sharply before dragging out a puff of smoke.

"So...how did he confess? Over the phone? You were at your grandmothers place, right?" Osamu tilts his head back to look at the sky. You keep your eyes on his distant gaze.

"Actually...Sakusa went with me to see my grandmother. Per request of my grandmother. I'm sure she would've told me to invite you but I told her beforehand that you were visiting your family."

Osamu knits his brows together. If he hadn't planned a visit with his parents, he could've had the chance to be the one who Y/N's dating.

**No. He's wrong.**

Either way, Y/N never had those intimate feelings towards him.

"Oh." Is all Osamu can muster to say. He wonders what kind of reaction Y/N is making right now. He doesn't have the strength to look at her. His mind is still trying to process everything while she explains the events that lead up to their confession.

After explaining everything to Osamu, you slowly sigh under your breath. He's remained quiet the entire time. With the occasional sounds of releasing smoke between his lips.

You start to grow anxious from the silence.

_What do you expect to hear from Osamu anyway?_

He's most likely feeling like his hearts ripped out from his chest and then shattered into a million of pieces after spotting you and Sakusa in public.

_Now that he's heard from you personally about the relationship, what else is there for him to feel but a numb pain?_

You clench your hands on the chains of the swing. The reason you wanted to talk on a swing set is to reminisce the night of Halloween. The night where yours and Osamu's feelings were conflicted.

But this time you're not going to run away. You stand up from your seat and quietly stand in front of Osamu. He hangs his head down, avoiding any eye contact.

You crouch down to peer at his face. The cigarette rests between his lips and his eyes are hollow. The feeling of your heart sinking cannot compare to what Osamu must be feeling. His eyes are staring back at you but it seems to look through you.

Pursing your lip, you extend your hand towards the cigarette, pulling it away from his lips. His eyes shine a moment of life when he blinks. His eyes widen briefly when he notices you crouching in front of him.

You raise the cigarette to your lips, like the time he's done this to you before. All of your old memories with Osamu are slowly coming to play.

"Y/N?" Osamu grows confused.

"Our last indirect kiss." You lighten the mood with a playful tease. But instead of a smile, you see a deep frown etch onto Osamu's face. The fire on the cigarette dies out when it reaches the bud. You pull it away from your lips. Gulping, you clear your throat to speak up again.

"I'm thankful for all of our memories Osamu. I can't thank you enough for supporting me and listening to me. As annoying as your lecturing can be, I also appreciate those moments." You pause to sort out your thoughts. "But I can't be selfish again and ask us to remain friends when I broke your heart."

You surprise yourself when the tears trickle down onto your lap. The close friendship you built along with Osamu won't be the same after today.

Not wanting to shed more tears in front of Osamu, you slowly stand up. You just told yourself you're not running away but you find your feet turning the other direction. This stagnant silence is suffocating. You're probably the last person Osamu wants to see.

But you freeze in place when Osamu reaches out for your wrist. He's careful to not grip you tightly.

"Don't..." Osamu chokes on his words. He bites his inner cheek and fights back the tears that want to well up.

_If she leaves now, he won't see her again in a few days. Or maybe ever again if Y/N decides to not come back to work._

He musters up the last bit of his courage to speak up. "Can we stay like this for a little bit?"

Your breath hitches and you feel something wet fall onto your head. You tilt your head up to see the first snow of January.


	37. Chapter 37

Osamu's hand slowly grips onto your wrist with a bit of strength. The frustration that creases his brows are apparent to you. He's conflicted in his own emotions and he's unsure how to handle things. 

You extend your other hand, resting it gently on his hand that grips onto you. Your feather-like touch pulls his attention up to you. He unclenches his jaw and exhales. The strength in his grip loosens up and he apologizes. "Sorry, did I hurt you?" He moves your wrist side to side to examine it. 

"Don't apologize Osamu." You find your voice, a frown on your face. "My pain cannot compare to the pain I left on your heart." 

Osamu shakes his head furiously. "I told myself this will happen. There was just a slight hope that I prayed it wouldn't." Osamu releases his hold on your wrist to stand up from the swing. He runs his fingers through his hair and shrugs. He forces on a smile but it quickly falls when his eyes meet your face. 

He raises a finger and gently pokes your forehead, not moving his finger after doing so. Your eyes narrow on his finger before you glance over to his face. "I can't bring myself to say I'm happy for you...I hope you can understand." 

You part your lips slightly to respond but Osamu cuts you off. "I don't want to tell you those words until I actually mean it whole heartedly." He then forms a lopsided smirk, pulling his finger away. His eyes cast upwards to the snow that slowly falls, a sigh escaping from his quivering lips. 

Your eyes glue to Osamu's distant expression. Maybe in another life you would've dated your best friend. Sadly, it's not in the timeline you're currently in. 

_Sorry, Osamu._

You mentally apologize to him with a frown. Lowering your head, you hide the sadness on your face from him. 

Osamu lowers his eyes from the sky to see the top of Y/N's head. His large hand hesitantly ruffles her hair. "We should head inside. It's getting colder out here." 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

"You accompanied Y/N to visit her grandmother? That's quite bold of you Omi-kun." Atsumu munches on a bag of chips he brought back from the kitchen. Sakusa quietly takes a bite of the chip. His eyes cast down to the kotatsu. 

_How is the conversation going on Y/N's end?_

He hopes Osamu isn't lashing out on her. 

Clouded with thoughts of Y/N, Sakusa hardly pays attention to Atsumu who's rambling. "So, did you do anything? You two shared a futon. Something must've happened." Atsumu wears a devious look, a smirk on his face. Rolling his eyes, Sakusa shakes his head. 

"I didn't do anything to her. I'm sure if you were in my position you would've already." Sakusa grumbles under his breath and Atsumu chuckles. "No. Who do you think I am? Y/N is special. I would take it slow for her. I wouldn't just throw myself onto her when she finds the idea uncomfortable." 

Sakusa knits his brows together when he looks at Atsumu's dreamy expression. "Can you not think about my girlfriend like that?" 

Atsumu stops short of his sentence and drops his jaw. "Woah. Calm yourself Sakusa. That sounded a bit possessive." Atsumu involuntarily shivers when he recalls the stern tone Sakusa's just used. "You can't stop me if I had dreams about Y/N way before you two dated." Playing with the devil, Atsumu jabs at Sakusa. He's piqued by this new side of Sakusa. 

_Who is he if he didn't mess with Sakusa?_

The slight look of annoyance is apparent on Sakusa's face. His jaw clenches and he's no longer eating the chips in front of him. He knows Atsumu is purposely teasing him like this. But he's annoyed endlessly. This part of him frightens even himself.

_Is this the result from the lack of attention from others over the years?_

He selfishly wants Y/N and her attention all to himself. But that's being too clingy and he doesn't want to scare Y/N off by his neediness. It's too sudden for her and for him to be like that. 

_Ugh. Love is not only scary and exciting but also troublesome._

The last thing he wants to do is make Y/N feel trapped by his newfound need of attention of her. 

Sakusa irritatingly ruffles his wavy hair and bites his bottom lip, tasting the flavor of iron from the blood that breaks through from his lip. 

"Are you alright?" Atsumu notices the clouded look in Sakusa's black eyes. He stops eating for once to worry over his friend. Sakusa nods his head in response but the motion doesn't seem convincing. "Wonder if those two are okay out there. It's snowing." Atsumu changes the conversation when he notices the snow that falls by his window. 

Sakusa pulls his attention away from his thoughts to look out the window. A beautiful sight of snow relaxes him. The door opening beside him then pulls his and Atsumu's attention away. Y/N and Osamu both carry two bowls of ramen.

"Lunch is here." You speak cheerfully when you place a bowl in front of Sakusa. He greets you with a smile, happy that you've returned. Osamu readies to place a bowl in front of Atsumu until he notices the bag of chips sitting on the kotatsu table. He wears an unamused expression at his twin. 

Atsumu holds his hand out for the bowl of ramen, wearing a guilty smile. "It's just a light snack. I'll be sure to finish moms ramen, Osamu." He awkwardly chuckles and takes the bowl from Osamu. 

After placing his bowl down, he exits the room to get utensils for everyone. You take your coat off and glance at Sakusa and Atsumu. "Did you two have a nice chat while we were gone?" 

Atsumu eyes Sakusa with a smirk. Sakusa knows full well what that smirk is for. Atsumu plans to tell Y/N about the last topic from earlier. But, thankfully Osamu comes back into the room to divvy up the chopsticks and spoons.

The three of you thank him before you each take a sip of the broth. The warm miso flavor warms up your chilled body. Sharing a meal with everyone may be normal for the others, but it's extremely heartwarming for you. 

No one brings up the conversation about you and Sakusa during lunch. The conversation steers to something more casual. Atsumu mentions how their New Years went while Osamu quietly eats. You sneak a few glances at him and each time you're surprised when he's glancing back at you. 

He wears a sad expression but he forces a smile whenever you look over at him. The corner of your lips also force a smile. You focus on the flavor of the ramen while feelings of uncertainty swirl in your heart.

_After you leave here, what will your friendship be like with Osamu?_

Thankfully you wouldn't have to be back to work for a few days. You'll take advantage of those days to distract yourself. After eating lunch, you and Sakusa say your farewells to the twins and their parents. The goodbye with Osamu was stiff and awkward but you managed to say goodbye without crying. 

You walk in silence beside Sakusa. Your thoughts are a mess and you're unsure how to feel.

_Guilt? Relief?_

_Neither?_

A sudden warmth pulls you out of your thoughts and you notice yours and Sakusa's intertwined hands. The face mask covers majority of the blush that streaks on your face when you look up to Sakusa. He shyly meets your eyes and gives your hand a gentle squeeze. 

_Happiness._

That's your current feeling when you're reminded of the person who's beside you. The momentary feeling of guilt is forgotten when you remember the person who you vulnerably gave yourself to.

A surge of confidence spreads throughout your chest and the next few words itch to escape your lips. You slow your steps and tug on Sakusa's hand to stop him from walking further towards the busy streets of Tokyo. The two of you stop in the middle of the sidewalk in a neighborhood. 

You turn to face Sakusa head on. With your free hand, you reach for his other hand. He raises an eyebrow, confused. 

"Kiyoomi." Your eyes waver and you mentally repeat the sentence you want to say aloud, over and over.

_I love you._ _I love you._ _I love you._ _I love you._

_Will you scare him off if you say these words so soon? No. It shouldn't._

Sakusa himself has told you he loves you the night he confessed. He's probably aching to hear it back from you. 

Inhaling deeply and slowly exhaling, you relax your stiff shoulders. "I love you." Your voice is slightly muffled by your face mask and you feel embarrassed that he might not have heard you clearly. You squeeze your eyes from the embarrassment. Confidence from earlier slowly seeping away.

Sakusa stares at Y/N with wide eyes.

_Did he hear her correctly? She said she loves him?_

His heart feels overjoyed by her words. It flutters against his chest and he finds it hard to breath all of a sudden. Squeezing her small hands in his large ones, Sakusa parts his lips to ask her if he's heard her correctly.

"Again...can you repeat your words to me again, Y/N?" 

You slowly open your eyes to look at Sakusa's pleading ones. Pulling one hand away from him, you lower your face mask so he can hear you crystal clear. With red cheeks, you part your lips. "I love you Kiyoomi." You squeeze his other hand tightly and stare directly into his eyes. "I love you." Your voice mellows into a soft whisper after the third I love you. 

A smile curls onto Sakusa's face and a warmness spreads through his chest. This overwhelming happiness he feels is addicting in it's own.

_Is this the feeling Y/N experienced when he said the same words to her?_

His body moves quicker than his mind when he pulls her into an embrace. She squeaks out into his chest but doesn't fight back. Her arms wrap around his tall frame and she smiles.

"I love you Y/N." Sakusa chuckles lightly from happiness, his warm voice fills your ear. You tighten your hold on him when you hear his words repeated to you. "I love you..." Your voice muffles against his chest and he pulls away to surprise you with a kiss against your forehead, his mask pulled down to his chin. 

"I love you." His breath tickles your forehead when he whispers. He showers you with several more kisses against your forehead. 

_This affectionate side of Sakusa is becoming one of your favorites._


	38. Our first date

After the events at the Miya twins house, telling Komori everything the following day was just as hectic. Komori demanded a play by play of how everything went down as he imagined it mentally.

Because Komori is now home, Sakusa remained back at his apartment. But he would frequently come over to hang out with you. The two of you would stay home and watch movies until dusk.

**Today however, is different.**

For the last day of your week vacation, Sakusa suggested for the two of you to go out on your first date. The crowd levels have lessened compared to the first few days of New Years.

Typically on a first date, you would've liked to get dressed up. But with the harsh winter, the only thing you can really do is bundle up. Sakusa will most likely pout if he sees you in a skirt or a dress.

He prefers you in comfortable clothing anyway. But your instincts to dress up cries out. Shaking your thoughts out of your head, you run your hands through the clothes in your closet.

Sakusa is always wearing black.

_Should you match with him?_

You find yourself a black turtleneck sweater and pair it with denim jeans, a leather jacket, black boots, a red gingham scarf, and a few accessories on your fingers, ears, and neck.

You've never worn such a dark color scheme before but you didn't hate it. Looking in the mirror, you glance at yourself from all angles.

_You're cute, right?_

Not feeling entirely confident, you grab a snapback hat with a rose embroidered in the middle to hide your eyes. You leave your bedroom and walk over to the foyer to grab your purse and house keys off the hanger by the door.

Your eyes loom over to the lighter and pack of cigarettes that lay on the kitchen counter. Nibbling your bottom lip, you walk over to grab the lighter. You flip it over to the engraved message.

_"I'll be the light to your darkness."_

_Osamu..._

He still remains the light of your life. The very light that lead you to meet the love of your life, Sakusa.

The ring of the doorbell pulls you out of your thoughts and you quickly place the lighter into your purse, leaving the cigarettes behind to answer the door.

Sakusa forms a delicate smile when he sees you. You snicker when you notice the black turtleneck sweater he's wearing, paired with his long gray coat, denim jeans, and converses. He also notices your outfit.

"Did you purposely match with me?" Sakusa lifts your hat slightly to stare into your eyes. A low warm chuckle erupts from his throat. Pursing your lips together, a rosy red burns your cheeks.

"Are you not bringing your face mask?" You change the topic when you notice his bare face. He reaches into his coat pocket, raising up his face mask. "I'll put it on if I start to feel uncomfortable. What about you?" His fingers tenderly stroke your cheek. Your heart leaps from his touch.

"M-Mines in my purse." You stammer out, feeling weak under his touch. He pulls his hand away from your face and extends it for you to grab. A smile etches onto your face when you see his hand. Without a second thought you take his hand in yours, giving his hand a slight squeeze.

"Where are we heading off to?" The two of you walk towards the staircase after you lock your door.

"A typical first date would be the movies but I wouldn't be able to see you in the dark." Sakusa murmurs under his breath, scrunching his nose innocently. You snicker at his comment. "It's probably a bit childish for a date spot...but I purchased us two tickets to the aquarium." Sakusa blushes when he tells you the location of the date. "I know you like to eat mackerels so I assume you also like sea life."

"I guess in a way I do since I eat them so much. But that sounds a bit dark, doesn't it?" You laugh beside Sakusa. His smile widens when he hears your laughter. "I'll make sure you don't eat any of the fish here." He pokes your cheek softly and the two of you catch a bus to the aquarium.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Your eyes sparkle when you watch the jellyfish float in a cylinder glass that sits in the middle of the current room the two of you are in. The lights are dimmed nearly to a pitch darkness to illuminate the colorful lights shining from the bottom of the glass case. The colors make the clear jellyfish change from a magenta to a cyan. 

A gasp escapes from your lips when you watch in amazement. There's so many variations of jellyfish that you're unknown to. 

Sakusa wears a smile when he watches Y/N. He's more entertained by her expressions than the actual aquarium itself. 

Raising your phone, you record a video of the jellyfish for you to watch back later. Sakusa takes his phone out to record Y/N. 

"Are you enjoying yourself Y/N?" He speaks in a low tone, chuckling quietly. You pull your attention away from the jellyfish to answer him but clam up when you notice his phone. Feeling shy, you blush and nod your head. "It's not everyday I get to see a jellyfish this close." You murmur, putting your phone away. Sakusa smiles at your shyness and lowers his phone. "There's more to see. Should we continue?" 

Slipping your hand into his, you nod your head and let him take the lead. Sakusa's heart skips from how easily Y/N holds his hand. A smile creeps onto his face and he walks ahead. He still finds it surreal that the two are together. 

_Holding hands._

_On a date._

He worried that Y/N would find this place too boring as a first date. But he's relieved to see her enjoy herself. She squeals and awe's at everything. Pointing at the fish eagerly like a young child. Seeing her this relaxed makes him grateful. He still worries over how many experiences she lost while she was younger. She was forced to grow up at such a young age and most likely never had the time to just take things slow. 

Sakusa is unable to heal the past for her but he hopes to make her present and future a memory she'll think more of. 

"Kiyoomi...let's stop here." He feels her small hand squeeze tightly on his large one when the two approach the next portion of the aquarium. A glass dome surrounds the entire room making it feel like you're in the water with the sea creatures. A shark swims by and he feels her tense up. A scream of a child further up ahead rings out. 

The parent tries to comfort their crying daughter but she wails out endlessly until the parents rush them out to the other end of the glass dome. 

Sakusa bites down on his bottom lip from the laughter that wants to escape from him.

_Is Y/N afraid to walk through because of the shark? That's cute._

"I don't like making you do things you're uncomfortable with but...we have to go through there to reach the end." Sakusa extends his free hand towards her head, stroking her hair ever so gently. He watches her face contort into a troubled expression. Her lips pucker out into a pout. 

"D-Don't let go of my hand Kiyoomi." She makes up her mind and looks into his eyes. Her words sends a chill down his spine and a flutter to his heart. He squeezes her hand briefly and nods his head. "I would never think to do that Y/N." He strokes her hair once more before guiding her forward. She hesitates to step forward. Inhaling sharply, she sums up the courage to walk beside him, gripping onto his hand tightly. 

To be honest, Sakusa feels slightly nervous when he sees the shark looming above their heads. It circles around. Most likely curious to the humans below it. 

Your face pales over when you watch the shark swim back and forth.

_Is it hungry?_

You've heard sharks wouldn't attack humans. Only a few sharks will attack humans but that's on a rare occasion. You doubt the aquarium would have a malicious shark in the tank. 

But that still doesn't give your mind any comfort while you're walking through the dome. Unable to handle this much anxiety, you pull Sakusa forward, practically running. Sakusa stifles a chuckle when he follows after you. The two of you weave your way around others and you only relax when you see the souvenir shop just a few feet away from you.

You release your hand from Sakusa when you notice how clammy they are. "S-Sorry. I couldn't handle it anymore." You apologize while wiping your hand against your jeans. You hear the stifled chuckling Sakusa tries to hold back with his hand over his mouth. His innocent laughing expression makes you shy and relaxed. 

Clearing your throat, you look away from him.

_He's adorable when he's laughing._

But you're ashamed that his laughter is because of how much of a coward you are. "Sorry. I shouldn't laugh at you Y/N." Sakusa recollects himself. He takes your hand in his and gives your hand a gentle squeeze. "Are you feeling better?" 

"Yeah. Much better now without that shark around." You involuntarily shiver. "Let's go look at the souvenirs before we leave." Tugging his hand, you lead Sakusa towards the shop. Several variations of gifts are in the store. Snow globes, magnets, plushies, cups, postcards, etc. Sakusa leaves your side for a moment while you're browsing the different keychains on the back wall. 

You startle when a shark plush comes into view. Letting out a small squeak, you glance to the person who's frightened you.

Sakusa smirks when he sees your redden face. "K-Kiyoomi!" You whimper out his name, lightly pushing the shark away from you. 

"Sorry, I couldn't help it." He chuckles innocently. "Isn't it cute? This one wouldn't hurt you." 

You shake your head. Staring at the beady black eyes on the shark plush. "Maybe you'll like this one more?" Sakusa reveals the actual plush he wants to show you from behind his back. An adorable jellyfish plush stares back at you with it's beady black eyes. 

A smile forms on your lips when you reach for the plush, giving it a hug.

Sakusa purses his lips, slightly jealous at how easily the plush received a hug from her.

You look up to Sakusa and notice his nose scrunch slightly. He eyes the plush in your hands with a look of jealousy. You giggle under your breath at how easily readable his expressions are to you.

"Should we get in line to purchase this?" You change the topic and point to the line that's starting to form. Sakusa nods his head and places the shark back where he found it while you wait in line. 

After waiting in line for five minutes and Sakusa surprising you by paying for the plush, the two of you exit the aquarium. Sakusa envies the smile Y/N wear when she's looking at the plush in the bag. Her eyes glance over to him. "Where to next?" 

Sakusa relaxes his stiff expression and glances at his watch.

_It's already 1PM._

The next spot wouldn't be until later in the afternoon. "Let's go to Roppongi Hills. There's a lot to see there."

Little does Y/N know that he's reserved a seating at one of the restaurants there for the two to watch the Tokyo Skytree during the sunset while they enjoy an early dinner. 


	39. Again. Can you do that again?

The two of you have roamed aimlessly around Roppongi Hills. You're surprised by how many museums are located here.

Exhaustion starts to hit Y/N and Sakusa takes notice when her pace starts to slow down. 

Sakusa clears his throat to catch your attention. "Do you want to stop and get something to eat before heading home?" A gentle smile etches onto his face when you meet his eyes. A sadness looms around you when you think about the date ending soon. But you have work the next day so you couldn't really stay out any longer. 

"Sounds good." You reply to Sakusa with a smile of your own. You assumed the two of you would eat elsewhere but you're surprised when Sakusa leads you up to the highest floor of the building. The two of you step out of the elevator towards the floor of higher end restaurants. You wonder if you're underdressed for the occasion but there are several customers with normal attire. 

You follow Sakusa's lead by his hand when he walks up to a podium. A host greets him and asks for his name before guiding the two of you to a table away from the busy crowds. He seats the two of you by one of the tables with the perfect view of the Tokyo Skytree. 

Sakusa helps you with your chair before sitting down in the chair across from you. The two of you take off your coat and jacket. You then lean forward and whisper to him. "W-What are we doing eating here Kiyoomi? This seems super fancy." 

The corner of his lips curl when he notices how nervous Y/N is. He reaches across the table to grab her hand, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "I want to make this date memorable for you. So enjoy the moment Y/N." He casts his eyes to the side to look at the beautiful sight of Tokyo. "I've never seen Tokyo like this. It's beautiful during the sunset." 

You focus on Sakusa's smile before glancing over to the scene beside you. 

_He's right._

The view of Tokyo from this height is breathtaking. You watch the building lights slowly flicker on, one by one. Soon you'll see the beautiful glow of Tokyo when it turns into dusk. 

"Oh!" You pull your hand away from Sakusa for a moment to grab your phone from your purse. "Let's take a photo together Kiyoomi." Right on queue your server walks over to take your drink orders and offers to take a photo of the two of you. You hand your phone over to the server and the two of you walk over to the glass window, smiling for the photo. 

The server takes multiple photos before returning your phone back. He then excuses himself to get your drinks. You and Sakusa sit back down while you look over the images. A smile graces your face when you pinch the screen to zoom in on Sakusa's smile. 

Sakusa admires the way the sunset glow washes over Y/N. She looks more angelic than usual. The first date seems successful so far. He had nothing to worry about after all. 

"Kiyoomi." Her soft voice calls out to him and he snaps out of his thoughts, raising an eyebrow. "Thank you for planning everything today. I'm sure you were stressed." She tucks her hair behind her ear, her cheeks a rosy pink. "I really enjoyed myself today." 

A smile playfully forms on Sakusa's face and he grins. "I'm happy to hear that." 

Your heart skips at the relieved smile Sakusa wears. The server returns with two glasses of red wine and the first course. A small bite sized appetizer sits in front of you. The server begins to explain to the two of you the dish and leaves after to let the two of you enjoy. 

A quick thought of Osamu crosses your mind when you stare at the dish in front of you. Trying new foods is something he enjoys doing. But you rid of the thought. You shouldn't think about another guy when you're out with Sakusa. As innocent as your thoughts are. 

"Scared to try it Y/N?" Sakusa calls out to you when he notices you staring at your plate. You wave a hand in front of you. "N-No." 

"Something on your mind?" Sakusa tilts his head, raising his fork over to the crispy pork belly and taking a bite. The skin makes a satisfying crunch when he bites into it. The flavor of the pork then bathes his tongue when he starts to chew it further. 

You don't want to ruin the mood by bringing up Osamu. But you couldn't lie to Sakusa either. You're in a bind.

_What should you say?_

Your brows furrow together when you reach over for your glass of wine, taking a sip. 

"Is it something that you think will upset me?" Sakusa swallows the pork belly and raises his wine glass to his lips. You freeze in place by how observant Sakusa is. Sometimes you feel like he's able to read your mind. "Whatever it is, I'm positive I won't be upset Y/N." 

"Even if it's Osamu?" You weakly mutter under your breath. Sakusa's face stiffens a bit and you wear a faint smile. His eyes downcast and you watch him scrunch his nose slightly. "W-Well..." Sakusa stammers, his words falling short. 

"Sorry. I shouldn't be thinking about another guy when I'm out with you Kiyoomi. Just the sight of new food reminded me of him." You answer him honestly. Raising the pork belly to your mouth and chewing it. 

Sakusa lowers his wine glass. Of course he's feeling a bit of jealousy when he hears Y/N thinking about Osamu. But he can't blame her for the thought. The two share a longer friendship and Osamu's bound to creep into her mind after their last meeting. 

"I love you Kiyoomi."

Her words shatter him out of his thoughts and he flicks his eyes over to her in surprise. His lips part slightly when he looks at the smile on Y/N's face. 

"If you're growing jealous over Osamu...I want to remind you that you're the one I love. I also hope I didn't ruin the mood by mentioning him." The smile on her face falls slightly and she looks apologetic. 

He's not upset at Y/N. He's upset at how easily jealous he's getting over Osamu. "I'm not mad Y/N. I just feel a bit pathetic at how easily the mention of him gets me riled up." Sakusa runs his fingers through his hair, pinching his nose bridge. "To think I can be easily annoyed like this." 

The server returns with two entrée plates and removes the previous plates from the table. The conversation from earlier is on hold while the two of you listen to the server explain about the steak dish in front of you. The steak seems to glisten under the light. 

You both thank the server before he leaves the table again. Your eyes cast over to Sakusa who wears a sullen expression. Guilt washes over you for ruining the mood. Sakusa said you're not the reason why he's upset but you partially are for mentioning Osamu. 

The sunset sky from earlier is now a dark black. The city below you illuminates in several dots of lights, reminding you of the lights on a Christmas tree. Even though the two of you are sitting across from each other, the distance seems too far. 

You sit up and place your chair to the right of Sakusa. He's deep in thought when he doesn't notice you moving your seat and plate closer to him. 

His fork pokes at his steak with disinterest. Cutting a piece off of your steak, you raise the piece over to Sakusa. Gently pressing it against his lips. 

His eyes widen and he jumps a bit in his seat. He looks across from him and notices Y/N's beside him now. Without saying anything, he parts his lips slightly to take a bite of the steak from the fork. He's thrown off when he watches you also lean forward to eat the other end of it. 

You hear his breath hitch when the two of you make eye contact. You're surprised at yourself for being so bold. Leaning back away from the fork, you chew the steak in your mouth. Sakusa regains himself and finishes the remainder of the steak from your fork. You shyly bring the fork back to you. The two of you are a blushing mess now. 

_Did Y/N do that to cheer him up?_

He must've worried her when he was deep in his own thoughts. 

Now his mind is full of thoughts about how close her face was to his. From that distance their lips easily could meet.

_Did Y/N purposely want that to happen?_

Curiosity piques Sakusa's mind when he looks at Y/N from the corner of his eye. A blush streaks across her face as she tries to remain calm while eating her steak. But he notices the tip of her ears redden when she feels Sakusa's looming eyes on her. 

_How can she be this cute? It's a crime._

Sakusa cuts a slice off of his steak and offers it to her. She's hesitant to take a bite. 

_Will Sakusa also do the same thing as you did earlier?_

If he does, you're unsure how to react. Your eyes distractingly loom over to his lips. 

_That's more desirable than the steak._

Your thought startles you and you reach for your wine glass, downing it in one go. Sakusa smirks when he notices where your eyes loomed over to. A devilish grin forms on his face and he's not ashamed to hide it. 

"What's running through your mind Y/N?" A deep chuckle escapes from his lips when he eats the piece of steak from his fork. You cough slightly from chugging the wine so quickly, slapping your chest to clear your throat. 

"I-I'm too ashamed to tell you Kiyoomi." 

His grin only widens and the very expression makes your stomach tie in knots. You've never seen such a charming grin like that from him. 

_It's dangerous._

The mood of the date takes a whole 180 degree turn. 

With Sakusa's mood lighten, you feel yourself relax a bit. You steer the conversation away from yourself and point out the sight of the Skytree that's illuminated. Sakusa is amazed by how beautifully different Tokyo looks at night. 

The remainder of dinner ends smoothly without further flustering from you. 

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

You're walking hand in hand with Sakusa.

The two of you decide to walk back to the apartment to digest the meal you've shared. Your footsteps slow down when the two of you stare at the Skytree from the ground level at a distance. 

"It's surprising how I've never looked at the Skytree at night even though I've lived here for years." You whisper over to Sakusa. He nods in agreement. "I haven't either. It's really beautiful."

You mentally take note to slow down and enjoy the sights around you. If you're constantly keeping your head down, you wouldn't be able to take in moments like this.

A gust of cold air breezes past, making you shiver. "Cold?" Sakusa looks over to you. The leather jacket isn't exactly the most thickest material. "Just a bit." You answer Sakusa. At that moment, Sakusa pulls you close to him into an embrace. You yelp from the sudden contact and feel his arms hold onto you delicately as if you're fragile as glass. 

"I've been wanting to do this all day." Sakusa's voice muffles onto the side of your head. He surprises you with how needy he suddenly is. 

_Is it the wine?_

You two only had two glasses. Sakusa manages his alcohol well so he's definitely sober right now. 

Whatever it is, you're not going to complain. This side of him is cute. You would never guess Sakusa will be the needy affectionate boyfriend.

_Is he even a germaphobe anymore?_

You raise your arms up to return his embrace when you suddenly feel him stiffen slightly from your touch. You worry that you've scared him so you pull your arms back only to feel him tighten his hold on you. He grunts slightly. "Don't let go of me Y/N..." His soft pleading voice makes you melt. 

_Is this really Sakusa?_

You couldn't deny him when he speaks like this. A smile curls onto your face, your arms tighten around his waist slightly. 

Sakusa exhales a sigh of relief when he feels Y/N embrace him the same way he is to her. The smile on his face is stuck and his heart pounds against his chest. He's not embarrassed by the lurking eyes that walk past the two. 

All that matters right now is that he's able to embrace Y/N like this. He didn't want the date to end just yet. He selfishly wants to be with her a moment longer before seeing her off at her apartment. Sakusa mentally apologizes to Y/N for making her stay out a bit longer. 

Unsure how long the two of you have embraced like this, you gently pull away to call out to him. His gentle eyes stare at you lovingly when he looks at you. Smiling, you thank him again for tonight. "Thank you for spoiling me today Kiyoomi. I hope today is memorable for you too." 

Sakusa unwillingly releases his arms around your waist and returns your smile with his own. "This day will be engraved in my mind. Seeing you smile so much today is the highlight of my day." 

You blush from Sakusa's words. You've said your thank you to him for today but you feel like you should also do something for him. He must've put a lot of thought into today to make it perfect for you. 

Clearing your throat, you purse your lips. The heat on your face stings from the cold air. You hope this isn't too quick for Sakusa. You've said you loved him just a few days ago. Now you're tempted to do something more affectionate. 

Timidly, you raise your hand to his cheek. 

Sakusa grows nervous when he feels Y/N's hand on his face. He's been more touchy than she has, so this catches him by surprise. Her eyes waver and she wears a nervous expression. His heart starts to race and he grows nervous.

_What's going through her mind right now?_

Sakusa tries to think but his thoughts blank out the moment he watches Y/N's face inch closer to him. Her eyelids close and he notices how long her eyelashes are. The next second he feels a soft touch against his lips. 

Your lips tremble when you make contact with Sakusa's pink lips. Sakusa's breath sharpens and you feel his breath tickle your lips. Feeling too shy after the light contact of your lips, you hurry to pull away. Sakusa freezes in place with widen eyes. He tries to process what just happened but the only thing he can think about is how soft Y/N's lips are. 

_Again. He wants to feel her lips again._

He looks down to see Y/N looking embarrassed. Her eyes cast to the side and she feels like she shouldn't have done that. But, she's terribly wrong. 

Sakusa extends his hand to the back of her head, pressing his forehead against hers. She's forced to look at him directly. "Again." Sakusa's voice is shaky when he asks her for another kiss. She gasps and looks taken aback. Pursing his lips, he embarrassingly repeats himself.

"Can you kiss me again Y/N?" His voice is barely a whisper and a blush streaks across his face. 

You couldn't reject him. Closing your eyes, you press another light kiss to his lips. The corner of Sakusa's lips curl into a smile and he hums in happiness. "Heh." He lightly chuckles. His heart jumps in his chest. "I'm so happy right now." Sakusa innocently speaks his thoughts aloud. 

_God, how could Sakusa be this cute?_

You're captivated by this man and you want nothing more than to see him wear this smile constantly. 

"I'll kiss you as many times as you want Kiyoomi." You whisper to him. His eyes widen briefly, his interests piqued. 

"Promise?" He looks at you expectantly and you nod in response. A smile graces his face and he surprises you with a kiss to your lips. "I'll do the same. No matter what time it is. I'll come running over to you if you ever want a kiss Y/N." 

"What about right now?" Your eyes waver when you ask Sakusa. He happily complies and snickers. The hand that rests on the back of your head strokes your hair and he captures your lips with his. He lingers his lips a moment longer and you feel your breath being stolen by him.


	40. If it's her, I can manage.

𝕁𝕒𝕟𝕦𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝟛𝟙𝕤𝕥

Sakusa struggles to focus on the volleyball game.

Tomorrow marks Y/N and his one month anniversary.

_Is he overreacting for wanting to celebrate something like that?_

The past few weeks blur together and the two have been busy with their own lives. Her with her job with Osamu and him with his classes from university. The weekends are something he looks forward to and cherish since it's the only time the two can be together longer than just five minutes. 

He'd figure being neighbors and having the key to her apartment will allow him to see her more but it's the opposite. He's drowning in classwork and the last thing he wants to do is bother her when she comes home from work. 

He wonders if her friendship with Osamu is okay. Despite being jealous of Osamu, Sakusa knows full well that Osamu is a special friend of hers. He didn't want to become a possessive boyfriend and force Y/N to break ties with Osamu. The two work together and are friends. 

"Sakusa!" A voice rings loudly in front of Sakusa causing him to snap out of his thoughts. But he doesn't react quick enough when the volleyball smacks him directly on the head. He falls onto his butt and groans, rubbing his head. 

Atsumu and Komori hurry over to him, crouching down with furrowed brows.

"Something wrong Omi-kun? You seem out of it today." Atsumu eyes Sakusa's knit brows and scrunched face. 

Komori wears a lopsided smirk, a glimmer in his eyes. "Thinking about Y/L/N?" The mention of Y/N makes Sakusa stiffen. He lowers his hand away from his head and groans, a blush streaking on his face.

"Must be nice." Atsumu whines out, shrugging and standing himself up. He extends a hand for Sakusa to grab. Sakusa eyes the offered hand and takes Atsumu's hand. Atsumu pulls him up and tilts his head. "So, what about her is distracting you? I haven't seen you around at the onigiri shop. Did you guys have your first argument already?" 

Sakusa shakes his head, patting the back of his shorts from any debris. "We've been too busy to see each other." 

Komori nods his head besides Atsumu. "You should see the sulking expression Sakusa makes when he's staring at his phone waiting for her to reply back."

Sakusa widens his eyes, feeling embarrassed from Komori's comment. "Shut up." He curtly says under his breath. 

Atsumu snickers at the image. "Why don't you go see her if you miss her Sakusa?" 

Sakusa purses his lips. He runs his fingers through his hair and heaves an exhale. To be honest, he doesn't want to see Osamu. He feels a bit guilty taking the girl his friend likes away from him. The two may not be as close as Sakusa is with Atsumu...but they're friends regardless. 

Komori notices Sakusa's troubled expression and changes the topic. "Say, isn't your one month anniversary coming up with Y/N? It's tomorrow, right?" 

"One month anniversary? Couples celebrate that kind of thing?" Atsumu raises an eyebrow. He walks over to pick up the volleyball that rolled away. Komori shrugs, tapping a finger to his cheek. "I don't think every couple does but...it's a perfect excuse to see Y/N." Komori flashes a smile when he looks at Sakusa. 

"I'd say just wait till Valentines day to do anything." Atsumu returns with a smirk on his face.

"Girls generally celebrate that. Sakusa wouldn't have to do a thing besides receive chocolates from her. We return the favor on White day." Komori puffs out his cheeks, not surprised by Atsumu's comment. "Sakusa loves her so I'm sure he'd spoil Y/N tomorrow and on Valentines without her asking for any of it." 

Sakusa's face reddens a deeper shade of red. He covers his face with his palms and begs Komori to stop embarrassing him. Komori chuckles in response. He doesn't feel guilty in the slightest for teasing his cousin Sakusa. 

"So, what are you going to do Sakusa? Are you going to man up and finally...you know." Atsumu looks at Sakusa with a devilish grin. It doesn't take an idiot to know what Atsumu is talking about. 

"I'm not going to plan out something like that. What if neither of us are ready?" Sakusa scrunches his nose innocently. He avoids looking at Atsumu directly when he answers. 

"Are you ready though? I can only imagine how stressed out you are about the thought. Nauseous, maybe?" Atsumu teases Sakusa, elbowing Sakusa's arm. "I have plenty of condoms I can lend you." He reaches into his pocket and pulls one out. Komori yelps and forces Atsumu to put it back into his pocket. 

"Don't just flash that out in the open in the gym Atsumu!" Komori stammers out, red in the face.

"What? It's just a condom. We're all adults in here. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm using protection." Atsumu raises an eyebrow, a blank expression on his face. "Don't tell me you're a virgin Komori."

"AH." Komori gasps loudly. "Just don't force those kind of thoughts onto Sakusa!" The two bicker among each other but stop mid sentence when Sakusa finds his voice to speak up. His hands are a bit clammy and he forces them into his pocket. Digging his fingernails into his palm, he wears a shy expression. 

"The thought used to scare me but...if it's with Y/N. I think I can manage." 

Komori and Atsumu both forget how to breath when they stare at Sakusa with bulging eyes. Komori is the one to speak up first. "R-Really? I'm proud of you Sakusa." 

_Is that something he should be proud of?_

Sakusa lowers his head, feeling embarrassed for confessing something like that to his two friends. The tip of his ears redden and he turns his back to them. "I'm going to get changed. I need to pick up a few things for tomorrow." Sakusa hurries out of the gym while Atsumu is still in disbelief. 

Komori watches Sakusa practically run away, a smile forms on his face and he sighs a breath of relief. "He's really changed since his first meeting with Y/L/N." Atsumu slowly walks over to Komori and grips tightly on his shoulder. Komori winces from the strong grip on his shoulder. He tries to pry Atsumu's hand off of him. 

"Did I hear him correctly, Komori? Our boy, Sakusa...he's ready to have sex?" 

Komori flushes red and he cries out when he hears Atsumu's bluntness. "ATSUMU!" 

"What?! Answer me!" Atsumu mimics Komori's loud tone and they catch the attention of the other volleyball players in the gym. Noticing this, Komori drags Atsumu out of the gym. "Yes, you idiot. I'm just as surprised as you are." 

Atsumu wears a look of shock as he is pulled out of the gym. "Do you think Sakusa knows where to even buy them? Maybe we should help him with his shopping." Atsumu throws out a suggestion and Komori halts the two in the middle of the walkway towards the lockers. The thought never crossed Komori's mind. 

_Will Sakusa have enough courage to buy condoms by himself?_

Komori can visually see the nervous face Sakusa forms when he finds out the amount of varieties condoms come in.

"Let's hurry after him. He should be in the locker room still." Komori blurts out, running towards the locker room with Atsumu tailing right behind him.


	41. I'm happy for you

You say farewell to the last customer of the day and flip the sign over to closed. Osamu emerges from the backroom and walks over to the kitchen. "Was that the last customer?"

"Yeah. We're free to start cleaning up for the day." You answer him with a small smile. Things at work have been strictly business. Neither of you speak casually like you used to and it took some time for you to get used to. The brief moments of your hands or body bumping into each other nearly gives you a heart attack but you've managed for a month almost.

You quietly wash the plates and knives in the sink while Osamu wipes down the counter. The only sound in the shop is of the running faucet and the faint sound of music and car honks. You gulp, feeling extremely awkward. The only thing you can do is quickly clean up and leave for the day.

But with your thoughts and feelings a distraction, you feel a sharp pain in your finger. You notice drops of blood in the sink. Dropping the knife, you muffle a yelp. Osamu turns around to look at Y/N. He notices the corner of her eyes well up in tears. He leans over and notices Y/N applying pressure to her finger that's bleeding.

"Idiot. Did you cut yourself? Where are the rubber gloves you use to wash the dishes with?" Osamu breaks out of his professional tone when he starts to lecture you. He grabs a hand towel and squeezes it around your finger.

You wince in response, biting your lower lip. "You don't have to do that Osamu. I can manage." You try to take the towel from him but he nudges your extended hand away.

"Says the one who can't even properly wash the dishes." His curt tone rubs you off the wrong way but you bite down on your tongue. "Don't do anything but hold onto this towel. I'm grabbing the first aid kit." Osamu waits for you to apply pressure onto the towel before he disappears down the narrow hallway.

_You were going to hold onto the towel anyway..._

You exhale the moment he turns the corner. Your eyes stare at the towel with a frown.

_So much for leaving early._

You've made more of a mess and irritated Osamu. Sakusa dwells on your mind and you miss him. He wouldn't have lashed out on you like this. Knowing Sakusa, he'd kiss your finger better after disinfecting it and applying a band-aid. You ease up a bit when you think about him.

_How is he?_

Your eyes cast over to the clock on the wall. He should be getting out of his classes around this time.

Osamu returns with a first aid kit and he asks for your finger. You quietly do as he says to avoid any further annoyance.

He removes the towel from your finger and disinfects the cut. You cast your eyes to the side and mutter an apology. "Sorry."

Osamu doesn't say a word when he focuses on cleaning the cut. He then rips open a band-aid and wraps it around your finger carefully.

"There." He lets go of your finger and closes up the first aid kit. "I'll take care of the dishes. Can you tidy up everything else?"

Nodding your head, you step aside to let Osamu finish up with the dishes. You grab a broom and walk over to the front of the shop. The tension between the two of you is suffocating and painful.

Osamu bites his inner cheek. The way he's acting towards Y/N is too cruel. It surprises him that she hasn't snapped back at him. But maybe that's because she's holding up the professional side of things. Right now the two are just employees who work together. That's how he perceived them in the very beginning. But now...he just wants to see her as a friend.

_His best friend._

The way he's acting and speaking to her doesn't match up with what he sees her as. He really is a fool for acting like this. His heart has slowly mended itself after the past few weeks. Of course there's still dwindling feelings for Y/N but first and foremost, Y/N is a special friend.

A friend he shouldn't push away.

If he keeps this act up, their friendship will really be torn apart and they'll revert back to strangers who work together.

"I'm heading out now. See you tomorrow." Y/N pulls her arms through her coat and wraps a scarf around her neck.

_She already finished cleaning everything?_

Osamu washes the last plate before looking up to Y/N. She forces a smile and raises a hand to say goodbye. Her hand rests on the door handle. She seems to want to say something else but she fights her words back. Osamu watches her open the door and leave.

_That look in her eye._

There's something that's bothering her. Her expression continuously plays in a loop in his mind. Osamu clenches his teeth together and hurries out the door. He cups his hands together to call out to her. "Y/N!"

You stiffen when you hear Osamu call out to you. Slowly, you turn your heel around to look at him. His shoulders relax when he notices that you've stopped and didn't blatantly ignore him. You watch Osamu run over to you in a hurry. "Let's grab a drink together before you go home."

_A drink?_

"Um." Your words leave you empty when you look at Osamu. "As coworkers?" Your response makes Osamu frown. He shakes his head and hesitantly raises a finger to poke your forehead.

"As friends." The corner of his lips curl slightly and you stare at him in bewilderment.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Osamu opens the door to an izakaya. You faintly remember the restaurant. Seems like Osamu is one to recreate memories like you are when the two of you sit at the corner of the bar counter. He orders two beers and a few yakitori sticks to split.

A silence drifts over in the lack of conversation. You hesitate to speak up first. Your hand clenches the hem of your coat and your brows slowly knit together.

"How are things with Sakusa?" Osamu takes the lead. He stares ahead of him at the other patrons in the izakaya.

Pursing your lips, you lower your eyes to the bar counter. "It's going well. We haven't been able to see each other lately but..."

You couldn't bare to talk so happily about your relationship to Osamu. He probably brought the conversation up to make light talk. But it's definitely the opposite.

The owner returns with your drinks and yakitori. The both of you quietly drink your beers.

"I'm happy for you Y/N." Osamu musters up the courage to speak up again. He turns his head to look at her widen eyes. She blinks multiple times, unsure if she's heard him correctly. Seeing her this taken aback makes him chuckle.

Osamu lowers his glass down and exhales dramatically. "I'm still a bit wounded in the heart but...I'm happy you found someone that will cherish you." He pauses before parting his lips again. His thumb strokes against the cold glass.

"Sakusa is the right guy. He knows what to say to you without knowing anything. I swear he's a mind reader." Osamu chuckles to himself. "You're also the right one for him. He's been willing to change his ways. The two of you changed positively by being together."

"Osamu..." Your heart aches from his tone. His voice starts to fade out and you watch him frown.

"All I've ever done for you is lecture you." He whispers more to himself than to you.

Forming a fine line with your lips, you clench your hands into fists. Osamu is wallowing in his own sadness and you couldn't bare to just watch. Extending your hand, you flick his forehead. Osamu's breath hitches and his attention is completely yours. You then poke his forehead. "Despite your lectures annoying me at times. It was your way of showing me that you cared Osamu."

His eyes waver when he looks at you. He parts his lips slightly but no words escape from them. You slowly pull your finger back to your side after apologizing.

"Don't sell yourself short Osamu. You're important to me just like Sakusa. The only difference is the title." You speak what's on your mind and then raise the beer glass back to your lips, chugging it.

Osamu notices her slightly redden cheeks. He raises a hand over to his lips and chuckles.

_Is this her way of cheering him up?_

The mood lightens greatly between the two.

Osamu extends a yakitori stick to you. Your eyes lower down to the stick and you take it from him, taking a bite.

"Thank you Y/N."

"For what?"

"For being my friend despite everything. I've been cold to you these past few weeks but you still gave me a chance to talk to you like this." Osamu wears a delicate smile on his lips that makes you freeze up. His smile is genuine and carefree. "Let's finish up here so you can see Sakusa. I'm sure he's missing you right now." Osamu takes a bite of his yakitori. A comfortable silence is shared between the two.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

"I'm ho—" You thought you were whispering to yourself the moment you step into the apartment but you notice lit candles that lead from the foyer to the kitchen.

Sakusa startles when he sees you as he sets down the cutlery on the dining table. He hurries over to the front of the foyer with a smile. "Welcome home Y/N."

Your eyes widen in disbelief that he's here in your apartment. You figured he lost the key since he's never used it.

**Until today.**

"What's happening?"

"I'm here to surprise you." He nervously pulls you into an embrace and kisses the side of your head. He then whispers, "You know what tomorrow is, right?"


	42. Don't ever let go

"Tomorrow..." Your voice is muffled into his chest. Tomorrow is the first of February. It'll mark a month since you've dated Sakusa.

_Is Sakusa here to surprise you with an early celebration to mark the special occasion?_

A smile curls onto your lips at the thought. Sakusa is extremely romantic if it's true. "Our one month anniversary, right?" 

Sakusa pulls away and holds onto your hands, a smile gracing his face. "Bingo." He winks and leads you over to the dining table. You're taken aback from his wink but you don't have time to ponder on the thought as you're sitting down at the table. 

A gasp escapes your lips when you see three different dishes on the table. Each one reminding you of a different memory. Onigiri, dumplings, and tonkatsu ramen. 

_Is it your imagination or did Sakusa purposely pick these dishes?_

Taking your coat off, you set it behind your seat and thank Sakusa for the meal. Raising your chopsticks up, you point it over to the plates in front of you. "These are some of the things we shared together, right?" 

Sakusa smirks when he hears your question. "Yeah. They are. I'm glad you noticed." He chuckles and innocently scrunches his nose. He starts to tell you the reason for each dish when he points at them with his chopsticks. 

"I met you for the very first time at the onigiri shop. The ramen was the first thing we shared together when I came to your apartment for the first time." He purses his lips when he eyes the dumplings. "And the dumplings are from the night at the izakaya with the guys." He grumbles a bit when he talks about the dumplings and you giggle under your breath. 

You raise a dumpling over to him with a smile. "Osamu isn't here to steal it from you this time." Sakusa grows embarrassed when you call him out. He parts his lips slightly to take a bite of the dumpling and you finish the rest. 

The two of you quietly eat in a comfortable silence. The warmth you're feeling right now is overwhelming. "I'm really happy you're here with me Sakusa." You speak up, eyeing the broth in your ramen bowl. Sakusa lowers his chopsticks to look at your smiling face. He grows distracted when he notices your finger that's bandaged. 

Tilting his head, he extends a hand to delicately hold your injured finger. "What happened?" 

You've completely forgotten about the cut. "Oh. I had an accident when I was washing the dishes earlier today. It's nothing serious." 

He frowns when he releases your finger. "Were you distracted by someone?" 

You purse your lips in response, scratching the side of your head. "Yeah...things between Osamu and I reverted back to a more professional way. It was a bit uncomfortable and awkward to be around him at work. I tried to hurry up and finish the closing tasks but instead I ended up hurting myself." 

Sakusa stares at Y/N with furrowed brows. He figured the two would revert back to their usual friendship since it's been a few weeks now, but he was wrong. He should go and apologize to Osamu and ask him to not treat Y/N so coldly. 

A smile then creeps on her face and she relaxes her shoulders. She leans back in her seat and looks at Sakusa. "But, I guess it was worth hurting myself just this once. Osamu seemed worried about me and broke out of his cold behavior. We talked over some drinks and he genuinely told me he's happy for me." 

Sakusa raises an eyebrow, eyes slightly widening. "He is?" A bit of relief swirls in Sakusa's chest at the news. Y/N nods her head and returns back to eating her ramen. Seeing her happy makes Sakusa relax. He still takes a mental note to talk to Osamu privately when he gets a chance. 

The two converse about their day while eating dinner happily.

🏐･ﾟﾟ･｡.

Sakusa wipes his hand on the hand towel after washing the dishes. He startles when he feels a pair of arms wrap around his waist. Y/N hugs him from behind and he feels her chest push up against his back. He bites his inner cheek from the sudden touch. His face instantly reddens and he struggles to find his voice. 

"You have to go back now...don't you?" Y/N speaks in a low pouting voice. Sakusa stares at the time on the microwave that reads 7:23PM. It's still early for him but Y/N's stayed up late enough. She has to get up around 4AM tomorrow. 

Sakusa slowly turns around and Y/N rests her chin on his chest, looking up at him with puppy eyes. 

_When did she learn to make an expression like this?_

His heart leaps out of his chest and he slowly gulps the saliva that forms in his mouth. Y/N isn't usually this clingy so it makes it hard for him to be responsible here. Ideally, he would tell her that he has to leave so she can get some rest. But, he doesn't have the strength to tell her that if she's looking at him with such pleading eyes.

"I don't have to go right now if that's what you want." Sakusa raises a hand up and cups Y/N's face. He strokes her cheek with his thumb and a smile forms on her lips. She stands on her tip-toes to place a kiss on Sakusa's lips. His breath quivers from the quick action. The kiss was so quick that if he blinked he wouldn't have seen it. 

"Thank you for tonight Kiyoomi. I love you." She tightens her embrace around his waist and nuzzles her head into his chest. 

_Damn, she's cute._

If she continues to be this cute, Sakusa is in trouble. But that's the least of his worries when Y/N notices something that's sticking out of his pocket. 

You raise an eyebrow when you notice something bright yellow poking out of Sakusa's front pocket. You can partially see a smiley face and you wonder what it is. "What's that Kiyoomi?" Pointing at the item, you watch Sakusa's face pale over. 

He makes a weird grunt noise and turns around to shove the item deeper into his pocket. You only grow more curious. "Hey, what are you hiding?" You tease him, grabbing hold of his wrist to turn him around. 

"W-Wait, pretend you didn't see anything." Sakusa raises his voice into a squeak. A tone you've never heard before. You can't help but giggle and grin widely from his reaction. 

"Sorry, I can't do that." You manage to turn him around, staring at his guilty expression. "Show me. I won't judge. Is it candy or something? It had a cute smiley face on it." 

Sakusa covers his face with one palm, blushing a deep red. "I-It's not candy." Noticing him slightly off guard, you reach into his pocket. Sakusa releases a soft yelp and you apologize for doing something like this to him. But you're too curious to see what the item is that he's adamantly hiding. 

It's your turn to go red in the face when you realize what it is. The smiley face yellow item is actually a condom. Your jaw drops slightly and Sakusa quickly avoids your eyes. He bites his lower lip harshly and the taste of blood touches his tongue. 

_DAMN IT._

Sakusa is beyond embarrassed. He could probably die from it right now. Y/N's silence only makes him more anxious. 

Seeing the condom in your hand makes your heart race at an alarming rate.

_When did Sakusa buy something like this? Or more like why did he buy this? Is he possibly ready for something like that?_

You ponder on the thought if **you** are ready for something like this. Sex is something that traumatizes you because of your past. But...

Casting your eyes over to Sakusa who's fidgeting in his spot, you realize something. 

_If it's Sakusa, it'll be okay._

He would take things slow for you and you're sure that he wouldn't be upset if things didn't fully go through. He loves you just as much as you love him and making you do something you dislike would be the last thing he wants.

Biting your inner cheek, you hesitantly grab onto Sakusa's hand. He slowly turns his attention over to Y/N, anxious to hear what she has to say. You raise the condom up and shyly speak up. "Should we go to my bedroom?" 

Sakusa stiffens. He forgets how to breath when he listens to Y/N.

_Did he just hear her suggest that? Does Y/N understand the meaning behind her words? Is it possible that Y/N is also okay with this?_

Sakusa forms more questions in his mind that are not being answered. He feels her give his hand a short tug. She waits for a response. 

Not able to find the words to answer her, Sakusa nods awkwardly. She turns around and leads Sakusa to her bedroom. He feels her hand let go when she walks into the dark room to turn the lamp on by her nightstand. She then sits on the edge of her bed, biting her bottom lip with a blushing face. 

Sakusa loudly hears his heartbeat against his eardrums. The warm glow of the lamp against Y/N makes her look alluring. Her shy expression causes his heart to go wild and he's unable to control his emotions when the thought of what they're about to do crosses his mind. Not wanting to leave her hanging, Sakusa walks over to her bed and sits next to her. 

He rests a hand on the back of her head and strokes her hair. "I'm a bit nervous." He speaks his thoughts to her and she forms a small smile. "Me too." She whispers. Sakusa stares at her wavering eyes. He can stare into her eyes for hours on end and wouldn't be bored. 

You start to calm down when you're under Sakusa's gaze. Softening your eyes, you lean forward to meet his lips. Both of your breaths hitch and a giggle escapes from you. It's a bit comedic how nervous you two are. 

"Again." Sakusa softly pleads. The nervous eyes you saw in him earlier changes into something more tempting. His eyes are longing for you. 

_It's dangerous, actually._

To think this very man before you used to hate physical contact. But...you're the same way. Months before you freaked out over the slightest touch on the forehead. Now you want nothing more than to be enveloped by Sakusa. 

Closing your eyes, you kiss Sakusa again. The nervous pecks become more passionate when you feel Sakusa return your kisses. Maybe it's the adrenaline or maybe it's the lack of time for you two to be together, but your kisses grow more hasty. 

Your hair entangles in Sakusa's hand that strokes it. He carefully pulls his hand away from your hair to lift you onto his lap. You wrap your arms around his neck and place your legs on each side of him. The two of you pull away to catch your breath. 

Sakusa rests his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" He worries over you. Feeling your heart ache from his kindness, you respond by kissing the moles by his eyebrow. "Are you Kiyoomi? You're already out of breath." You tease him lightly. He scrunches his nose innocently and blushes. 

What he does next surprises you.

Sakusa leans close to your face and gently bites down on your bottom lip. Your eyes widen when you see his steely eyes and he slowly pulls away. "You're teasing me too much Y/N." He huskily whines out. 

You release your held breath and feel the tip of your ears heat up. Casting your eyes to the side, you lick your lips and clear your throat. "That was kind of sexy." 

Sakusa gulps when he hears Y/N's words. He tried his best to be dominant but when he hears a comment like that, it makes him instantly melt. Inhaling sharply, Sakusa tries to regain his composure. But it seems to slip away from him when Y/N starts to pepper him with kisses against his jawline. 

His eyes widen when he watches the lustful gaze she wears as she inches her kisses closer to his lips, only to stop short at the corner of his lips. He furrows his brows, unhappy. A whine escapes from him and he grows embarrassed for releasing such a weak sound. 

Y/N smirks at the cute noise. "I don't think the bad boy persona is for you Kiyoomi. You're actually a sweet boy." 

"You're probably right." Sakusa mutters out. His lips easily capture yours again and the two of you passionately make out. He surprises you when you feel something slip between your lips. You hesitantly flick your tongue against his which causes a soft groan escape from him.

**These noises from Sakusa is becoming your weakness.**

A moan of your own slips past when you feel his tongue twirl around yours. Slowly, Sakusa leans back on the bed while you tower over him. The lack of oxygen starts to become apparent and you unwillingly pull away from Sakusa. A string of saliva forms when you pull your tongue away from his lips. 

Your redden cheeks and longing eyes causes a change in Sakusa's eyes. The glow in his eyes are gone and you see nothing but hunger.

_How long have your bodies ached for something like this? It's well overdue._

You gulp when you feel his hardon underneath of you. A slight fear itches at the back of your mind but you tell yourself multiple times that it'll be okay. You distract yourself by slipping your hands underneath Sakusa's shirt. 

A pleasant hum escapes from your lips when you feel his muscles against your hand. Sakusa blushes from your sound. His bulge twitches in response. He shyly covers his face with his hands feeling embarrassed. 

The corner of your lips curl into a smile and you try to comfort him. "You were hiding this from me the entire time?" You lift his shirt up and move your hand in circular motions against his abs. 

"N-Not exactly." Sakusa slowly removes his hands away from his face to look at you. You lower your face down to his chest and trail kisses from his bellybutton up to his lips. You feel his body cover in goosebumps from your lips and his breathing becomes shaky.

Sakusa hesitantly places one hand on your ass and the other on the back of your head. He brings your head closer to press his lips against yours. Sakusa begins to French kiss you again. 

You grow more aroused when you feel him grope you. The fear stands off to the side while you're distracted by his touch. 

Your body then subconsciously grinds against him which surprises the both of you. The foreplay carries on like this for another five minutes until the both of you are comfortable. 

You strip Sakusa's shirt off while he unclasps your bra from underneath your shirt. His large hand nervously grabs hold of your breasts and he begins to fondle them. You yelp out when you feel his fingers pinch your nipples. A smirk growing on his face.

Sakusa then helps you out of your pants when he lays you down against the bed. You extend the condom to him when he unbuckles his belt. He reaches out for the condom and strokes your cheek with his other hand. "Are you sure you're ready?" Sakusa softly speaks to you. 

"Yeah. I want you Kiyoomi. All of you." You sheepishly answer him, feeling embarrassed you said something like this. Sakusa clears his throat and you watch his face redden completely. "You're too sexy for your own good." He mutters out. You watch Sakusa unzip his pants and he nervously pulls out his length. You gasp quietly when you see it. 

Feeling shy, Sakusa averts Y/N's gaze while he rips open the condom and places it on. He mutters under his breath. "God this is so nerve wracking..." 

You wear a small smile when you hear him. You extend your hand up towards his face and stroke his cheek with your thumb. "There's no need to rush Kiyoomi. I'm all yours tonight." He grunts when he hears your words. His brows furrow together and he struggles to keep his composure. 

"Your words are becoming my weakness Y/N." Sakusa slowly leans over top of you and seals your lips with his. You feel his hand nervously settle on your thigh. As you kiss you feel him inch closer and closer to your inner thigh. A moan escapes from you when his fingers brush against your panties. 

Sakusa pulls away to look at Y/N directly. Lust fills his eyes and the nervousness he felt earlier is seeping away.

Sakusa speaks in a husky tone that only makes your lower region throb. "It's damp down here..." His tongue glides against his lips and he flashes you a devilish grin. 

"I-It's because of you." You whimper out.

His thumb presses against the damp area and a moan escapes from you. You craved something else other than his thumb. But you're too embarrassed to speak your thoughts aloud. 

You yelp when Sakusa sucks your collarbone. His length grinds against your panties and it's absolute torture. You're conflicted with pleasure and frustration. Your hands fly towards his wavy hair and you tangle your fingers in them. Pulling his face close, you begin to passionately kiss him. 

Noticing her frustration, Sakusa carefully pulls her panties to the side. His heart starts to race at the next action he does. Carefully, Sakusa inserts the tip of his shaft inside of her. Her legs instantly close up and he hesitates to go further. But before he can pull out, he feels Y/N relax herself. She slowly opens her legs back up for him. 

"It's okay." She whimpers out between kisses. 

"I don't want you to force yourself Y/N." Sakusa pulls his lips away from her to look into her eyes. She reassures him with a smile. The glow from the lamp reflects in her eyes. "I'll tell you if it hurts too much."

"Promise?" Sakusa speaks more sternly and she nods in response. He slowly tries again to insert his cock inside of her slit. His eyes close when he feels her tight walls around him. Y/N bites down on her bottom lip but she doesn't complain about the sharp pain. Sakusa groans out when he feels her warmth the further he deepens inside of her. 

"Fuck." He absentmindedly grunts out. 

You're distracted from the pain when you hear Sakusa curse.

_His foul mouth is attractive._

Sakusa slowly thrusts inside of you and your body reacts with a twist of pain and pleasure. This sensation is completely different. You're not numb and scared. 

Sakusa envelopes you with his strong arms and he showers you with kisses on your forehead. Everything about this seems so right. You start to enjoy the motion when the pain disappears. Sakusa seems to find his own rhythm as his thrusts gain speed. The lewd sounds of your wet fills the room and it only sends Sakusa into further arousal. 

He starts to grow worried about who he's becoming. Never would he think to have sex with another person. This is the most intimate and vulnerable kind of physical contact he'd never bother to think about if he wasn't with Y/N.

Being both your firsts, it's painfully easy for the two of you to reach climax. But neither of you want it to end so quickly. 

The corner of Y/N's eyes start to brim up with tears and Sakusa grows worried. He slows down and wipes her tears with his thumbs. "A-Are you hurting?" He frowns and worry glosses over his eyes.

Fluttering your eyes open, you shake your head. "No. The opposite actually." You squeak out. "Feeling you inside of me is...really pleasurable." Your cheeks heat up after you admit your honest feelings. Sakusa is speechless when he looks at you. A blush streaks across his face and a smile grows. He softly chuckles and kisses your lips. 

"I feel the same way." Sakusa says between kisses. He slowly thrusts again and you're the one to slide your tongue inside of his lips this time. A grunt rumbles from his throat as the two of you twirl your tongues against each other. With each hard thrust, a moan escapes from you. 

You have trouble keeping up with his kisses and you start to whimper. "K-Kiyoomi I can't hold it off any longer." Sakusa seals your words with his lips and he grunts in between kisses. "Go ahead, princess."

_P-Princess?_

His very words cause you to reach your climax as you arch your back and cry out his name. A wave of euphoria washes through you and your mind empties. Sakusa himself grunts Y/N's name in between thrusts. He reaches his high, making a mess in the condom. 

You try to catch your breath when you feel Sakusa slowly pull out of you. He quickly cleans himself off before laying beside you. Both of your chests heave up and down harshly. Turning your head to the side, you stare at Sakusa's exhausted expression. 

A smile forms on your lips and you extend a hand towards him. You brush your finger against his plush lips. "Princess?" You say between breaths. 

Sakusa smirks when he looks over to you. He pulls you close to him and rests his forehead against yours. "Are you not my princess, Y/N?" Sakusa's husky tone sends a shiver down your spine. "Or are you still Osamu's princess from Halloween?" He pouts when he asks you this. 

A scoff escapes from your lips. "Do you like to make yourself upset Kiyoomi?" Giggling, you press a kiss to his lips and whisper. "Of course I'm your princess." 

"Good." Sakusa curtly responds. He then closes his eyes and nuzzles his forehead against yours. "I love you Y/N. I hope you'll be my princess forever. Because I'm not letting you go." You feel his strong arms hold you in place and a smile graces your lips. Nuzzling your head against his, you giggle. 

"Don't ever let go Kiyoomi." 

\- - - -

& this concludes 𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌.

This story personally is the most cutest shit I've ever written. I hope it also made your heart warm and had you smiling like an idiot.

Sakusa is one of the characters I don't personally see a lot of people fangirling over so I wanted to write a story about him. 

I hope you enjoyed his and Y/N's growth in this story. These two really thrived from each other and it makes me so happy.

Anyway, I want to thank **you** for reading and writing such sweet comments! They're always a motivation for me when it comes to writing and I can't thank you enough for giving me your time.

See you in the future with another story!

\- cutesight


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